Hey GoalFriend, welcome to episode number 272, the one where we're talking about gaining it all back. You guys, I am so excited to dive into this topic today, but I wanna, I wanna give you a quick apology before we get going. Just in case what you can hear is like a low background hum. I don't know if you're gonna be able to hear it. I have a pretty nice microphone and I've also recently started working with an audio producer from my podcast, which is so awesome. And a topic for another day about upleveling and the year 2023 and how things are going and my, my goals for myself about getting better podcast audio quality. But for right now, I am still sitting in my family room. I'm actually facing a table, which means that you might even get some echo from that. But in the background you might hear like a super low grade like humming, buzzing fan sort of a noise.
And I just wanted you to know that it's not you, it's me. It's literally, well, okay, it's not literally me. It is me. Meaning that it is on my end. There is noise in my house right now. You guys, we discovered a couple of weeks ago that we have had a leak in our guest bathroom in the hallway for uh, probably a couple of months, if not possibly years of a leaking toilet. Yes. Super horrifying to discover. I've been noticing for a while, I mean I don't mop very often, but I mop once in a while. You know, I clean my house kind of sometimes. I've noticed for a while that the bathroom just, it had, it had not, not a smell. It's not like gross water necessarily. It's not even that there was something like phenomenally wrong. I just noticed that the floorboards looked different in there.
We got new flooring several years ago. Right now it's vinyl flooring, it's life proof. It's really nice stuff. I love the way my floors look, but I noticed that the flooring in the bathroom just looked a little bit different and I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I didn't quite know what was going on. I kind of tried to ignore it cuz I'm like, oh, I'm sure it's fine. You know how these things go . In fact, this, this conversation is very apropo for our topic today in numerous ways. It's part of why I'm even bringing this up. But a couple of weeks ago I finally decided to just like bite the bullet and take a look at it and see what was going on. And so I got down on my hands and knees and really looked at the floor and I called my husband in and I'm like, do you see what's going on here? Does this look like a thing to you? And so we both started kind of poking at it and looking at it, well when you push down real hard on the floor, water would seep up in between the floorboards.
This was not something I was very excited to discover. So I put in calls to our plumber who pulled out the toilet and said, oh yeah, this is definitely what's going on here. So then we had to put in a call to some restoration people to come in and take a look at what's going on. And long story short, or actually long story, long , the water damage is almost not even damaged. The guy came in from the restoration company with his little water or reader meter and he's like, yeah, this actually isn't that bad. I see what you're talking about. I do, you know, obviously see the water coming up in between the floorboards, but there's not that much water. And these floorboards, they're not warped. There's nothing going on that's like tragic here. We're not gonna have to replace the flooring, we're just gonna dry it all out.
So we've been living with a dehumidifier in the guest bathroom for the past couple of days and thankfully we just keep the door closed. But it is this steady hum. I mean it's, it's literally just a giant fan essentially, but like kind of a warm fan, which has been really nice cuz is it a wintertime here and it's freezing cold. So it's, it's been this background noise. It's been the, the soundtrack to my life the last couple of days. So I don't hear it anymore. But it occurred to me when I sat down to record this podcast that maybe you can hear it and that's all that's going on. I had a leaky toilet that I didn't wanna think about. And then I did think about and now we're taking care of it and it's actually what we're talking about today in a roundabout way when we're talking about gaining all the weight back.
Hmm. What's your reaction to that? I'm so curious. I'm so curious. I know for me, I have gained and lost weight several times in my life. Like starting from puberty, like basically as soon as I started getting periods I packed on 30 pounds. I, I say that like it was super fast. It wasn't, it, it probably took me about a year and a half, maybe two years. But I slowly and steadily gained weight in a way that I did not understand. There was, there was so much going on with puberty. God, do you remember that? It was such a confusing time. I'm so happy to never go through puberty again ever cuz it was rough for me. But anyways, I put on weight and then I lost it, you know, terribly as one does when one is a teenager. I basically just stopped eating. It was not a smart way to lose weight, just so you know.
And I have long since come to terms with like how and why that came about and where my head was and what was going on and all those kinds of things. But, so I lost weight and then, and then I gained weight again when I was in like my early twenties for a variety of reasons. Most of which is that I was just had really terrible eating habits and I was partying a lot and I was staying up really late hours as one does when one is in months early twenties and you know, is a party girl like I was plus like also I worked, worked in a 24 hour restaurant so I had lots of like late night shifts and just really variable shifts. So knowing what I know now about weight and how your body works and metabolism and all those things, I can easily look back and be like, oh, well gosh, no wonder I gained weight when I was in my early twenties.
I had no discernible healthy habits and absolutely no schedule to my life at all. There, there really is a lot to be said for just consistency of habits in general. Kinda like we talked about a couple weeks ago on uh, I think it was episode two 70, calorie confusion about how consistency in and of itself is such a great way to lose weight. And in fact, this is exactly what happened to me after I had gained the weight in my early twenties. In my mid twenties I got a little bit more settled, you know, I got married and had a routine and lost all of the weight plus some and it fell off of me quite easily, partly because I was young and partly because I just had a really nice established routine where I could be consistent so easily. Then of course I started having babies in my late twenties, early thirties.
Um, not of course I, it's of course for me because you know that I have kids. So of course for me, I had kids in my late twenties, early thirties and gained well over what my doctor recommended both times and didn't lose very much of the weight in between because in my mind I knew I was having another baby. So I was like, ah, why bother? And then afterwards when I was like, oh no, I'm never having another baby, I actually lost the weight really quickly but then put it back on again. And then in my late thirties lost the last time I lost like a significant amount of weight was in my late thirties. But then coming through menopause, ah, hooray, here comes that 10 pounds that I thought I had lost for good and needed to lose again. So I've gained and lost weight several times, whatever is that five times in my lifetime.
And for me personally, the thought of gaining it all back brings this sense of just utter defeat and almost like a resignation really specifically, like after I had babies and noticed myself gaining weight again, I remember just feeling like, oh of course here it comes. I knew this was gonna happen and I'm curious if that's your reaction to it. Also, I, I'm coming at today's topic of gaining the all the way ba all the weight back a couple of different ways based on a couple of different people that I have really specifically coached, but also just different comments that I get in like the Facebook group and uh, you know, in my actual coaching group, the Get Your GOAL group or comments on YouTube or Instagram or TikTok, like wherever I hear from you guys, I've heard these different scenarios about what it means to you to gain the weight back in a couple of different ways and that's where I wanna really approach it with you today.
So we're gonna talk during the episode today we're gonna talk about why weight gain is actually not the end of the world, even though I know it feels like it right now. It's why we're talking about this because I know that it feels really big, really tragic, really scary, really sad, really frustrating, whatever your are feeling is, I know that it feels like that and therefore is possibly one of your biggest worries on your weight loss journey. And then we're actually gonna talk about what you are truly afraid of or worried about or resigned to or angry about or frustrated with. And we're gonna really parse this out about how it's not the scale, it's not your weight, but there's something else going on. And then of course, of course, because we always do, I'm gonna tell you what to do to guarantee that you won't be bothered by gaining it all back ever again because this is what we do here at the Get Your GOAL podcast.
We talk about what's the problem, what's really going on with the problem because it's almost never the problem that we think is the problem. And then I give you some really fantastic actionable p practical steps so that this doesn't have to be a problem for you anymore. So let's talk about why weight gain isn't the end of the world, even though right now it might feel like it. So I was coaching with this one lady and I wanna just like really start off here that I love coaching. It is my favorite thing in the entire world to do. I love coaching people for a couple of different reasons and one of them is because it's so helpful to me, , I know that sounds so funny. Like wait a second, I'm the coach, I'm the one who's supposed to be helping. But the reason it's so helpful for me is because I get to see how different people are thinking and reacting and feeling about scenarios that I have been through in my lifetime and it really helps me reframe things I've been through, which is why I love to offer you some really like specific but also very broad examples of how this might show up in your life so that you can see that this applies in so many different ways.
So I was coaching with this woman and we were talking about her going on vacation and she was super, super worried about what was gonna happen on vacation. Like she didn't wanna take a scale, she didn't really wanna be like thinking the whole time about her weight loss. She wanted to be able to lose weight and enjoy herself and not be like overly concerned with weight loss. And so we were trying to work on finding that balance and so I offered her this idea cuz I could see where she was going with it that it really seemed like if she came home from her vacation and she had gained weight that it was just, it was gonna be the end of the world like, like we've talked about. And so, so I started asking her about like, you know, what, what does this mean to you?
And so I, I put her in this scenario, I'm like, okay, let's just go here in our minds. You come home from vacation, you step on the scale and your weight is up 10 pounds. And she visibly, viscerally just completely recoiled in horror. Oh my god, Paula, no, no. And I said, aha, here's the problem. I can see that you're having some feelings about this. I can see that you are having this really visceral reaction now I was also coaching this other woman on some struggles that she was having with her weight loss right now. Like she's losing weight and she was telling me about how all the different times that she has gained and lost weight and gained and lost weight, kinda like my story. In fact, this woman's story was very similar to mine that she had gained weight kind of young and then lost it and then gained it and then lost it.
And she, she kept using the same phrase over and over again about how she, she just knows that of course she's gonna regain the weight. And so I could see during the course of our conversation that she just kept getting like lower and lower and the the feeling of just utter defeat and resignation that was coming over her was so palpable in our conversation. There was another time when I was coaching a woman about how she just lost weight and her weight was fluctuating as weight does and she kept noticing how every time she got on the scale and she was, you know, working on maintenance and she was really struggling with maintenance because every time she got on the scale and noticed these, you know, fluctuations of two or three pounds, that it just felt absolutely infuriating that she was back at square one, that she was now gonna have to based on her, you know, her evidence of how long it took her to lose three pounds, that she was at least a month away from getting back to her goal weight that she had gained this weight and it was like she was starting all over again.
That she was constantly going to be in this state of having to lose the weight again and again and again. And she was furious about it. Now during our conversation, I'll, we got to the furious. It was very interesting working with her really specifically because she was angry and also kind of trying so hard not to be angry that it took us a while to really kind of dig through what was going on with her. And the thing that I ended up coaching all three of these women and myself on the last time that I lost weight is that one of the, one of the things that let's go back and cut out to, uh, what I coached these women on.
So the way I coach these women is the concept that I'm gonna offer you right now. Your weight is completely neutral, meaning that it in and of itself has absolutely no meaning, but you have thoughts about it. Now this is a concept that we have kind of tiptoed up to a couple of times here on the podcast. In fact, um, episode number 235, I'll have a link for you in the show notes or the description box depending on where you're watching or listening. Um, it's episode number 235 Your weight is a number where we really talked about this concept of your weight being information, of it being completely neutral, that it's not about you, it's not about yourself worth, it is actually, and I say this in in a way that is meant to feel good, your weight is actually meaningless. However, we never, all of us never ever ever feel that way.
Your brain is designed to make meaning of things your brain takes in perceptions, it takes in light particles and sound waves and smell waves and and touch perceptions. It takes in all of these perceptions and it creates meaning from them. Your brain intrinsically makes meaning of things that are for all intents and purposes, meaning less light waves are just light waves, but when they're bouncing off of something, your brain takes that in and says, oh, that's a banana. I happen to be looking at a banana right now, which is why that example came to mind. But light is bouncing off of a solid object. My brain is taking in that perception and it's making meaning of it right now. My brain is actually making the meaning of I'm really hungry and I can't wait for breakfast and I'm going to eat breakfast as soon as I'm done recording this podcast. So by the way, if you hear my stomach growling, it's because I'm giving you this example of a meaning that my brain is making from looking at a banana across the room.
Your brain is always making meaning of everything that you take in and the work that we do here on the podcast and really specifically the work that we dive into in the Get Your GOAL group, we, we take it beyond just this, I'm gonna say surface level because it is something that we pull apart constantly in almost every group coaching session when I'm talking to anybody, the first thing that we do is pull apart the thing that is happening, the numbers, the data, the light waves, the sound waves, the whatever it is from the thoughts that you are having about it. And I wanna be really, really clear and it's gonna be even more abundantly clear as we move through this podcast, but the thoughts that you're having about the thing they are based on all of the other perceptions you have ever had in your life, that the meaning that my brain makes of the banana is different than the meaning that your brain makes of the banana because of your experiences.
Which is to say that like when I'm offering you these, these three different scenarios of how one woman was just completely horrified by the idea of gaining weight, another woman was completely resigned by the idea of gaining weight and another woman was completely angry by the idea of gaining weight. It's not about the weight, it's not about the specifics of the scenario. It really is about their individual brains making meaning of these situations. So I'm gonna offer you that the first step to like deconstructing how we think about gaining weight and really getting some agency over the fear or resignation or anger that we might feel about it is separating out the thing from the thought. And I wanna, I wanna parse something else out that that might not be really important to you right now, but I love to, I love to offer you this.
I'd love to offer you all of the concepts that we talk about here at the podcast in this reusable resource because every time you listen to this podcast you might hear another layer of it. Like if this is the first time you've ever come up against this concept that your, your thoughts are separate from the thing that is happening, that in and of itself can be so mind blowing, mind break and just so much to take in that it could very well be the only thing you take away from this podcast. And that's completely fine because oh my gosh, that in and of itself is so foundational and so groundbreaking that if that is what you take away from this podcast, you are so on your way to feeling better about everything in your life. Truly that simple self-awareness that the thing and the thought are separate will take you everywhere you wanna go.
But the other thing that I'm gonna offer you if you are ready to hear this is that the thing does not in any manner create your thoughts because the thing has no inherent quality of itself. A banana for example, it's neither good nor bad, it's neither delicious nor gross depending on your opinion, it doesn't have a quality that makes you think something about it. The reason you think whatever it is that you think, and I wanna be really clear that the word I'm gonna use here is that your brain chooses to think a thing. The reason your brain chooses the thoughts that it chooses is not because it feels amazing to you, it's not because it's the best thing for you. It's not because it's the truth, it's not because there is some inherent quality in the thing that you are thinking about. It's simply because your brain has thought that thought before and it's really efficient to continue thinking it.
So when you see a number on the scale, that number has no inherent quality of its own and that number does not make you think or feel any specific way for any reason other than you have had a thought about that thing before and your brain is choosing it again because it's really efficient at doing so. I love to parse that out for the sake of standing why your brain is doing what it's doing and why we come back around again and again to the same thoughts and feelings about the same things. So often why we have like a go-to of being for example, horrified at the thought of gaining weight or why we feel resigned to the idea of gaining weight or why we feel angry about the idea of going gaining weight because your brain has had the thought before and it's choosing it again in order to be efficient. It's not your weight because your weight is neutral, it's your thought about your weight that's creating your feeling.
Okay, so what is it that you are actually like horrified about or resigned to or angry about, if not the weight on the scale? Because if we're, if we're pulling this apart and we're saying, okay, there's a thing and I'm having a thought about it, it's that thought that's creating your feelings about it. If you have a feeling about gaining weight and you do, I know you do , which is why we even started this conversation the way we did. I know that when I say the phrase gaining weight or gaining it all back or going back to square one or putting on 10 pounds or whatever, whatever we've talked about so far, that has created a visceral reaction in you, that visceral reaction my friend, that's a feeling, that's an emotion. That is exactly what we're talking about. You have one and the reason you have that feeling, whatever it is, is simply because of a thought.
Now I just called that simple and I just calmed all the way down and it might not feel like that yet and that's why we're really slowing this down and parsing it out. This is the work of self-awareness. This is the work that we do here on the podcast that we slow down the brain processes that feel so fast pulling apart your thought from the thing. And now we're gonna pull apart the thought from the feeling just so that you can see again that the feeling does not come from the thing anymore than the thought did.
This is the process of really essentially every single thing in the world. There's a thing, you have a thought about the thing and that thought creates your feeling like literally physically your thought is a spark of electricity in your brain. That spark of electricity sets off a chain reaction of hormones which flood your body with different kinds of sensations, those sensations that you feel inside your body. We have labeled feelings, emotions, this whole process happens so incredibly fast that we, I mean for millennia have just assumed that our feelings come from things. And you've been taught this year entire life, I know you have because I was too, you've been taught that your thoughts and your feelings come from out there, come from circumstances, come from things that happen or things that people say or things that people do because this reaction in your brain is so fast that it's nearly impossible.
It's not entirely impossible because that is the work that we do here, but it's nearly impossible to pull them all apart and see that your thoughts and your feelings don't come from the things. But this is my job as your coach here on the podcast and as your coach in the Get Your GOAL group to help you pull this all apart, to slow this all down so that you can really gain some agency and some self-awareness over what this is and what it's creating for you in your life. So scenario one, where we're thinking about coming home from vacation, you hop on the scale and there's 10 pounds that you've gained. The woman who was completely horrified by this idea of the 10 pound weight gain, when we started digging through the horror and what her brain was making it mean, she actually discovered all kinds of thoughts that were all some variation of, I blew it, this is terrible.
I'm no good, I can't believe that I let myself get here. Just absolute self-flagellation. The the negative self-talk that she anticipated saying to herself stepping on the scale and seeing the weight gain was enough to produce the feeling of horror in her right now, even imagining that 10 pounds on the scale. When we found all those thoughts and really parsed them out, it's not the scale that creates this thought for you and it's not the weight gain that creates this feeling of horror. It's simply the thoughts of I'm no good, I'm terrible, I failed. Finding all those thoughts helped my client really see that they were all optional. That it had nothing to do with the scale, it had nothing to do with the weight or the imagined weight of the 10 pound weight gain and everything to do with her thoughts. Creating this feeling of horror for the woman that I was working with who felt just utterly resigned.
She said it so many times during our conversation that I, I finally pointed it out for to her, and this is actually a joke that my, my friends in the Get Your GOAL Group, we all kind of laugh about it now because anytime you have ever been coached by me, you will like, I can almost just guarantee you will hear me say the phrase, do you know that's a thought ? Because, because it's pretty much always the answer truly to recognize your thought as a thought. The woman that I was coaching with, she said it over and over, well, I'm just gonna gain it all back again. Well, I've always gained it back again. Well, of course I'm gonna gain it back, you know, I've just, I've gained it back so many times. It, it was, it was really interesting for me as our coach, I'm taking a quick little left turn here.
It was really interesting for me as her coach, how long it actually took me to hear what she was saying and for both of us to gain the awareness about this repetitive thought because I had had it so many times myself that I, I found myself almost like nodding along and agreeing, this is my job as coach to pull myself out of it. This is what I teach you to pull yourself out of it. When you hear these thoughts and they sound so completely and utterly true, it is your job to still recognize that they are thoughts, to pull it apart and really take a little microscope to it and be like, that's a thought. I'm going to gain it all back again is a thought, a thought. That's all it is. And it's a thought as you can clearly if, if you have had this thought repetitively, if it feels very true to you, you can feel how resigned, how heavy that is.
The woman that I was working with that felt such anger at being back at square one again, it took us a while to really kind of dig through this and again, I felt so much empathy, sympathy, camaraderie with her about this because it was, it was thoughts that I had had too. She was so angry at what she thought was the number on the scale, but she was so angry at her body for not behaving in a way that made sense to her. Her thought that she found, and I don't remember exactly and I really, I don't love to give you like verbatim thoughts because I'm not, I'm not trying to make an example of anybody specifically. I I have had this thought myself, which is what I'm offering you, you, and it was some variation of this thought with my body is betraying me.
I don't understand my body anymore. Now for me personally, interestingly for me personally, my body is betraying me, brought me feelings of resignation and sadness and defeat, but for her it created feelings of anger. This is an interesting point and I'm just gonna pull it apart here really quickly, that sometimes when I give you these examples of like specific thoughts or specific feelings, I don't want you to think that a thought always creates a very specific feeling that when you, when you do this work for yourself, you might have the exact same thought that I am offering you as an example, but the feeling it creates for you will be unique to you for the same reason that your thought about a banana is unique to you because of your life, because of your experiences, because of your perceptions, because of things that you have lived through, things that you have thought before.
You personally have your own special snowflake of thoughts and feelings and that's why this is such good work for you personally to, to pull this all apart and see what's going on in your brain and your body, which is to say your feelings in order to gain this self-awareness for yourself. So, so here's what's going on in the big picture. The thing that you are actually afraid of or resigned to or angry or frustrated about isn't the weight gain itself, it is a feeling that you are creating from your thought. Now again, I wanna clarify that you're not creating this on purpose. This isn't something that your brain is choosing to do because it's trying to be mean to you. Your brain chooses this from efficiency. These are thoughts and feelings you've had before and they are all optional. My friends here we come to the practical stuff, part three where we talk about what to do to guarantee that waking doesn't bother you anymore, that it doesn't feel horrifying, that it doesn't feel like something you're resigned to, that it doesn't feel angry.
This is the part where we come to our journals. This is the part where we take in the concepts that I have just offered you that your weight is completely neutral but you have thoughts about it and that those thoughts are creating the feelings that you are currently feeling and thinking are created from the weight gain itself. Weight gain is completely neutral, your weight is completely neutral. The number on the scale is simply information that you have a thought about and that thought creates a feeling. And further to this, the good news that I offer you in every single podcast, you can find that thought, feel that feeling and decide whether or not it's helping you get where you want to go. So here's what we do. We take out our journals, my friends, , I love, love, love that. The tool that can help you every single time is a piece of paper and a pen.
Unless of course you wanna write on your computer or one of those rocket book things that you can erase later or on your iPad or on your phone or whatever, whatever your tool of choice is. I personally, I just happen to love pen and paper. It's my thing, it's my jam. I love my journals, I love my notebooks, I love my colorful pens. But here's what you're gonna do. You're gonna take out whatever your implement of choice is and you're going to ask yourself, what do I think about today's numbers? Now that phrase has lots of nuances to it. It might not even be today's number, but you can put yourself in your imagination to whatever day there is where there is a weight gain and you can discover your thoughts about it. You can discover the horror, the resignation, the frustration, the betrayal, the fear, the worries.
You can discover all of that simply by asking yourself the question, what do I think the answer is always in your brain. And let me just be really clear, very clear that what we are looking for when we're finding our thoughts, feeling our feelings, deciding if they're helping us get where we wanna go, we are not trying to feel better immediately and we're not trying to like solve the problem of this feeling or the weight gain. We are simply looking for self awareness. The self-awareness over time is what actually solves the problem and helps you feel better and further to that, I wanna be really, really, really clear that you are not actually ever solving the problem of your weight. Your body is gonna do what your body is gonna do. Sometimes you are going to come home from vacation and the scale will be up.
Sometimes you will lose weight and gain it back. Sometimes your body will simply fluctuate and you will still have the thought even though you've examined it, it could come back that now you are back at square one. What I'm guaranteeing you here is that you don't need need to be bothered by it because you have agency over it. You have the tools to find that thought, feel that feeling and recognize them as not moving you where you want to go. Your body is gonna do what your body's gonna do. , your body is not a guarantee of behaving a certain way or weighing a certain weight. Your body gets to be independent. It gets to do its own thing. Your thoughts and feelings about your body, about your weight are completely discoverable by you and the self-awareness that you can gain from discovering your thoughts and your feelings are what give you agency over it. And what can help you over time feel amazing no matter what the scale says. Show my friend, my friend, here's what we've covered.
Your weight gain is not the end of the world. Your your either current weight gain or possible future weight gain or past weight gain. None of it is the end of the world and the thing that you actually worry about or are afraid of or feel resigned to or angry about isn't your weight. It is a feeling that you have because of a thought and the thing that you do about it all, all of it is find those thoughts and decide if they're helpful for moving you forward. You guys, I really hope this was helpful for you today. Like always, thank you so much for joining me. I'll talk to you again soon.