“I Just Want It To Be Easier”

Welcome to the Get Your Goal Podcast, the place for ambitious overthinking women to explore the mindset, emotions, and daily practices that actually move you forward. I'm your host, Pahla B, master certified life and goal coach, author, ultra runner, entrepreneur, and journaling expert. I'm here to help you understand the science and art of rewiring your brain for success so you can get your goal. Ready to dive in? Let's go. Hello, friend. This is going to be a quick podcast today. I am giving you a heads up right here at the very beginning that this is not gonna be a long one for two very important reasons. Number one, I just came in from my run and I am starving, and therefore I'm gonna go get myself some breakfast. But also right after breakfast, I, and this is really a comment for people who have been around for quite some time, and I'm gonna explain it for those of you who have not. But I am going to Apple Hill today and I'm super excited about that. But also I gotta get ready. So [00:01:00] Apple Hill is a local, somewhat local to me place that is a collection of different apple orchards and pumpkin farms and wineries, and it's this whole little section of town that's about an hour away that my family and I visit every year for all of the Apple deliciousness. And the reason why anybody would know about this, just by the way. A couple of years ago, in fact, two years ago almost exactly, I created a webinar where I was talking about like how to get what you want, and this was specifically when I was a weight loss coach, and so I was talking about how my family and I go to Apple Hill every year and how I just make space for that in my life. That going someplace and eating a ton of sugar and eating just completely outside my norm, that once in a while you can absolutely make choices and figure out for yourself what truly works [00:02:00] for you. And it's really interesting because, uh, it's, it is tangentially related to what we're talking about today. So what we're talking about today, the reason I came in from my run and just had to sit down with the podcast mic, I was thinking about a thing that I was coaching on very recently inside the Get Your Goal Membership, and I, I wanna be very clear, actually, this is a little bit to the side. I don't love talking about like who I'm coaching or what we're coaching on inside the membership, because I find that very odd to be on the other side of it, and I don't ever want the people that I'm coaching inside the membership to feel like, oh, I'm calling you out and making an example of you because of, you know, whatever. Like the reasons that we all make something in our mind be about us. I get this quite a bit when like I purchase something from like a business coach or whatever, and then I get the email afterwards talking all about their launch and how much money they made and [00:03:00] how they, you know, got people into their, their product or their program or whatever. And I just always find that really odd. And a little bit unsettling, like, are you selling me the information about me being a buyer of your things? It's, it's interesting and I know that, I know that tons of business coaches do this, so I, I'm gonna leave that over there. But as a sovereign decision maker who knows what feels good to me and what doesn't feel quite so good to me, I will tell you that I don't love talking about the people inside my membership. I do love talking about the membership because I want you to know that I have one. That's why I'm here to talk to you about what I know and what I do so that you can get what you want so that you can get your goal. And here's what I know. There is something that we all say to ourselves and it is this sentence: "I just want this to be easier." This is [00:04:00] a sentence that I have heard in my brain a lot and it came up again recently inside the Get Your Goal Membership. But the reason that I was going over and over it in my own head today is I was thinking about how funny that was, that I had literally said that sentence out loud in a room full of coaches about eight months ago. So I am uniquely qualified to know exactly what to do when that is rattling around in your brain. Here's the thing about that sentence of, I just want it to be easier. I know a couple of things about that sentence just by listening to it, and here's what I know right from the jump. Anytime, and this is something that you can really take home with you in your own journaling when you hear yourself saying something like, I just want, I lovingly offer you that you are not [00:05:00] actually focused on what you want. That word "just" shows you that you are resisting what you currently have. What you believe your current circumstances to be feeling like. Specifically in this sentence, I just want it to feel easier. What you're actually saying to yourself is, right now, this feels hard. Therefore, the, the short answer of what I'm gonna offer you is that the way through this, well, the way through this is the Daily 3. Always. Like literally that is the answer. I found myself in this room full of coaches saying this exact sentence, I just want this to be easier. I was talking about the podcast, by the way. It was while I was still in the midst of my 10 month hiatus, was I just want it to feel easier. And I was crying and I was so upset. And I am gonna tell you a little bit more context for that story. Like, why in the world was I crying in front of a room full of coaches? I was [00:06:00] certifying a room full of coaches. It's one of the, the services that I offer. Currently, you can only get certified as a life and goal coach if you are a member of the Get Your Goal membership. But I was in a room certifying them and one of the things that I deeply, deeply hold to be true and in alignment for me is that I am not like a hierarchical coach. I am not the kind of person who's like, here's what to do and here's why, and I just tell you what to do. I'm in the trenches too, my loves. I am still figuring out my own stuff. I am still on my way to my goal, so I really do want to show you what that looks like. Yes, I have some absolute expertise in certain things. I have definitely worked through a lot in my own mindset work and my own somatic, you know, brain body thoughts and feelings journey. And also I'm still doing the work, so I love to [00:07:00] show you in real time what that looks like so that you don't have some idea that this is all supposed to be easy. The irony of this topic of the podcast today, but, but so that you don't have some idea that like there are people in the world who have it all figured out and you are not one of them. Absolutely not. You and I are both doing this work, and in the case of me in that room full of coaches, first of all, I was giving them the opportunity to coach me like I do feel like that is important to see your mentors as human and to get the experience of coaching somebody who it might seem on the surface like, oh, they're, you know, further along than me, or they know more. All of us can use coaching. All of us can use a pair of outside eyes helping us see what's going on in our brains. So there I was in this room full of, of women that I was certifying as a life and goal coach, crying my [00:08:00] eyeballs out and talking about how hard the podcast felt. And no sooner did I come home from that certification. Several things happened during that certification. Number one was I heard myself actually say that sentence, I just want it to be easy. And number two, I felt through something that literally changed my life. I, I've had a long, long, long held self-concept of I am misunderstood and I felt through for the first time, I can be understood. I am understandable, and it changed, uh, everything honestly. Uh, so much changed after that experience. I was able to, honestly, take everything I've ever taught you ever and turn it into the Daily 3. I was able to, because of taking on that new self concept of hearing myself and feeling the feeling of being understandable, I was [00:09:00] finally able to condense everything I've ever taught you into this five minute journaling practice that literally rewires your brain for success. So the, this is getting longer than I anticipated, but the long short answer is that the Daily 3 is the answer. And I'm also gonna show you exactly what I mean by that. When you are saying something like, I just want it to be easier, what you are actually telling yourself is, this is currently hard. And the way to move through that is to number one, hear that. I mean like just literally hear yourself saying that, but also number one, future self journaling. Actually articulate what you want. In the case of the podcast, I was telling myself, I just want it to be easier because I was going over and over and over again how hard it felt like what I didn't like about what I was doing. I didn't like sitting in my minivan, even though I love my minivan, but I [00:10:00] didn't like having to pack up my equipment and sit in my minivan and feel either hot or cold or any manner of uncomfortable. I didn't want, interestingly, and I don't remember if I talked about this on the podcast. I think I mentioned this somewhere else. I think I wrote about this on my Substack, which by the way. Come and join me on Substack. I think it's just at PahlaB. It might be at PahlaB.getyourgoal I don't remember. I was not anticipating telling you that verbally. I think you can search on Substack. I'll see if I can even put a link in the show notes. In any event, I think I was talking about this on Substack that when I was, oh, in fact, I know it was, when I was struggling with the podcast, one of the things that I didn't even realize I was telling myself was some version of, they don't wanna hear this. And I thought I was talking about like my family or you know, people living at home, my, my [00:11:00] circumstances. But what I was actually telling myself was that literally nobody in the world wants to hear what I have to say. That was interesting to work through that too. Anyways, I was telling myself that I didn't want to sit in my minivan. I didn't want to talk about things, not being sure of my audience. I didn't want to... What else didn't I want? That's interesting. Because I knew that it felt hard and I wasn't entirely sure what would feel easy, and that really was how this came about, asking myself through that future self journaling. What do I want? What I wanted immediately, as soon as I actually asked myself that question, like sat down and said, let's articulate this. I want it to feel cozy. This is my favorite thing about the podcast. It always has been my favorite thing about the podcast. It feels very much like I am gently sitting down or way back in the day when it used to be the [00:12:00] Let's Run podcast, like I was going for a run with a friend. I wanted to feel cozy and conversational, and I wanted to feel more confident about what I was saying. Again, part of part of why I went on a hiatus from the podcast was I was, I was really in my head about my messaging. And I was really starting to try and take in information from business gurus who tell you like, this is what a podcast is for, this is what you're supposed to do with it. Don't teach everything. Don't give it all away. You're supposed to be marketing. And I'll tell you, that didn't feel amazing to me. It's part of why I took a hiatus. I was trying really hard to like market, market, market and hit your pain points and tell you that I have the answer. And I don't love that. Like in my bones, I am a teacher. I want to teach you how to do this for yourself. And simultaneously, I would love to do this with you. [00:13:00] That is the, the funny thing about my personal business model. It's like on the one hand, I'm teaching you everything you need to know to 100% do this for yourself, while simultaneously inviting you to do this with me. And the reason, I mean, it's actually interesting because I remember thinking this way, way, way back in the day when I was a fitness trainer also. That, essentially, I, I found my job to be, Hey, let me teach you how to think about your body, how to think about what you are doing, how to create your own training plan, how to know what you want and how to get it so that you can do this yourself. Like essentially I was teaching people how to graduate away from me. It's, it's an unsustainable business model when everybody graduates away from you. And what I have actually learned is that even, even having the skills for yourself, knowing what to do and how to do it for and by [00:14:00] yourself. There's a lot to be said about doing things in in community with other people. Really specifically. For me personally, even more than fitness, I know there are plenty of people who love to go to fitness classes and love to run in groups. Fitness for me is much more of an individual thing, but life coaching work, mindset work, oh my goodness. I find that to be so valuable in community. The, the value of the group, I'm trying not to say the word value. The power, that's the word. The power of the group is being able to see other people doing what you are doing. First of all, because people out in the real world aren't doing a lot of managing their minds. I don't know if you ever noticed that, but people out in the real world kinda kind of living into their circumstances and feeling like life is just happening to them. We don't get a lot [00:15:00] of normalization for this intentional life, where we are actually looking at our thoughts, feeling our feelings on purpose, moving towards something, not through willpower, but through alignment. That's, that's not something that most people do, and the power of the group is being able to see that other people really are doing this too. Okay, so number one, getting clear on what you do want, not just butting up against what you don't want. Even though that is number two. That is the metacognitive part of the Daily 3 is really understanding what you don't like about what's currently going on, and recognizing that it's not your circumstances. What I was telling myself was it's very crowded in here. There's a lot of people, they don't want to hear what I'm saying, that I am pushed out of the house was how I was saying it in my own [00:16:00] mind because I, you know, had to quote unquote be out in the minivan. I was not articulating, until I did, all of the things that I didn't like and I was giving all of the power away to the circumstances. I thought the problem with my podcast was the minivan, or the space, either in or not in my house, or the topics, or my audience, or my messaging or my equipment. I thought that my circumstances were creating the feeling of not being at ease. The feeling of this is difficult, the feeling of, I don't like this anymore. Unsurprisingly, it was all me. It was me having these thoughts in my head that I could then take a look at and feel the feelings of to release them from me. Turns out it had nothing to do with my circumstances. It turns out it had everything to do with me [00:17:00] telling myself that everything was hard. Then step three is the success journaling, and this part is tricky for, I'm gonna say all of us. Most of us, some of us, a little of us. The success journaling really came through when I started making incremental moves towards what I wanted. I knew I wanted it to feel cozy, and one of the things that feels very cozy to me is a little bit of darkness. Way back in the day, I used to record the podcast, I think it was... I think it was when it was still the Fitness Matters podcast. Longtime OGs will know, this this podcast has had many iterations in the eight years that I have been recording it, not including the the times that I've been on hiatus. In any event, one of the things that I loved about recording the podcast was that I used to record it really early in the morning when my kids were like sound asleep and my husband was at work. I would sit on the couch and just be cozy with [00:18:00] myself in the darkness recording a podcast. So that was one of my main requirements. When I purchased the, the sound dampening walls, like no matter where I put them, when it was in the garage, or now that it's in my podcast studio, when I have them around me, it feels so cozy and it's a little bit dark. And so I success journaled about that. I acknowledged, I am the creator of the feeling of cozy. Yes, cozy does have a, a circumstance to it, but I am actually the creator of that. I know what I desire and I create that for myself. I am not waiting around for cozy to happen to me. I'm the one making the feeling of cozy. Depending on what exactly you are feeling is hard right now. What you are feeling is difficult right now and [00:19:00] whatever the, the circumstances are where you are telling yourself, I just want this to feel easy. I just want it to be easier than this. I gently offer you that Daily 3 journaling, either in or out of the Get Your GOAL membership is your path to the ease that you desire. Articulate what you actually want, not just what you are bumping up against that you do not want. Then observe what you are telling yourself about your current circumstances. By the way, I feel like I could make this clearer. Articulating what you want is future self journaling. Understanding what you are telling yourself about your current circumstances is metacognitive journaling, and then acknowledge what you are currently doing to create what you want. That is the success journaling. Those are the three parts of the Daily 3 that rewire your brain away from [00:20:00] what our, our brain will naturally and efficiently do, which is continue to think the same old thing over and over and over again, and also confirm that things are bad, that things are difficult. It's called negativity bias, and we all have it. And the Daily 3 helps you move through that and rewire your brain for success. It helps you articulate what you want, move through the mindset blocks that are stopping you right now and create mindset super highways that take you directly to what you want. My friend, I'm gonna go eat breakfast and then I'm gonna go to Apple Hill and eat more sugar because it is one day of the year that I get to do something so completely outside my norm. And that's why it's fun. So fun. Anyways, I'm off. Have a wonderful day. Thank you so much for listening, and I'll talk to you again soon. If you are getting a lot out of the Get Your Goal podcast and you're ready to take your journaling and [00:21:00] mindset to the next level, you belong in the Get Your Goal Membership. Inside, you'll find the expert coaching Insights and interactive community of other ambitious overthinking women that you've been searching for. With weekly group coaching, an expansive library of resources, daily accountability, and a safe space to dig deep at your own pace, the Get Your Goal Membership has exactly what you need to get your goal. Head over to get your goal.com/membership to learn more and join today. I can't wait to see you inside.