Is Your Goal Too Big?

Welcome to the Get Your Goal podcast, the place where ambitious, deep thinking women chart their own course, exploring the mindset, emotions, and daily practices that help you get your goal your way by being unapologetically you. I'm your host Pahla B, master certified life and goal coach and creator of the Daily 3 journaling framework. On this podcast, you'll learn to navigate your unique path to success by using the most powerful tool in your kit, your own internal compass. Ready for the adventure? Let's go. Hello, friend. Do you worry that your goal is too big? I mean, I'm gonna just go ahead and assume that the answer to that question is yes, because you have clicked on a podcast whose episode title is, "Is your goal too big?" But also I'm gonna go ahead and assume that because I think that you and I are very alike, and I also assume that you are like a lot of the women that I work with, both in the Get Your Goal membership, but also just the [00:01:00] women that I see and, you know, don't work with necessarily, but see on social media and have access to the kinds of questions that they ask. I have in my lifetime absolutely had this doubt in my head. And so I really wanted to talk with you about it today. And I wanna tell you right here at the jump that your goal is not too big. Let me just tell you that and also, and also because I do think that you are like me, you lovely overthinking, deep thinking, ambitious woman. Just simply having that platitude of no, your goal is not too big, doesn't actually fix anything for you, right? Like, like, yes. It's nice to hear. Thank you so much. I am still gonna go ahead and explain the rest of it to you because this is the kind of pervasive thing that happens to really specifically, this is the kind of thing that happens to ambitious [00:02:00] women. Not just women who want a little something. Let me be clear. I, I said that with a little bit of a sarcastic tone. The, the little something. A goal is big if it's big to you. If it feels big to you, I'm talking to you. You are ambitious. And also the little bit of sarcastic, oh, I just want a little something, is part of the problem. Because here's the thing, here's what I notice about women like you and I who have these goals that we kind of doubt. The thing is we second guess it constantly. Like we're constantly going around and around in our minds with, well, maybe, maybe this is too big, or maybe it's just something little. It seems so ridiculous that I can't get this because it's a tiny goal. We do things like self-sabotaging, like getting [00:03:00] going, we're going gangbusters and then, you know, a week or two in all of a sudden we just find ourselves wasting time again or procrastinating. Another thing that I often see and have done myself, I'm... okay. I will tell you something in full transparency. I have notes for this episode, and the notes all use the word "you" like, oh, you second guess your goal. You self-sabotage. You do this thing, which I'm about to say. You revise and revise and revise and revise your goal. You're like, oh, this week my goal is this, but next week you'll be like, oh, my goal maybe is this other thing. But I'm having a hard time saying the word "you" because I relate so deeply to all of these, so don't mind me if I use the word we or I use the word you. I'm not accusing you of anything I am telling you, in fact, I will literally tell you stories today about how this, this doubt about my goals being too [00:04:00] big has plagued me for lots of things that I have wanted and some of the things that I have even achieved. So another thing that you and I both say is something like, I just don't know for sure what I want. This one, I will use the word you, you ask for input for or from other people about your goal. This is the thing that I notice the most, being in the position that I am in. I'm a public figure. I talk about goals. I have, you know, a YouTube channel. I have a social media presence. I do have a membership where I do weekly coaching. So I have access to people who ask me with some frequency about their goals. They want some input on like, well, what's a good number that I should weigh? Or, what's a good amount, or what's a, you know, a fast speed to run, or, what's a good amount of time to take? Or what's reasonable? What's a good idea? What do [00:05:00] you think about... and then they'll tell me their goal. I personally am not this kind of person. I'm a "suffer in silence" kind of girl. So my whole thing is that I, this is all internal for me. I dither and dither, and I think that saying my goal out loud will jinx it, or that it's inviting people to judge me or tell me that I'm doing something wrong. So, I personally do a lot of the internal things. You might do some combination of internal or external, like asking other people about your goal and what you should do. And I think that all of us do this last one. We tell ourselves to aim for something reasonable, and I will tell you, I have such a bone to pick with that word reasonable. Oh my gosh, this is a word that drives me [00:06:00] crazy because I have almost ruined so many of my own goals from trying to be reasonable. Here's, I, here's, I have a whole soapbox. In fact, let me just, let me just calm myself down very briefly. I got really worked up about that word reasonable. Because it really is the crux of what I'm talking about today. You do not have to shrink yourself or your goal to be reasonable. You do not need to be reasonable. And in fact, I have an argument for you today that the most reasonable thing you can do is actually get your big, audacious, pie in the sky goal that you have for yourself. I will tell you that something else that happens, uh, with some frequency, and this is something that happened to me, is yes, you do [00:07:00] a lot of the dithering and kind of changing your mind and you're not sure, and maybe I should be reasonable and I have all these fears and self doubts about my goal, but sometimes you actually get the goal. Like in spite of yourself almost, you end up getting the goal, but you don't share it, you don't enjoy it, you don't celebrate it, and subsequently, you might, depending on what kind of a goal it is, just slide backwards into being the person that you were before you even got the goal. And the thing that happens to all of us who struggle with this concept of wondering if your goal is too big, is that you actually think the problem is your goal. Like you legitimately believe that you have not decided on the correct goal. You think that if you could just find the right goal, and it would probably be a smaller one, that this would all be easier, that this would just take care of [00:08:00] itself. And you also might think that like if you aim for intermediary goals, like instead of that big business revenue goal, maybe just go for something a little bit smaller right now. Or instead of that like, oh my goodness, this is what I used to weigh 30 years ago goal. Maybe I'll just lose, you know, five pounds or maybe, you know, it's okay if I just do this little thing because maybe I'll still get that big thing, but let me just aim for, let me focus on, and let me concentrate on this little thing right now. I think that, I think the thinking, this is my theory, is that we can sneak up on the big goal if we aim for little goals. And I will tell you that I have, I'm gonna say never, should I say never. I've never seen that done successfully. Hmm. That's not entirely true. That's not entirely true. In fact, the story that I am gonna tell you about my goal that I got, it was [00:09:00] kind of an intermediary goal. And I'll get there in just a second. Because here's the thing, you also wonder if the thing that you really want is the thing that you really want. I mean, this is something I have butted up against so many times, where I come to this place of so much doubt about my goal, that I start to just completely and utterly talk myself out of it. That maybe none of this goal getting stuff is really important. And you know what? I am gonna not do this anymore, and I'll just focus on something else. There's something else that I want in my life that maybe is more important than this. Here's what happened to me with a goal that I did get, I wrote a book, in a way that I am really starting to see very clearly. I [00:10:00] had a huge, well, I did not have a huge vision for it. I had a big goal that, and I'm getting ahead of myself, this is foreshadowing, that I didn't see very clearly and didn't come to in a way that was going to lead me to the kind of success that I really, truly wanted. The thing about my goal of writing a book is that, first of all, is that I said that, those exact words so often. And I apologize if I haven't talked about this on the podcast. I know for sure that I've talked about this with some frequency inside the Get Your Goal membership, and I don't remember if I've said this exact thing here on the podcast. I. I had those words, "I am writing a book" on my vision board for like three years, and then the whole time that I was writing it, I kept talking about writing a book, and I've started talking about my second book and I've realized that one of the things that happened to me [00:11:00] with that first book was that I focused so much on the writing, which was in all intents and purposes, for all intents and purposes, simply an intermediary goal. The truth of it is, if you are a writer, and I wanna, I lay this out for you gently right now. If you are a writer who dreams of having a published book, then you are not just writing a book. You are writing and publishing and my friend here is what the truth of it is in the modern world, you are also promoting your book. There are three parts to that very specific goal. And for me, one of the problems, and we're gonna get into quite a few of the problems that I had with that goal, but one of the problems that I had is that I really only thought about the writing. Because the writing for me was pretty reasonable. I have always been a writer. I've always considered myself a writer. I've always considered [00:12:00] myself a, a good writer. I got good grades in English. I like writing. I many, many, many moons ago, I had a blog. Even in this version of my career, I, you know, I write for social media, I write emails. I write, uh, a fair bit. I write show notes for the podcast, like I do a fair bit of writing. So the writing part for me was actually kind of talking myself out of what I really wanted in terms of having a book. And in fact that might be, I will offer you that as a, maybe a better way of thinking about your goal is having a book, having a successful book might be a good phrase for you. You get to try on whatever phrases works, but I will, I will caution you do as I, do as I did not do. Telling yourself that you are writing a book is only part of it. The truth of it was, I had, [00:13:00] gosh, I have, I don't think I've ever talked about this part. I had a huge, lofty goal for my book. I actually had a dream publisher that I wanted to work with, and I also like, could not, did not, ever express that I don't think to anybody. Oh my gosh. The, the other part of it, the promoting it honestly in so many ways. I literally did not think about promoting the book at all until it was coming out. And then, those of you who have been around for quite some time, I talked about it and I had a goal of going on a book tour that never really came to fruition. I completely talked myself out of that because I thought at the time, and this was three years ago, I'm gonna give myself a lot of [00:14:00] generosity for where I was in my brain and my own world and my mindset work and my brain body work and really all the things. I mean, yes, I wrote a book about, about metacognitive journaling, but that was the only kind of journaling I was actually doing at the time. So for me, I actually talked myself out of that book tour, that promotion piece of the having a successful, in my case, what I wanted was a bestselling book, and I will tell you, okay, technically. I do have a bestselling book. I do call myself a bestselling author because my book made it to number one on Amazon, which was very exciting. It was very brief, and I have all kinds of caveats. This is me talking myself out of my goal after the fact. Y'all. Let me take a deep breath here. Let me tell you that very often here on the podcast, while I am offering you advice and telling you about things that work, sometimes I'm telling [00:15:00] you about things that didn't work, and lots of times I'm talking to you about stuff that is a work in progress. I promise that I will actually have some examples of something that I have worked through completely and utterly because I do want you to believe that this will work for you too. But this specific example of me having a book has been a learning experience. There are quite a few parts of this puzzle that I love to tell you about. First of all, because I just, I don't ever want you to think that I got everything right the first time. Like, yes, I have a bestselling book and also I, in so many ways, slid into it sideways. In fact, the evidence that you have of that is that I have had the idea for a second and third book for years now. Ever since that first book came out, I've had another one that I know I'm going to write, publish, and promote, [00:16:00] have. I'm going to have a second successful book. And so part of what I love to offer you here on the podcast is this full transparency. Like, here's the news from inside the work. It's not all easy. You're not supposed to get it right the first time, and sometimes even if you get what you think you want that first time, you might weirdly find yourself backsliding or second guessing or struggling to hang onto it in a way that I really want to normalize for you. It's completely okay that you are having the experience that you are having. Whether or not it feels completely easy and you're like, what are you even talking about Pahla? Or, it feels 10 billion times harder than what I'm describing here. Your experience is valuable because, and this is, it's a side note except for the fact that it's literally the foundation of everything that I believe about getting your [00:17:00] goals. You have goals in order to learn something about yourself. You have a goal for the purpose of creating a loving, trusting, respectful relationship with yourself. Learning that you can create what you want, your way, by being your exact version of you, whether or not you are a person like me who has to reinvent the wheel every time, whether or not you are a person who actually makes it look really easy every time, and then just really internalizes all of the self-doubt and anxiety. No matter what your path is, the reason you have goals, and frankly, the reason you're here listening to this podcast is because there is something deep inside of you that you would like to understand and make peace with inside of you. So let's [00:18:00] talk about what it feels like when you think your goal is too big. Because here's the thing. I know what you are trying to do right now is just talk yourself out of it. Like you, you are trying with every fiber of your being to find a goal that is more reasonable, that feels like a quote unquote better fit than the thing that you really, really want. The thing that you want appeared to you, like, I don't care what your decision making process is, you did not decide on that goal. It came to you, and I don't care how you think about that. I, I have a theory. I, I have a theory that it, it is simply your subconscious brain telling you, Hey, there's something in here and you could really work on this. You could really heal this pain that you have deep inside of you, that came from socialization and childhood and all of the experiences that you have had in your life. Like there's this thing that you [00:19:00] could feel better about. So, so here, here appears like magic inside your brain this thing that on its surface may or may not sound like something that you need to make peace with, but that is where I personally believe your goals come from. And so therefore, when you are like trying to change your goal, trying to make it more reasonable or trying to like shrink it or yourself down. One of the other things that you might do, and this is something that kind of, I'm gonna say happened to me as though I'm a victim here. I'm not, but like this was part of my journey, is that you might end up actually taking advice from well-meaning people who unfortunately steer you in the wrong direction for their own reasons. This is also a little bit of foreshadowing, and I'm gonna tell you that everybody on this planet has their own version [00:20:00] of what they think is too big or too much. Every single person, and if you start listening for it, you won't be able to unhear it. Everybody thinks that there's an amount of good that they are allowed to have. And for some people that amount of good is very, very small, and so they will try very hard to give you advice about what you should do so that you don't get disappointed, so that you don't reach too far, so that you don't bite off more than you can chew, so that you don't overreach and try and get a goal that's too big. My friend. There's no such thing. You can have what you want and you can want what you want. The thing about trying to talk yourself out of your goal, I, I think all of us do this thing where we try and talk ourselves into something else because we think it's gonna be easier. Like we legitimately think that aiming for something reasonable, like if you wanna lose 30 or [00:21:00] 40 pounds, you're like, okay, I'm just gonna lose 10 because that'll totally be easier. It'll be easier to maintain. I only have to lose 10 pounds, so it'll be faster. Like I'll be able to do all the things that I wanna do. I'm just gonna lose 10 pounds. And then years later, when you still haven't lost a single pound, you're wondering why wasn't this easier? And I will tell you, it's because it's not what you really want. Your brain is hardwired to seek pleasure and avoid pain. The real pleasure that is waiting for you is your goal, but also that thing inside of you that you want to understand about yourself. Deeply loving and understanding yourself, not being a mystery to yourself anymore, not judging yourself anymore, not having this conscious. Not conscious. Constantly, although you will be conscious [00:22:00] of it, but this constantly contentious relationship where you just argue with yourself and try and talk yourself out of what you want, try and shrink yourself to fit this idea of what you think you should do or be or have. And my friend, you want what you want. You can have what you want, and that's why trying to get something that you don't really want, is actually significantly more difficult than just going for your big, ridiculous, impossible, who in the world would want such a thing kind of a goal. And I say that with a huge smile on my face. I know you can't see me. But I promise you, I'm smiling for you, with you, about you, at you. You have huge goals and I love that for you. I love that for you so much that I have made an entire career out of it. [00:23:00] I love working with women who have these goals. I also, okay, this is gonna sound really funny and that's why I'm stopping myself in the middle of my own sentence. I love working with women who have goals that feel impossible, and that sounds so ridiculous, but I have such a tender place in my heart for women exactly like me who want what you want, even though it kind of feels like nobody else in the world wants it. It kind of feels like who in the world are you even to think that you could do such a thing, but also, but also there you are, like every day. You are moving towards it in ways that feel like you are grinding against stone, and sometimes you're running fast, and sometimes you just wanna quit. And sometimes it just all feels like too much. Yes, I'm your girl. I'm your girl. I am so here for all of that journey. I really truly believe that the journey [00:24:00] is worth it, no matter how grueling it feels while you are doing it. Talking to an ultra marathoner here, I'm thinking really like, really clearly about so many races that I have been through that have felt so hard, so much training that I have done that felt so hard. So many goals that I've had, I mean. My goodness. Even like the writing of the book, the story that I'm telling you in this podcast, I literally cried every single day that I was writing that book. Every single day. And that's not why it was hard. Like that was the part that actually felt really gratifying. I was learning so much about myself. In fact, so much of what I learned about myself during the writing of that book, and now what I'm offering you about the, the publishing and promoting of it. So much of what I learned about myself informs what I tell you about getting goals. If I wouldn't have done that, if it wouldn't have been hard, [00:25:00] if it would've been one of those things where I was like, eh, no big deal. Easy peasy. Well, I wouldn't be here on this podcast. So, so what in the world do you do? If not, shrink your goal or shrink yourself to fit something that is quote unquote reasonable? Like what in the world do you do that's not continuing to just beat your head against the wall or quit or continue to doubt yourself to oblivion? Let's actually talk about what's going on behind the scenes. There's nothing wrong with your goal. I've already told you that. I believe that 100%. There is nothing wrong with you. Let's cover that ground also. That this is not like some lack in you, that you have not created your goal yet. There is something for you to learn about yourself. There is something for you to understand about yourself. There is something for you to heal about yourself. There is a relationship with yourself to forge on your way there, and you just haven't done it yet, and that's completely okay. The other thing that's going on [00:26:00] behind the scenes, and this is the thing that we are actually going to like move towards, I'm gonna say fixing. It's not really, it's not really a problem, so it's not really a solution, there's nothing to fix here, but there are some things to do. So here's what's going on. Number one, you are probably, and this is just a probably, but you are probably not super clear on exactly what you want. You might think that you're pretty clear. It might feel like, well, no, I mean, I've got these words. I know that I'm aiming for this, but you might not be the kind of clear that actually moves you forward towards your goal. And further to that, and these things are related, you're just living up to your socialization. I mean, as I, I kind of covered, every single person on this planet really truly believes that there is an amount of goodness that they are allowed to have, and they share that with you frequently. From [00:27:00] the minute you were born, people have been telling you, both implicitly and explicitly what you are allowed to have based on their own opinions of themselves, which of course are based on the opinions that they heard when they were very young. Like this is just what socialization is. As a society, lots of us have opinions about what people deserve, what people can have, and what is reasonable to want for yourself, because beyond that amount, here's what I heard almost constantly about almost everything that I have ever wanted for myself, is some version of selfish or greedy. It's selfish to do things for yourself, and it is greedy to want things for yourself. You might have heard different words. Don't take that on. Please don't take that on. I'm offering you that as an example. You have been told, you have socialization, you have received [00:28:00] messaging about what you are allowed to have and therefore what you are allowed to want for yourself. And here's the thing. The reason these two things really go hand in hand is that because of your socialization, it's really hard to get clear on what you want. And because you're not clear on what you want, it's really hard to break free from your socialization. Now, I will offer you that... Well, actually, let's come back to the, let's come back to the narrative of me and my book, because here's the part that I haven't really talked about. I had a dream desired publishing house for my first book, and I also, through internet research alone, because I don't actually know any agents except for the one that I have. I had about three like dream desired agents. I did a lot of Googling, like a lot of Googling. A lot of Googling, a lot of listening to [00:29:00] podcasts, a lot of, I'm gonna call it research. I don't love using that word. Sorry, don't mind me. I'm just taking a left turn here about the word research. The word research actually means being a scientist in a lab. If you are looking things up on Google, you are just looking things up on Google. So I did a lot of looking things up on Google when I was writing my first book about publishing and, you know, agents and publishing houses and things like that. I never told anybody about what I actually wanted, almost least of all me, myself. Like I had, I remember I had this full body zing when I was thinking about a specific publishing house and I'm listening to myself. Do you hear me? Like, I still don't even wanna tell you which publishing house it was, and I'm not going to because that's something I'm gonna put a pin in. That's something I'm gonna work through on my way to my second book. Anyways. I had a dream [00:30:00] publishing house. I had a couple of of dream agents that I really, I thought were gonna be like a perfect fit. Again, based only on Google. So I, I felt so skittish, I felt so nervous about all of it. I had so much self doubt about whether or not I was gonna be able to do anything beyond the just the writing of the book. And so what happened to me, which is not me being a victim, what ended up happening along my journey, is that I accepted the very first agent who responded to me like at all. I was like, okay, this is it. I'm done. Ha. I took a big, deep breath and I was like, done, done, done, done, done. I never have to think about another agent again. Even though, looking back, even in the moment, I remember my first conversation with my agent and I had that, that feeling where I was like, this isn't quite right. This isn't quite right. But I had so much self [00:31:00] doubt that I overrode my squeamishness, my knowing that it wasn't quite right, and I told myself, this is it. This is the agent. I have an agent. Whew. Thank goodness that's done. I never have to think about this again. I actually completely shut down the part of me that had something to say about what I really wanted, and I settled for something reasonable because it was directly in front of me. Then further to that, based on the advice from my agent who I, okay, to her credit, I never told her the publishing house that I, that was my big dream desired publishing house. So no, she did not submit my book to them. I, I gave her carte blanche. She had, you know, years and years of experience in the business. She said, here are the places that I'm gonna submit your manuscript to, or not my manuscript, 'cause I didn't have one yet, my [00:32:00] proposal to. And so that's where she sent them. And then only one of them even came back with an offer and we, she did negotiate the offer, but we went with that one right away. And looking back and knowing a little bit more now about publishing and about how things work and about books in general, I can see how I made these decisions. Like this, this, for me, really is the thing that I, or at least one of the things that I had to understand about myself, like that was available to learn about myself, that I was very willing at the time to go with the first agent and the first offer because I really truly believed that nobody would want my book. I really truly believed that nobody would want what I had written, so therefore, the [00:33:00] fact that I had any kind of an agent and any kind of an offer felt again, reasonable. It felt like all I could ask for, as opposed to asking for what I really wanted. Here's the thing, here's the thing about both of those, and this is why I am, I'm even telling you this story, is that I was not super clear. I was very skittish in my own brain. I never allowed myself to imagine what it was going to be like to work with my dream agent and my dream publishing house and my dream book tour, because I didn't think I could have any of those things because of my socialization. So I wasn't very clear. I mean, I was, I was pretty clear verbally about like, not verbally, but like internally, in words about what I wanted. But I hadn't spent any time imagining it and feeling what it would feel like to have what I wanted, and [00:34:00] therefore it was very easy to absolutely believe, hands down, all of the socialization. Because let me tell you something, if you are a writer, there is no shortage of people who want to tell you how hard it is to get published. Like there is no shortage of people who wanna tell you that it is virtually impossible to get an agent, that it is virtually impossible to get published, that everything about the publishing industry is very hard. It's very closed, it's very insular. You have to know people, you have to do this or that. Like I, I will lovingly offer you that a lot of people saying that, is evidence of a lot of people's mindset blocks about what you are allowed to have. A lot of people who are talking about the publishing industry have their own thoughts and their own feelings about how much you are [00:35:00] allowed to have, which of course is simply a reflection on what they think they personally are allowed to have, what they think they are allowed to want. And I want you to know that yes, of course there's some truth. I mean, there's, there's some facts involved in this story. But the facts of the story are not that it is impossible to get published or that it's hard to get an agent because both of those are very subjective. Both of those are stories. There are a number, a finite number of agents in the world. There are also a finite number of publishing houses in the world. There are, presumably, a more or less finite number of books that get published every year. And I don't know the statistics on that, but I have to imagine that all three of those numbers are significantly larger than any of us would think. And also, I'm getting into the weeds. Don't mind me. I'm gonna talk to you a little bit about publishing, that... I'm gonna [00:36:00] talk to you a little bit about publishing, and I'll also, I will just give you a really quick little plug that this is one of the things actually that we talk about inside the Get Your Goal membership. Like we get into the weeds like this. Like really dissecting what it is you want and what kinds of mindset blocks and socialization is very available to you so that you can get clear and then work through your socialization. But here's what I will tell you. I really truly believe that a lot of the reason that people talk about publishing being so difficult, and this is gonna sound really funny, but it's because we writers are so precious with our work. And I say that with so much love, I, I am, not was, I am very precious with my work too. Like every word is my own individual baby and it belongs on the page. And also my work needs to be exactly like this. I actually, I. I had many [00:37:00] conversations with my agent, very specifically, not my editor, but with my agent very specifically about, here is why this needs to belong in this book. This is very important. I had very strong opinions about what needed to be in the book and what I've come to understand is that the publishing business is just that. It is a business. They want to make money, they want to publish books, and a lot of us creative types want very much to just put our baby out into the world exactly at is as it is. And we have a really difficult time thinking about the business part of it. Thinking about your book as a product, as an offer, and offering it to agents as though you can help an agent make money. Because by the way, that's what you're doing. And having that agent offer it to a publishing house as an offer of helping them make money, because by the way, that's what you're doing. When you write a book, you are helping not just yourself, but you, [00:38:00] well, and not just your audience, but you are helping other businesses make money and thinking about it like that. Like with that clear-eyed, how can I package my book? How can I talk about my book? How can I present my book as though it is a business opportunity for an agent and a publisher? Well, first of all, it takes a really different mindset and that is something, like I said, that's something that we actually talk about quite a bit inside the get your goal membership and also, and also it can be so I'm gonna say counterintuitive to somebody like me, for example, when I first came to this as a writer. I just thought I was gonna write a book. And it's kind of funny because I am in business, I am a business woman, but I didn't think about my book as being part of my business. Anyways. Here's the thing. Here is. Here is the problem that you are probably a little bit unclear about exactly what you want and you are [00:39:00] probably listening to your socialization because it's so easy to do so. The clearer you are about what you want, the easier it is to see socialization as just that. And the clearer you are that socialization is just that, the easier it will be to actually picture yourself having what you want without worrying that it's too big of a goal. So the actual solution that I am offering you here is twofold. Number one, future self journaling. This is what we do inside the Daily 3. The Daily 3 is my journaling framework that I offer to you for free. There's a link in the show notes where you can learn all about it. It is a crucial part of getting your goal, where you imagine yourself having what you want. Like in its entirety. Here's, here's the thing that I think a lot of people do with future self journaling, especially if you think of it as like regular journaling, like write down journaling. Like you, [00:40:00] you write down something that ends up basically just being like an empty affirmation. Like I am publishing my book with so and so publishing house. I'm gonna work on that. I really am, there's a pin, I promise you. I am publishing my book with so and so. I am going on a book tour. This is what it's gonna look like. Like we write these things down as though writing them down is gonna bring them to us. And there are plenty of people who wanna tell you that it will, but here is the magic that makes that actually work. It's not the words because words are just in your brain and you, my overthinking friend, you spend, you, you spend plenty of time in your brain. The trick with future self journaling is to feel it. To actually feel yourself doing the thing that you wanna do. I was gonna say, working with your dream agent, that might not be your goal, and in fact, it's probably not. There are so many goals. There are so many goals that I am talking about right now. [00:41:00] Whatever your goal is, the trick to getting clear on it is future self journaling with the Daily 3. Actually not just saying the words, but picturing it, imagining it, feeling it. The emotions you feel in your body are the glue, the magnet rather, is what I was trying to say there, the magnet that brings your goal to you. And the second thing that you can do is actually surround yourself with positive socialization so that you can normalize your goal. Because here's the thing, there is no shortage of people, as we discussed, who want to tell you that you can't have what you want. Like look around you. I'm sure you've seen it. I'm sure you've heard it. Go on Facebook for 30 seconds. You will find people with an opinion that essentially says, your goal is too big. Knock it off. Stop doing that. The magic is getting clear and having other people who get it, [00:42:00] who absolutely understand that your goal is completely reasonable, no matter how big it is. There are people who feel that way. By the way, I don't know if you know that. I don't know if you know that. I, I wanna tell you another story. This is not about my book because I wanna tell you a success story. I wanna tell you about how there was a time when this exact thing worked out for me, and that's why I know this works. I, when I first started running a bajillion years ago. Good golly. How long ago was it that I ran my first marathon? I ran my first marathon in 2009. Somebody else can do the math on that because I can't right this second, I'm in the middle of a story and I can't do math when I'm in the middle of telling a story. I ran my first marathon in 2009 and I vividly remember being like, yeah, this is like who I am. I'm a marathoner and I do this and it's amazing. And so I went on Facebook as one does in 2009, and I [00:43:00] was like, I ran a marathon, blah, blah, blah. And there was a part of me that, I mean, it's funny to me now because, because I've seen so much evidence of the opposite. But at the time, I really, truly thought that every single person that I knew in the world was gonna be like, that's amazing. Congratulations. You are awesome. And leave it at that. I had so many, i'm gonna say unintentional, because I know, I mean, these are my friends, my family, people love me. Like this wasn't about them trying to be mean, but there were people who said things that were, you know, funny, like, oh, I wouldn't even wanna drive that far. Or things like, oh gosh, that's a long way to run. Why? Who would wanna do that? That's, that's weird, essentially. I don't think anybody actually used those words, but I remember kind of hearing it that way. Like I remember being really surprised like, oh, this isn't something that people are [00:44:00] really gonna congratulate me for. Like there are people that I know and love who don't think this is awesome. Because, and we've covered this, because they think that there is an amount of a thing exercise, running accomplishment, that a person is supposed to do or allowed to do, and it's outside of their comfort zone. But here's what I know to be true. I, thankfully, had plenty of support at home. My husband is a runner. My kids are runners. I had the, gosh, I had other friends who are runners. In fact, here, let me, let me tell you that it wasn't every single person on my Facebook page who was like, wow, that's dumb. It was, it was some of the people, and I also had other people who got it. And I leaned into that community. I know people who run, I love people who run. I follow other pages on Facebook with other runners. I have [00:45:00] surrounded myself intentionally with other people who get it. And, and one of the things that I do on almost every single run, almost every single time I head out with my running shoes on, I picture like I imagine my next race. I already know exactly what I want from my next race. I wanna know, I already, not I wanna know. I already know how I want, want myself to feel, how I want to perform, what that's gonna look like, what that's gonna feel like. I spend a good, fair bit of every single run, imagining my next race. That my friend is future self journaling. You do not have to have a pen and paper. You just have to have an imagination. Surrounding yourself with other people who can give you some positive socialization so you can normalize your big [00:46:00] goal, and spending time in future self journaling is the path to success. I will tell you that this is literally the exact reason why I created the Get Your Goal Membership. At the time I created it to help normalize weight loss, like for years. In fact, the first like five years of the group, it was all about weight loss. It was all about like surrounding yourself with other women who are doing the exact same goal. And here is something that I have actually really figured out about being surrounded by women who are doing the exact same thing as you. They're not all doing the exact same thing. Like, like, it's really interesting to me to realize that I was always, always hosting a membership for people who were getting different things. It's been really, it's been really lovely for me personally to create this space where any [00:47:00] woman can have any ambitious goal and still be surrounded by people who get it. And I think that this idea of like positive socialization and normalization, I personally think it is one of the most important benefits of being in a group like that, like having that community of people who get it. And I think on some level it's like, okay, that sounds nice, but what I really want is like. Like something else, like some kind of resources or some kind of like, I wanna know that other people are doing the exact same thing that I'm doing. But I will tell you that the normalization is that biology behind the scenes. It's the way your brain is normally naturally, biologically working. It's looking around you. I mean, you've heard that expression. You are the sum of the five people that you spend the most time with. Like your brain is always looking around like, Hey, let's fit in. So if you find yourself hanging out with [00:48:00] people who don't really get it, people who have their own socialization and their own opinions about your goal and whether or not it's too big, my friend, the Get your goal membership really is the place for you. The women there are working on different things. Absolutely. Which, oh, I was gonna mention that. 'cause here's something that I actually think is really important. I know from my say. For myself is what I was trying to say there. I know for myself that one of the reasons why I did not do this with my book. One of the things that I will intentionally do when I am writing, publishing, and promoting my next book is I will actually surround myself with other people, not just in my own membership, but with other people who are writing. With other people who are getting goals, because at the time, I was so completely intimidated to call myself a writer, to call [00:49:00] myself an author, it didn't even occur to me to get that kind of support. And the few times that I kind of like was on the edges or the fringes of maybe considering myself a writer or an author, I was so completely intimidated and I went directly into that deep compare and despair that I think. That I think could be an entire podcast episode by itself. In any event, in any event, that's actually one of the things that I think is great about the Get Your Goal membership is because we're not all working on the exact same thing, it's a lot easier to stay out of the compare and despair and simply focus on the ambition and that understanding that your big goal is getable. You can have what you want no matter what it is. And here's the thing, here's the thing that will happen when you start actually implementing this. I love to give you [00:50:00] like, okay, here's what you do. You're gonna do future self journaling and you're going to have a, some sort of community of positive socialization so that you can normalize getting what you want. Okay. Those are your two action items. And I really love to be very reasonable, if you will, about what that's going to feel like, because nothing feels like getting licked by kittens immediately. Nothing. These are skills. These are things that you are working on, so it's gonna feel like work. I really want you to know that when you first start future self journaling, it's not going to feel easy. You are not going to have a vivid, clear picture full of emotions of this big, huge goal. You're going to have self doubts. You're going to try, and even in the middle of trying to picture yourself with your big goal, you're gonna try and talk yourself out of it. Let it be clunky and awkward at first. And come back to it [00:51:00] again and again. When you first like join a group, like if you join my membership or you join another community, or you start surrounding yourself, yes, you're probably going to feel intimidated. And if you are anything like me and consider yourself socially awkward, you're gonna feel socially awkward. Like, let me just, let me just rip off that bandaid. It's fine and take your time in your way. I actually intentionally designed my own membership to be very introvert friendly. I am an introvert. When I am in other people's groups, I take my sweet time getting the lay of the land because I am not the kind of person who jumps in and posts the first day and says, hi, here I am, and starts making friends. I am a lurker. I really like to just read and see what's going on before I start talking to people. I want you to know that no matter which kind of person you are, you're an extrovert who loves meeting new people, fantastic. You're gonna do great in inside the membership. Or if [00:52:00] you are the kind of person who's like, no, I'm kind of just here to be quiet and learn in my own way, you're gonna do great inside the membership too. Like it's, it's for all kinds of people who want all kinds of goals in all kinds of ways. But then here's what'll happen. After you get past that clunky and awkward stage, it gets easier and better and faster to move towards your goal. The thing is, you might not realize right now how much time you are spending doubting yourself. You might not realize how many days and weeks and months and years are actually slipping by underneath you while you are trying to figure out what's reasonable, while you are trying to shrink either yourself or your goal to fit what you think is okay, or safe or permissible. Time will start to feel [00:53:00] easier and simpler to do with what you want. That sentence was so awkward. You will find yourself as if by magic doing the things you mean to be doing. You will procrastinate less. You will spend less time being indecisive. You will spend less time playing on your phone. You will spend less time looking for outside validation or opinions, and you will spend less time, and this was the one that I think is most important for me, following advice that doesn't actually suit you. When you have a clear vision and lots of good positive socialization and normalization for what you want, my friend, you will get what you want. I'm gonna go ahead and say it the right way so that I can do the mic drop moment. You will get your goal. Roll credits. That's what we're here for. Thank you so, so much for listening today. I will talk to you again soon. [00:54:00] No matter where you are on your goal getting journey, i'm here to help. Get started by watching the free Daily 3 masterclass to learn the simple journaling framework that rewires your brain for success. Move forward with confidence at your pace with one of my goal specific guided journaling experiences. And when you're ready for immersive exploration with fellow travelers just like you, you belong in the Get Your Goal Membership. Find it all, and join the adventure at getyourgoal.com.