Welcome to Get Your GOAL with Pahla B, I'm your host, Pahla B. I'm a weight loss and menopause expert, certified life coach and author of the book Mind Over Menopause. On this podcast, we dive deep into the mindset tools and proven Get Your GOAL formula that will help you lose weight for the last time. Are you ready to Get Your GOALl? Me too. Let's go.
Hey GOALfriend. Welcome to episode number 273. The one where we talk about what to do when nothing's working because, oh my gosh, is that the worst, or at least I'm gonna say one of the worst. Like if I had to pick one of my least favorite feelings, it's at least in the top 10, that feeling of, ugh, nothing is working. You know, you're stepping on the scale and you're either bouncing around a couple of pounds or okay, yes, technically the weight's coming off, but it's coming off so slow or just feels like, like the strategy that you're using is like kind of good, but also kind of not because it's a little bit hard to stick to and maybe it's just not really working and you're not quite ready, didn't give up, you're not quite there where you're like, okay, this is it. I'm gonna quit.
This is definitely not the thing that's gonna get me where I wanna go, but you're also like, there's gotta be something that I can do to make this work the way I want it to work. Well, today we're talking about that, and today I love to warn you right at the top. I mean, we're almost always talking about weight loss. This is a weight loss podcast. I always talk about how to Get Your GOAL, and I'm gonna share with you today my experience, not with weight loss, but with YouTube. And I know that that might not seem related and sometimes that's a really good thing. I have come to the conclusion lately that sometimes it's really helpful to hear examples and to think about your journey from such a totally different perspective that it almost doesn't seem like it applies to you because it frees up something in your brain where you're working so hard on trying to solve your specific problem, that thinking about a different problem can help you connect dots because you're not right in the middle of your own problem.
And I, this is, I mean, God, that's like , that's like a podcast within a podcast right there. But I'm gonna offer you some of my experience of trying to work with my YouTube career and how difficult it was and this very, very, very pervasive thought that I had, that nothing that I was doing was working. And I wanna be really clear that yes, this is a mindset podcast, which means that yeah, we're gonna talk about the thought that nothing is working because my friend, do you know that that's a thought, that concept of nothing's working or it's not working is a thought in your brain that is holding you back from things working. And once I realized that it made all the difference in the world, that thought is the thing that has you doing stuff like changing things around and feeling like you have to solve a problem or feeling defeated, like you can't possibly move forward.
That thought in and of itself is the problem as opposed to the things that, or the program that you're working with. But here's the thing, there are some things that you can do to help you move forward that are above and beyond simply recognizing that your thought is a thought. Because I know that on some level, especially if you've been listening to this podcast or any length of time, I know that on some level you know that it's a thought and you know that that thought is the problem. But also what do you do with that thought? What do you do to move forward to feel like things are working well? I've got three things for you today to help you conceptualize that nothing's working as a thought, but also to help you move forward. Today is a very practical day. I love practical stuff.
I love being able to do something cuz really, I mean we've already talked about like top 10 least favorite feelings. One of my most favorite feelings is being productive, of feeling like I am moving forward, like I am making progress, like I am doing something that's gonna get me where I wanna go. So let's talk about the three things that you can do to help you feel like you're moving forward and getting progress towards your goal. Thing number one, this one's gonna be tough for lots of us, for you, for me, for many of us, is to stop analyzing the daily data and start looking at the bigger picture.
Y'all, this is how your brain works. Your brain wants to look at one thing and extrapolate from it. Your brain is so, so, so good at analyzing data and so bad at actually analyzing data. , I'm sorry for laughing, I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing at myself. This was something that I used to do all the time. I would release a video and I would obsess over how many views it was getting, like especially way back in the beginning of my YouTube journey, I would hit refresh and refresh and refresh and refresh to see how many views it was getting. And just super quick, I know that you don't or maybe you don't care. Views have nothing to do with anything. View count is actually kind of just a vanity number. The way that YouTube pays me is kind of based on views, but also in a very real sense, not like YouTube has such a, I'm gonna call it an advanced algorithm at this point.
Once upon a time, like way, way, way back, like we're talking, gosh, 2005, 2006 probably. It was based very much on views. Like when you got views that triggered their, you know, their advertisement chain of events, you would get paid for the views, how many ads got shown and it was just a a straight like 60 40 split. Like they took 60% of the ad revenue, you got 40% e essentially it was fractions of a penny per view. Well, their algorithm has gotten a lot more sensitive and what YouTube is looking at now isn't just a view, but it's an engaged viewer who not, and it's not about likes or shares or anything like that. It's, it takes into account all of the things that a viewer might do if they actually enjoyed your video and want to see more of your content. So a view count has almost nothing to do with getting paid, but a viewer who watches the video maybe likes it or comments on it and probably watches another video and engages in a way that like maybe they go to your channel or maybe they come to your channel every day Over time, YouTube understands how human beings behave If they enjoy a video and want to see more videos like that video, that's how I get paid.
It's not about a number of views almost at all. And it's definitely not about a subscriber count. I mean because YouTube frankly is tracking you , they're, they're watching your every move. They know exactly what you want to see, where you go next, what you're gonna look at first when you first come onto the platform, what you're gonna watch second, all of those things. You don't even have to subscribe anymore in order to see somebody's videos. So subscriber count is like definitely a vanity number and has nothing to do with getting paid. But so those were the things that I used to obsess about was subscriber count and view count. Even though I knew it had nothing to do with my revenue or growing my business or any of my actual like metrics that I should have been paying attention to, I would still pay attention to metrics that didn't matter.
Here's how I'm going to equate this for you is number one, things like looking at your step count. Truly your step count has nothing to do with whether or not you are losing weight, but also on the daily looking at your exact weight and trying to extrapolate information from that as to where you are going next. Today's weight is almost entirely meaningless and yet your brain being your brain, human brains do this. Human brains make meaning of everything. So your brain looks at today's weight and makes some assumptions about what it means about what you ate yesterday, what you did yesterday, and how fast you're gonna be able to get to your goal. Whether or not you are losing weight in the grand scheme of things like your brain is making today's number mean things that it doesn't mean just so you know, like let me give you a little bit of science because the science is really important here.
Today's weight has almost nothing to do with yesterday's food. I see this constantly in my comments and on Facebook in like my private free group on on Facebook called the Beehive. There is almost no correlation between today's weight and what you ate yesterday and yet all of us, you, me and everybody else are always like, ah, shouldn't have had that extra piece of cake or I I say extra like we had more than one because sometimes we do. Here's the thing, an extra piece of cake actually doesn't show up. Your body is really, really capable of handling, I'm gonna call it an anomaly, meaning like if you go way over your calories or way under your calories every once in a while your body zeroes that out like no big deal here. Your body is really, really capable of a pretty big fluctuation of the amount of calories you eat over time, your eating being inconsistent, your body will actually just maintain your weight because it sees that as being perfectly fine and perfectly normal because of the millennia that human beings had of not being able to eat consistently.
Your body actually can handle inconsistent number of calories just fine. Well, your body has a hard time with though. The thing that almost always shows up on the scale immediately and generally speaking it's gonna be as a gain, is a lack of sleep or a lack of water or an overall stress. Your body will show stress, sleep and exercise sometimes like over exercising on the scale as a gain much more quickly than a food anomaly. Over time is where you can actually analyze your results. Over time is the only place that you can tell how your food is doing in the short term. And I, I still don't suggest that you analyze the daily data in the short term. What is showing up on the scale is very likely sleep or water or stress or over exercise and for a really thorough conversation about how any of these things work and the science of how these things work.
I've got a couple of different episodes, can't think of names or titles or numbers off the top of my head, but I will have them in the show notes for you about like the science of exercise, the science of how to lose weight. In fact, I think the episode was even called How to Lose Weight. In fact, I'm almost positive that it was. So that's the one I'm gonna point you to. But over time is the only place that you can see whether or not the number of calories that you are eating and the quality of food that you are eating is working for you on the daily. You might get a little bit of information about your sleep or your stress or your exercise, but honestly even then sometimes your body just fluctuates. In fact, your body does just fluctuate. Your daily fluctuations are not indicative of your overall trend.
They are just fluctuations and really pulling that apart for yourself and not analyzing the daily data but only allowing yourself to sit down with all the numbers, all the information approximately once a month or every six weeks is the only way to really tell where you're going and whether or not what you are doing is getting you there and noticing that your brain is gonna offer you daily data analysis is really important so that you can hear it and recognize that it's not helping you. That honestly daily analysis isn't helpful to you, especially very, especially when your daily data analysis feels bad because my friends, that is the two step tool. That one I know it's episode number 89, mindset management or mind management, I don't remember what it's called, but I do know the number. Now, when you feel bad or uncomfortable in any manner, the thought you have just thk that created that bad or uncomfortable feeling for you is unhelpful from moving you towards your goal.
When you get off the scale and you're like, oh, it must be that thing I ate yesterday and you feel defeated or you feel frustrated or you feel guilty for that thing you ate, that's not a helpful thought. When you recognize that you are trying to make meaning of your numbers every single day, you can through like curious, compassionate observation, recognize those thoughts is unhelpful. Daily data analysis isn't getting you where you want to go, so stopping the daily data analysis and starting looking at the bigger picture is the thing that you can do to start working, to start getting towards your goal sing. Number two, . I'm laughing already before I even say it out loud because this isn't gonna sound very helpful, but I promise that it is, is to brainwash yourself, but only in a good way , the truth of it is my friends, when you are doing this work of like finding your thoughts and deciding if they're helpful, like finding your thoughts and recognizing that quite frankly lots of them are unhelpful, there are more unhelpful thoughts rattling around in your brain right now and that's completely okay.
And one of the things that you could do is listen to podcasts like this that remind you that it's totally okay to have unhelpful thoughts, listen to podcasts or do the workouts that have the helpful thoughts like offering yourself the option of helpful thinking. Even though your brain left to its own devices, those automatic thoughts are mostly unhelpful. It's completely okay and you have messages available to you that feel at least incrementally better that feel like you're moving in the right direction, that feel positive, that feel good. That's what I mean by brainwashing yourself. Something like listening to a podcast that helps you normalize that you know you, you have a lot of unhelpful thoughts, it's totally okay, here's what to do with them watching old exercise videos of mine that help you recognize that everything's gonna be okay, that there are options for you.
Really immersing yourself in this work in some way that helps you move forward with it is the thing to do when allegedly nothing is working. The truth of it is that changing your mindset takes repetition. It takes immersing yourself. It takes brainwashing yourself to believe that something else is available to you. Now, I know that this can feel a little sticky, like what if it's all a lie? Like what if I'm just gaslighting myself? What if I am brainwashing myself and here's what I have to offer you? There's actually nothing wrong with that because if it feels good and it gets you where you wanna go, that means that it was a good kind of brainwashing. The yes you changed your mind to believe something that you didn't previously believe, but also that thing that you didn't previously believe, didn't feel good and wasn't getting you where you wanted to go.
So why would you want to continue to believe that there was nothing more, more true or more right, or more you about that old thought and this newer thought, the one that feels good, the one that's getting you where you wanna go has every bit as much truth to it has every much, every bit as much like validity to it has everything to do with who you are as a human being, which is to say not much because it's a thought that you can think and it's a thought that's getting you where you wanna go. It's actually really okay to brainwash yourself as long as, here's my caveat, it actually feels good. Cause here's the thing, I tried for a long time to brainwash myself in a good way, , except that it wasn't a good way. I tried really, really hard to believe new things about my YouTube journey and about being a YouTuber and always felt a little bit sticky.
It always felt a little bit like, this isn't quite who I am. This doesn't quite feel right, and I kept trying to convince myself that this was in alignment, that this felt amazing, that I was gonna get there, that everything was gonna be great, and yet I wasn't being truthful with myself. I wasn't noticing the signals that my body was sending me. I wasn't tapping in to whether or not it felt good. So here's what I have to offer you. Make sure that while you are listening to podcasts or watching the videos or taking in whatever content it is, you know the the short videos that I have for you. Now when you are taking in that content, take a quick moment to recognize how you feel. If it feels good, then you're brainwashing yourself in a good way. If it still feels like unbelievable or skeptical or doubtful or like I'm never really gonna get there or like this doesn't quite apply to me or I just don't know if this is gonna work, then those messages aren't helpful for you right now.
It means that you noticing whether or not you feel good is the standard by which you know whether or not you are brainwashing yourself in a good way, my friends, you always have the answer inside of you, like literally inside of you. If you feel good, then you are moving forward. Okay? And then the third thing that you can do is to get support and know which kind of support you are actually seeking. Okay? This is not a YouTube example. There was this time in my life where my sister was going through a really, really rough time, like a really rough time and it's kind of funny to me now because I can see the seeds. This was so long before I started doing any kind of mindset work, but I can see the seeds of how I was a life coach even way back before I was a life coach.
I wanted to offer her a very specific kind of support, which is to say I kind of offered her tough love and it did not come across loving. It just came across as tough. I basically flat out told her she was wrong and that she was looking at this situation in the wrong way. That if she wanted to feel better, that she needed to change her mind. I, I really laugh at this now because it's essentially the kind of like advice that I offer you in every single podcast. It's the advice that I offer you when you come to the Get Your GOAL group and you get coaching with me, like I'm always offering you this kind of tough love, like hey, this situation that you are finding yourself in, it's because of your thoughts and you could think differently and if you do, you'll feel better.
And sometimes that doesn't feel good in the moment sometimes. Sometimes the support that you truly want in the moment is for somebody to just validate that you feel like crap and my friend that is completely okay. I offer you that somebody feeling sympathy for you with you isn't probably gonna move you forward, but also sometimes you don't wanna move forward. You know what, sometimes you do and by you, I mean me sometimes I just wanna sit and wallow in the nothing's working feeling. Sometimes I just wanna feel sorry for myself. There is nothing wrong with that and further to that not but, but, and sometimes you kind of wanna feel sorry for yourself, but know that you can move forward and the type of support that you would seek in that situation is coaching and maybe a little bit of tough love when you know which one you want, you can seek the exact kind of support for where you are in that moment.
Neither one of these things is wrong. Neither one of these things is right. Neither one of these things is like the way that you should do things. Sometimes you can sit and feel sorry for yourself or angry. I, I offer you, feel sorry for yourself because that's how I, that's my go-to. Sometimes you can just feel mad. This was the thing with my sister really specifically, she just wanted to be mad. She absolutely wanted to be in her anger and what I was offering her was that she didn't have to feel angry and then she got angry with me for offering her that. And I'm laughing and it wasn't funny at the time, like it was actually a really rough patch in our relationship because I was stubbornly trying to offer her what I now see as life coaching. And she was stubbornly wanting me to just be on her side.
And thankfully, I mean thankfully we were able to come to an agreement and I did get to a point where I could just, I'll be honest, I couldn't just be on her side because I could see that it was hurting her to be angry, but I could listen to her without offering advice. I could listen to her without telling her that she was wrong for feeling angry and that there was something else that she could do. I could listen. I didn't agree with her and I could admit that now, but I could listen and that was what she wanted and I hope No, I know, I know that she did feel supported and this is what I'm offering you. You can want whatever kind of support you want. Both of them are fine and know which one you want. Because frankly, if you think you want coaching, but you kind of don't, you're gonna feel really frustrated with coaching.
And if you think you want somebody to just sympathize with you and what they're offering is coaching, it's also not gonna sit right. Knowing what you want. I mean, and this is a big picture advice too. Knowing what you want will help you get what you want by seeking out the thing that you actually want. This was actually something that I, I struggled with, I personally struggled with with my YouTube journey, is that I really wanted to feel sorry for myself. I totally did and I didn't recognize that I kept coming to my coach with tell me what to do so that I can do it so that I can move forward and then she would tell me what to do and I couldn't do it because I just really wanted to feel sorry for myself. And I did not recognize that in myself for quite literally years.
I worked with my YouTube coach for years and really only felt sorry for myself. It was rough on my coach, it was rough on me. I'm sure it was actually more frustrating for her than it was for me frankly, because because I wasn't frustrated, I just felt sorry for myself. As it turned out, it was very, very difficult to implement any kind of forward momentum because I was just feeling sorry for myself. The truth of it is my friend, sometimes that's where you are and there's nothing wrong with that. And when you are ready to move forward, you will recognize that everything is working. When you can do the three things, I mean when you can stop analyzing the daily data, it's going to be because you recognize that nothing's working as a thought and you're able to see that everything is working When you brainwash yourself in the good way, you can recognize that thought of nothing's working and start to see the option that truly everything is working.
When you can get support and have somebody else just gently holds your hand and show you the option that this is a thought and there's another thought available to you. The thought that everything is working and this is what I offer you, that these are the three, you know, like action steps to stop analyzing the daily data and start looking at the big picture to brainwash yourself in a good way and to get support and understand exactly what kind of support you are looking for this moment. Because truly my friend, everything you are doing is working. And I don't mean that to say that it's working as fast as you want. I don't mean that to say that it is working in even the way that you want. I mean that it is working. The things you are doing are getting you a result that if you, if you can come up and out of being in the result and be open and curious and compassionate about what you are thinking and how you are feeling and the things that you are doing and the results that you are getting, every result you have ever gotten is working towards getting you the result that you want.
All of the results that you are getting are information about what you can think and feel and do to get where you actually wanna go. Everything you are doing is working. I know that that got a little deep and we kind of got into an onion, so let's, let's stay with the action steps for right now of not analyzing the daily data. Like really hear your brain when it's trying to make sense of the daily numbers and recognize that the scientific formula indicates that you have to collect data and enough of it, you have to have a big enough data set before you can analyze it. Really, really immerse yourself in the possibility that things could be working. That brainwashing yourself in a good way will help you see the bigger picture and seeking the support, the coaching if you want it, or the sympathy if it's what you want right now. Seeking support and having somebody else's eyeballs on your big picture can really help you recognize where you are right now and where you are going in the long run. Because where you're going in the long run, of course is getting your goal. That's what we do around here and I really hope that this was helpful for you. I hope you have a great day and my friend, I will talk to you again soon.
Thanks for listening. Be sure to leave a rating and review so other women of a certain age can stop struggling with the scale and start loving their menopausal bodies. And if you are ready to change your mindset while you're changing your weight, then it's time to get into the Get Your GOAL Mastermind group where you'll find my proven success formula answers to your questions expert coaching and the community support you've been looking for. You don't need to lose weight alone when you can have fun and level up your mindset with friends, with weekly coaching calls, live journaling classes and access to the tools and strategies I've used to help thousands of women lose weight for the last time. The Get Your GOAL Group is the place for you to get your goal. Learn more about group membership at www.GetYourGOAL.com and I'll see you inside the group.