This is What It Really Takes To Get Your Goals

Welcome to the Get Your Goal podcast, the place where ambitious, deep thinking women chart their own course, exploring the mindset, emotions, and daily practices that help you get your goal your way by being unapologetically you. I'm your host Pahla B, master certified life and goal coach and creator of the Daily 3 journaling framework. On this podcast, you'll learn to navigate your unique path to success by using the most powerful tool in your kit, your own internal compass. Ready for the adventure? Let's go. Hello, friend. Today we're talking about what it really takes to get your goal, and as the title of this podcast implies, I have a mindset shift for you that I have used in my own life to great effect, and I really wanted to share it with you today because I do think that this is a conversation that is appropriate. Well, first of all, I know it's a conversation that's appropriate for all goals. Like really everything we ever talk about [00:01:00] here on the podcast is about all goals. But I want you to know that there is something that I think we all think about our individual goals that is... Correct enough on the surface that I don't often tell you about this mindset shift or this nuance. And then when I do tell you about this mindset shift and this nuance, sometimes it gets. I am gonna say misappropriated. So let me tell you what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the fact that we all think that there are things that we have to do to get our goals. And what I often say to somebody who tells me, oh my gosh, you know, I have to do X, Y, or Z to get my goals. You know, I have to get all my tasks done every day. I have to get consistent. I have to work hard. I have to make sacrifices. I have to do without, I have to restrict myself. I have to, you know, be on a diet. I have to get my but in the chair if I wanna write a book. I have [00:02:00] to learn how to be great at marketing. I have to do whatever, like fill in the blank with whatever it is that you're telling yourself to do. And I often give the advice or the the quick version of, okay, first of all, you don't have to do anything. And I know that, that you might already have some pushback there, but let's just say that you've heard me talk about this before. You don't have to do anything. You're kind of on board with me there. And then the next thing that I often say is that you can reframe this with what do you want to do? And what I often see happening when that part of the mindset shift, like, okay, I get it. That makes sense. I'm making choices, is what people often say to me. I choose to restrict myself and go on a diet. I very often, if you're reading the transcript, I'm speaking in a very like sarcastic and beleaguered tone. Like you are saying the words that you're [00:03:00] making choices, but also, you don't really think they're choices. You don't really think or believe or feel that these are things that you would necessarily want to do if you really had your druthers about it. Sorry, I just got caught up in my own mind about that, how funny that word druthers is because what it is I'm assuming, I actually have never looked this up, but I'm assuming that's like a really old, um, contraction because it means like, I would rather, but it's like three words in one I, my druthers about what I would rather do. Anyways. Don't mind me. Don't mind me just distracting myself. I'm having that sort of a day today, by the way. Oh my gosh. Can I just talk about me for a quick second? I am very distractible today. I have spent a lot of time in this topic myself, like honestly, I had it in my head today. I have made myself the promise that I was going to work on the podcast today. I've had [00:04:00] many topics swirling around in my brain. When I sat down to do my Daily 3 this morning, which by the way, is, uh, my journaling framework that I talk about with some frequency here on the podcast, but if this is the first time you're here, I have a journaling framework that I really offer you that helps you rewire your brain for success, for you to get your goals. It helps you well, it helps you do what we're even talking about today with not making over promises to yourself and then getting frustrated and then not trusting yourself to follow through. But rather to see yourself where you are, have a very clear vision of what you want, and then asking yourself gently what you are really, truly, honestly going to do today in order to move yourself towards that. Also, there's a, a metacognitive journaling part where you, you know, untangle the stories that you're telling yourself about why this is hard for you, or why this is difficult, or why you [00:05:00] can't have it, and then you also celebrate your successes of following through and becoming the person that you want to be, the person who has your goal. If this is the first time you've heard about it, I lovingly invite you to go watch the free masterclass that explains all about the Daily 3, much in much more detail than what I just did. Where I'm going with this story though is that today, this morning I was doing my Daily 3. I was doing the future self journaling where I picture myself with my goals and feel the feeling of being a person who is running a simple, successful business. I've been thinking about this a lot. This is also me distracting both of us from this topic, but I've been thinking about this a lot, about how one of the stories that I have told myself about having a successful business is that it has to be big, in terms of like, I have to have a staff, I have to have other people who are working for me. I have to, you know, have all this social media [00:06:00] and an omnipresence and I have to. Have to. Do all these things that I don't really want to do. And so I've been really focusing on picturing having the kind of like financial success that I want while having the kind of emotional success that I want. There's a personal mastery that I deeply enjoy. There is a way that I love to bring out my best by learning new skills and getting so good at them that I actually don't want somebody else on my team doing those things because I know what the real mechanism is of success, and it's not omnipresence, it's not being everywhere and having a TikTok and an Instagram and uh, everything all the time. It's about being, well, frankly, it's about being me. And it's about giving my [00:07:00] brain body full alignment, magical magnetic best when I offer you what I offer you. Anyway, I sat down, I was thinking about that. I was feeling into that simple, successful business, and I asked myself, what is it that I wanna do today for that? What is it that I feel inside of me? And I definitely felt creative. I felt talkative. I felt very chatty this morning. So I was like, today must be a podcast day. And then today was also a very distractible day where I, I had one of those days where I was so full of ideas that it was very hard to like grab onto one of them. I have, and this is it, this conversation about how we all tell ourselves we have to do things. The truth of it is I didn't have to record a podcast today, and I didn't just pat myself on the head and say, I want to [00:08:00] record a podcast today. I actually spent the moment doing this thing that I'm gonna tell you. Because I know you have an argument in your brain and possibly out loud depending on whether or not I have any access to speaking with you or reading your comments or whatever you might have told me. But Pahla, I really do have to work hard. I really do have to make sacrifices. I really do have to push myself. I really do have to do these very practical things in order to get my goal. And what I want for us to talk about today is how... a couple of things. Number one, those words "have to" generate some version of the feeling of obligation, and I'm going to use the word powerlessness. And what I mean by that [00:09:00] is that there's an obligation to a thing outside of you. And that when I offer you the advice of, you know, think about what you want to do, that, that is the first step between letting the, the circumstances outside of you dictate what you do versus the circumstances inside of you. Your own desire dictating what you want to do. And the truth of it is that oftentimes even when we are telling ourselves, oh, I really want to do this. I want to do these things, I want to, you know, whatever it is, the tasks that you are trying to get done, even when you're telling yourself you want to do them, you are, I was, we all are very subtly thinking about the word [00:10:00] take. That's why I titled the podcast what I did today. This is what it really takes to get your goal. This is a conversation that I've been having with myself a lot recently when I have been deconstructing goals that I have already gotten, that I have gotten in a way that felt sustainable, that felt doable, that felt very much like me living my best life and giving my, my version of my best energy to the goal. Sorry, I distracted myself again because I'm like, I know that word best implies some sort of like perfectionism or some sort of outside standard, and I really want to clarify to you that that's not what I'm talking about. Best for me is an internal feeling, not an external standard. So I, I want to clarify for you so that you can hear it that way. I'm not trying to be like [00:11:00] the best, I'm thinking about that. Like, I never tried to be the best. I'm not an Olympic athlete. I'm not, uh, you know, one of the, the billionaires with the biggest business in the world. I don't even actually know which one of the, what, eight families that run the world, who that would be. But like, I'm not trying to be the best. What I want is the feeling of my best. That is what I am aiming for. In any event, here's what we're talking about. All of us, when we are thinking about this best and this have to, we tend to focus on what the goal is taking from us. It's taking time, it's taking effort, it's taking creativity, it's taking energy. It's taking my, uh, you know, my thoughts, my, uh. Time, my energy, my, uh, uh, I don't even know how else to finish that sentence. It's, we focus on what our goals, what our tasks are taking [00:12:00] from us. Instead of, and here's the real nuance that I wanna offer you today is that your goal, your tasks on your way to your goal are all about an energy exchange, that you are in charge of. I wanna, I wanna offer you a bit of a definition about what I'm talking about with energy, because it's not just one thing in this conversation. For the purposes of this conversation, when we're talking about energy, we're talking about resources. Meaning time or effort or actual legitimate, you know, calories if we're talking about a physical goal, or your emotional energy. And I will tell you that this is where most of us are actually wasting our resources. [00:13:00] When you are currently telling yourself, and I feel like that sentence is a big pointing finger. When we, let me include myself, when we are telling ourselves we have to do a thing, the emotional cost of that sentence is the feeling of burdened. Or obligated. Or pressured. That feeling, I mean, I want you to actually, here, let's workshop this together for a moment. When you say you have to do something, I want you to take a moment and actually feel what that feels like in your body. It feels heavy. You are quite literally in a physics sense creating drag. You are taking energy, using energy, just to overcome that inertia of that heavy feeling before you even get [00:14:00] in motion on doing the task, whatever the task is. When you think about getting your goal and doing your tasks as an exchange of energy and really thinking about an exchange of energy in a way that you are prioritizing your energy, really thinking about which part of your tasks are an energy drain, use energy, are energy consumption. And I'm thinking really specifically, like if you have a running goal, for example, going for a run, consumes energy, it uses calories to go for a run. And so thinking about going for a run, in order to meet your running goal, as an energy exchange, it can help you start to prioritize things like drinking your water to make sure that your blood pressure is already up so that you can sustain the pace that you want to sustain and you don't lose too much liquid via [00:15:00] sweating that would knock you out in the middle of your run. It has you thinking about prioritizing fueling, actual food, that can, depending on when you eat and what you eat and where you're eating, and how long of a run you're going for, all of those things, there are factors to think about here, but prioritizing something that's going to help with your blood sugar because that is the first resource that your body goes to. Make sure that your, uh, glycogen stores in your muscles are always nice and full before you go for a run. And also perhaps making sure that you have fuel on your run. Thinking about getting a good night's sleep the night before, making sure that you are resting and recovering afterwards. Thinking about your goal as an energy exchange and really taking agency over the fact that you are in charge of when you are spending and when you are replenishing. [00:16:00] I know that's really easy. Maybe. Depending on whether or not you're a runner. That, to me, because I am a runner, sounds like a very easy example to think about it when you are literally burning calories and literally eating to replenish. Like that kind of energy exchange probably, I assume makes a lot of sense to you. I offer you that in another kind of energy exchange where you might be thinking about it as exercise and eating. If you have a goal of weight loss, I offer you gently that you might be draining your own energy via the feelings that you have about the tasks of weight loss and or your ability to lose weight and or whether or not you really want to, or if you wanna focus on your health, if you really wanna do this thing, if [00:17:00] you should restrict yourself, or if you have to make yourself eat a certain way. There is... I have seen, rather, let me say it that way. I have had access over my years as a a personal trainer and then a weight loss coach, and now a goal coach. I've had access to lots of conversations with lots of women who have lots of leaking energy, let's call it, when it comes to the emotional load that we carry while we are working towards a weight loss goal. Thinking about your goal and your tasks as an exchange of energy that you have agency for agency over rather, and that you have responsibility for. That's why I combined those two things, agency over and responsibility for. Dare I say that telling yourself you have to do things [00:18:00] is an easy way to not take responsibility and don't hear that as blame or judgment. We get socialized that we have to do things. I mean, let's, let's come back to that part of the conversation. We get socialized that we have to do things, and then it becomes very efficient to think that we have to do things. When you take agency over your energy exchange, when you take responsibility for your energy exchange. It gives you the opportunity to actually hear yourself, and I wanna offer this to you as some of the biggest relief you might ever feel. When you shrug off the cloak of obligation of I have to, and you take the time to ask yourself, like really ask yourself and not in the sarcastic, burdened way of, I guess I want [00:19:00] to do these things, but actually ask yourself, what do you want to do? I tell you, it's very easy for me to come to the podcast without a have to feeling, but with a feeling of deep desire. I love talking and I love talking to you, really specifically. I love talking to you. My audience for this podcast who, in spite of my distractibility, really followed along on this deeply nuanced conversation that moves both of us forward. When you have the opportunity, and you do, to listen to yourself and to ask yourself from a beautiful place of this goal is mine to get. When you ask yourself what you want, and what your priorities are, not just the ones you've been socialized to believe, not just the ones that everybody and their mother and your [00:20:00] dog is telling you that you have to prioritize other people. You have to prioritize... And I'm gonna let you fill in the blank on that. You've been told your whole life that you have to put other people first. I can say that as a blanket statement. You have been told that you are supposed to put other people first. Which means that this is going to feel difficult at first. I really do like to gently be realistic about what this process feels like. I know that it's my job as a marketer here on the podcast to be like, here's the problem, here's the solution. It's my thing. You're gonna feel amazing, paint you a beautiful picture, and then have you open up your wallet and pay me money so that I can help you. And I really want you to know that A, I don't love marketing like that, and B, the old cliche of anything worth having is, you know, worth working for [00:21:00] is sort of true ish. There's going to be a period of adjustment where you rearrange your brain to actually listen to yourself, and that my friend can be deeply uncomfortable if you have never done it before. When you ask yourself what you want and what your priorities are, it's gonna feel awkward and weird, and you will very likely, if you are anything like me, go ask 12 other people for their opinions about what you might want and what your priorities could be or should be before you even have access to your own thoughts and feelings. My love, this work will not come naturally to you, and it's so worth it. Being inside of yourself, giving yourself the gift of agency and [00:22:00] responsibility. Understanding yourself, paying attention to your energy, really thinking about your energy as a renewable resource by you as a person who can see where you are giving energy, and you can see where you are receiving energy and decide for yourself what you want that to look like. My love. This is the path to not just getting your goal, because around here, I don't just talk... I mean, even though it is literally the name of my business, I don't just talk about getting your goal. This is the path to having your goal. This is, I'm gonna give you a weight loss example. This is that transition between white knuckling and restricting yourself and being on a diet to lose the weight, to actually maintaining the weight. I promise you that you will not maintain your weight in a way [00:23:00] that feels good until you understand for yourself this idea of energy exchange, this idea of prioritizing energy in energy out and where your energy renews. And I mean really specifically with weight loss, the, the supportive things that go along with that. I'm thinking really specifically if we're talking about energy and an energy out, of course, we're talking about eating and exercising. Even though exercising has nothing to do with weight loss, exercise is actually a supportive activity that helps your metabolism. Also, what helps your metabolism is sleeping well and drinking water, and not the least of which is paying attention to your brain, just like we were talking about. Where most of us are leaking energy, where most of us feel like we are having energy taken from us is where we are feeling bad [00:24:00] about what we are doing, where we are feeling obligated, where we are feeling like we have to. My love, you can at any point in time reprogram your brain away from have to, and into want to in a way that actually feels like you want to do the things to get your goals. I'm gonna leave it there. Thank you so much for listening. I'll talk to you again soon. No matter where you are on your goal getting journey, i'm here to help. Get started by watching the free Daily 3 masterclass to learn the simple journaling framework that rewires your brain for success. Move forward with confidence at your pace with one of my goal specific guided journaling experiences. And when you're ready for immersive exploration with fellow travelers just like you, you belong in the Get Your Goal Membership. Find it [00:25:00] all and join the adventure at getyourgoal.com.