Welcome to the Get Your Goal podcast, the place where ambitious, deep thinking women chart their own course, exploring the mindset, emotions, and daily practices that help you get your goal your way by being unapologetically you. I'm your host Pahla B, master certified life and goal coach and creator of the
Daily 3 journaling framework. On this podcast, you'll learn to navigate your unique path to success by using the most powerful tool in your kit, your own internal compass. Ready for the adventure? Let's go. Hello, friend. Today we're talking about what to do when you are disappointed, and that is a very broad topic.
So I wanna tell you that I'm gonna be narrowing it down, that of course we're gonna be talking about disappointment within the context of goal getting, because that is what we talk about around here on the Get Your Goal Podcast. And also, really specifically, we are talking about the kind of disappointment that you might feel when [00:01:00] you are using the Daily 3, which is my proprietary journaling framework that I offer you as very specific goal
getting journaling. The Daily 3 is absolutely free to learn all about. There is a link in the show notes or description box, wherever you're watching or listening to go watch the masterclass and really learn and take the deep dive as to exactly what kind of journaling helps you get your goal. But what I wanna offer you here today is that one of the questions that I get asked really, really frequently by people who are, well, I'm gonna say first start using the Daily 3, but honestly, this could be a question that comes up at any point in time when, during future self journaling, you have asked yourself to do something, and then over the course of the day, the week, the month, the year, whatever it was that you asked yourself to do, you don't
do it. And when you don't do this thing that you ask yourself to do, I mean of course you feel disappointed, right? [00:02:00] So that is what we are taking a look at today. That specific kind of disappointment that happens, that comes upon you, the feeling you get when you have asked yourself to do something and then you don't do it.
And this is particularly appropriate for me today because literally Yesterday morning in my Daily 3, I asked myself to record a podcast. Did you get a podcast yesterday? No, you did not. You're getting one today. And you know why? Something happened and I'm trying to decide if I'm gonna tell you the, the ins and the outs of it.
I think that, I think that for lots of us, we would go so, so down the road of, well, life happened and I just found myself doing these other things. I had asked myself to record a podcast and I am gonna tell you the story. I had a coaching session with my coach yesterday, and yesterday morning before the coaching session, I had told myself, oh, you know, I have this relatively easy thing on my mind.
It's all gonna be good. I'm, you know, [00:03:00] afterwards I'll have the whole rest of the day. My, my schedule was wide open yesterday. I'm like, I'm, I'm gonna record a podcast, it's gonna be totally fine. And then I had this coaching session with my coach and ended up feeling a really big emotion, like really processed through something that I had not felt through before.
And this is a big part of the work that we do around here, like allowing a feeling to come up and, and really letting yourself be in the feeling and letting it dissipate naturally. That is the way, that is the mechanism by which we release mindset blocks and move forward with mindset super highways. So.
I had this, this really big emotion comes up, come up yesterday morning and one of the things that happens that I think a lot of people are not prepared for, don't mind me, we're just gonna have a little podcast within a podcast, 'cause I love explaining this stuff. I did not know anything about any of this
when I first started doing mindset work and somatic work, like [00:04:00] understanding my thoughts and feelings. I really didn't understand the biology of it. So I would love to have this opportunity to share this with you. What happens when you feel a really big feeling, it is a, a release of, I'm gonna call it an excess amount of hormones.
Now that is not strictly speaking. Uh, well first of all, it's not even like a number, so therefore it is just a descriptor. But you, you've had like a big feeling before. You know when you get that like rush of adrenaline when something kind of scary happens and then afterwards, well first of all, afterwards you laugh hysterically and then you start crying and then you just have to like sit down for a little while.
That is actually what happens when you a allow a feeling to come up and dissipate naturally. Kind of like when you get scared, like when, when something scary, like you know, somebody steps in front of your car or there's a bear on the trail where you're running or something like that. Like you've got almost no ability to squash [00:05:00] down that feeling.
It comes up so naturally and then it courses through your veins as hormones, course, course through your veins, and then it dissipates and that is actually the same thing that happens when you feel a feeling on purpose. The hormones are rushing through your body, and then they dissipate naturally. What your body does to dissipate that big feeling is it actually sends out a whole load of other hormones to like bring those feelings back down.
And sometimes what happens, in fact very frequently when you have a big feeling, your body has such a reaction to that big feeling, sends out hormones to dampen those feelings that it ends up taking you down lower than you were before, before you can come back up to homeostasis. So I spent a good part of yesterday in what I call, I lovingly refer to as the state of having a smooth brain, which is that feeling that you can [00:06:00] get sometimes after having a really big emotion where you've kind of got a little bit of brain fog, like your brain is really, your brain and your body are really processing the thoughts and the feelings that you have just allowed to come up.
I spent a good portion of yesterday on my phone and reading a magazine and not really doing anything that I had asked myself to do in the morning because I was not anticipating feeling such a big feeling and then spending so many hours in that, that smooth brain state. So you might be thinking to yourself, oh my gosh, Pahla,
then this morning when you were doing your Daily 3 and you were doing your success journaling, you didn't get a chance to tell yourself that you had done what you had asked. You probably felt very disappointed, right? And I will tell you, I actually did not feel disappointed at all, and that's what we're talking about today.
It's really interesting to me specifically because [00:07:00] I had a great topic on my mind for yesterday's podcast, and it is long gone now. Like that Smooth Brain took everything with it. I literally do not even remember what podcast I was gonna record for you yesterday. But this one actually feels really important and top of mind right now.
So thank goodness we're here, right? And, and actually really quick note to the side, because this is something that I think a lot of us do. Unintentionally and sort of intentionally is though that we try to find the silver lining and that's not what I'm doing here today. I, I said all of that for comedic effect, like I'm not just not disappointed because it all worked out.
I am specifically not disappointed because I did the thing that I'm gonna tell you today, the piece of advice that I have for you today. And that is somewhere around, I literally couldn't even tell you what time it was, I made another decision. I decided, [00:08:00] when I noticed that I had a smooth brain. When I saw myself reading a magazine and playing on my phone, I looked around at my circumstances, I looked at my brain,
I asked myself, would I like to record a podcast right now? Would I like to spend that creative energy coming up with a topic that I can't remember? Would I like to spend that creative energy working towards this thing that I asked myself to do? And the answer was definitely no I would not. That that right now my brain does not feel like it would produce the kind of podcast that I have in mind that I want to create for my audience.
I would rather not do that right now so that I can produce what I truly want at a different time. When I made that decision, I went back into my journal. I amended my, uh, original entry, which is not true. I actually, I never delete [00:09:00] anything from my original journals. I never cross anything... No, never cross anything out?
Can I say that? I feel like I have crossed things out. Gosh, it's been a long, long time. I feel like I used to cross things out like years ago. Back when, back when I had a very different relationship with my thoughts and my feelings, and I still had a lot of judgment about even the act of finding my thoughts and feeling my feelings.
So I used to cross things out, like in an effort to avoid them. Okay, so I'm not gonna use the word never in that sentence. I have not crossed something out or deleted something in many, many years. The relationship that I have now with my thoughts and my feelings is that they are all... they're all okay that, I mean, they're all okay in the sense of I am willing to see anything in my brain.
I am willing to feel [00:10:00] anything in my body. Not that I love them all, and I wish they would all stick around forever, and every single one of them is always taking me where I wanna go. No, that's not true at all. Sometimes I have thoughts, they're called mindset blocks, that are not taking me where I wanna go.
And sometimes I have feelings that are deeply uncomfortable that are also not taking me where I wanna go. But I am willing to hear the thoughts and I am willing to feel the feelings. More recently, I do not delete or cross things out. Yesterday I did not actually amend in the sense of deleting or changing.
What I did was I added, I, I made an addendum to my Daily 3, and I said, here's what I notice that I'm, you know, thinking and feeling and doing right now, and I'm going to ask myself to really honor where I am. The, the feeling that I felt was huge. It was very beneficial. It is 100% moving me towards my goal to have gotten that feeling up.
So [00:11:00] when I was like looking at it through that lens and asking myself, did I do something that's going to move my business forward today? The answer is an unequivocal yes, I did. Was it the specific thing that I had asked myself earlier in the morning before that experience? No, it was not. However, the thing that I ask myself to do the podcast can be done at a different time.
Since I have already done this one thing that is moving my business forward, I'm gonna go ahead and count that as a success, and I'm going to ask myself to report a record, a podcast at a later date. As it happened, that later date is today, which is fantastic, and I'm super excited to be able to talk to you about this.
Now, here's the thing, not only the, the like silver lining thing that lots of us try to do when, when something like this happens, when, you know life happens to us, something unexpected occurs during the day and we end up not being able to do the thing that we said we were going to [00:12:00] do. Lots of us do this thing where we try to find the silver lining.
Well, thank goodness it happened that way because then you know, today I'm recording this even better podcast. And while that is true, it is not exactly what I'd like to talk to you about today. The other thing that we do, I mean the other thing that we do very frequently is simply feel disappointed and then try and like say, okay, well, you know, tomorrow I'm gonna do something different.
I'm gonna be better at this. I'm gonna, you know, I'm gonna make it things better next time. Tomorrow's a new day. Or the other thing that we do in the middle of the day after you've listened to this podcast and you're like, Ooh, I could make another decision, but. That really is what I wanna address here with us right now.
This idea that lots of us have been socialized to believe that when we make our bed, we must lie in it. This is, this is, I'm gonna say an argument that I have with my husband [00:13:00] very frequently, and that is not true. It is a, it is a gentle loving bicker that I have with my husband with some frequency. We go for a walk every day, like this is just our thing.
We always go for a walk. It's one of my favorite parts of the day where we just spend a little bit of time look, you know, enjoying the nature. We have a nature trail right next to our house that we love to go see the creek and all the animals and it's just, just really lovely part of our day. And literally, no matter what the weather is, we walk when it's 115 degrees, we walk when it's pouring down rain, we walk when it's freezing cold.
And I know freezing cold is definitely relative. Y'all, I live in Sacramento, California, or near Sacramento, California. We. We do have four seasons, but our seasons are more mild than they are other places. We've got 350 days of sunshine here today, so we complain bitterly when it's raining, just so you know.
But here's the thing, almost. Okay, that's not true. I'm being [00:14:00] overdramatic. I was gonna say almost every day, and it's not true. It's probably only about once a week, but about once a week we will get out of the house and we will still be on the driveway and the weather is just a little bit different than it seemed. You know, like sometimes in the house it's like, oh, well it looks a little bit cloudy, so it's probably cool outside.
I'm gonna wear a jacket. Then you get outside and it's actually like really warm and humid. So then you regret wearing a jacket, right? Or sometimes it looked fine from inside the house and then it's freezing cold when we get outside. So. Not over dramatically, approximately once a week or so, my husband will say to me, while we are still on the driveway of our house, oh, I should have worn and then insert whatever it is.
Like whatever, whatever would be more weather appropriate. And every single time I turn to him and I'm like. We are right here. We are literally 25 steps from the front door. You are less than 30 steps [00:15:00] from, you know, our bedroom where you could change clothes. We are right here. Go change clothes. You, you will be so much happier if you are wearing weather appropriate clothing.
And then he will do this big, deep beleaguered sigh and he'll be like, no, I'm wearing this. It'll be fine. And I literally cannot even say this without laughing. Because this is a conversation we have so often that honestly, I laugh at myself like, why do I even suggest that he should change clothes? Like, why?
Why? But I will tell you, as a life coach, I have done a fair bit of thinking as a life coach who also overthinks things. I've done a fair bit of thinking about this behavior and about this thing that I really think a lot of us do, where we have this deep socialization that we have to accept the consequences of our actions and the other piece of the puzzle, and that's really what I'm talking to you about today.
The other piece of the puzzle is that [00:16:00] your brain would rather not make another decision. Your brain would actually really rather, not just because of the socialization of accepting the consequences of your actions, but your brain is actually a little bit lazy. And I say that with so much love, like really so much kindness.
Your brain is always, constantly, counting the pennies and not wanting to spend them. Once you have made a decision, making a decision requires a, a good, fair bit of energy. I mean, your brain already takes what, like 25% of your energy per day anyways, and that's just to do like all your automatic stuff. That's just breathing and your heartbeat and like making decisions that you've made a million times before, like how to drive to work or how to brush your teeth. Like when you make a new
decision. It, there's a, there's an energetic cost to that, meaning like literally calories. Your brain is burning calories to [00:17:00] make a new decision. And once you know that and you feel that, that deep sigh of martyrdom of, I'm just gonna lie in this bed that I made, you can simply interrupt yourself. My friend, the reason we feel disappointed in our actions is because we did not notice what was going on and make another decision in the moment.
At any point in time during your day, no matter if you carved your Daily 3 tasks in stone. When you asked yourself this morning if you took a hammer and a chisel and a piece of granite, and you said, today I'm recording a podcast. At any point in time during the day, when it becomes abundantly clear that the day is not going the way that you had imagined in your mind, [00:18:00] because by the way, I mean here, let's take a, a quick little step back.
While you are doing the Daily 3, there is this really important moment where when you're asking yourself to do something, it's not just an intellectual puzzle, it's actually a feelings and imagination process where you're thinking to yourself. When do I suppose I'm going to record a podcast?
Yesterday I had pictured myself. I was already in the podcast recording studio while I was coaching with my coach. I was like, I'm just gonna whip out my computer and, and record a podcast almost immediately afterwards. In my, in my early morning brain, this made a ton of sense afterwards. It didn't make as much sense. When you, at any point in time
during your day notice, Hey, this day is not unfolding the way that I thought it might. I made a guess this morning because by the way, that's what happens when we make decisions about the future. We're just making guesses. We [00:19:00] imagine things. We think it could go that way, and then life does indeed happen.
And when life does what life does, you can simply ask yourself to make a new decision. And the way that I like to frame this for myself, like really specifically the way that I like to think about almost all decisions. I am, I'm questioning myself on that one. That one's why I had a, had a question mark at the end of that.
It wasn't just 'cause I'm a Californian and everything goes up at the end. It's because I'm asking myself, do I make all decisions like this? I think I do now. Again, this is, this is a real relationship that I have built with myself over time that I am willing to revisit decisions when I have new information. And the new information can come from actual life circumstances, like when a thing happens, when you have unexpected guests show up at your house or when you know somebody ends up [00:20:00] needing you to help with something that you didn't anticipate or, you know, things go awry again, life.
Life is life-ing. Or when you yourself get involved in a task that feels really amazing and you're like, you know what, right now this is the thing I actually want to be doing, and therefore I can make a new decision. I, I ask myself to make decisions that are both firm and flexible. At any point in time when I have new information, I have permission from myself to make a new decision. And,
further to that, because I know that sometimes this happens to us all also. We do get in the middle of something and we're like, well, I'll just do this thing that is easier or more convenient right now. And then we feel disappointed about that later. So I will tell you that my [00:21:00] framework for asking myself to make a new decision is the same framework that I used when I made the first decision.
Does this serve my big goal? This is what I, what I offer you in the Daily 3 with the future self journaling. When you start with the overarching picture of your goal, the big goal, the the finish line, the published book, the successful business, the thing that you want, the goal weight, the whatever it is that you actually want, the big picture.
From that feeling of, oh, this is done, this is mine. That is when you decide on the tasks for the day. You already know the big goal it's coming, i've got that feeling in my body of having that big goal. So today, in support of that big goal, these are the things I'd like to do. These are the things that I am [00:22:00] asking myself to do.
So then, in the middle of the day when life is lifeing or you have a smooth brain or circumstances have come up, you might be tempted to make the quick, easy decision of, well, I'm just gonna stay here and keep playing on my phone, which is what it sounded like in my head, by the way, for a good part of the day, I'm just gonna,
i'm just gonna sit here and keep playing. I see myself doing this thing and at some point I'm probably gonna start feeling guilty that I'm doing this thing that I didn't ask myself to do and I'm not doing the thing that I did ask myself to do. And so then I could have, could have gone into a shame spiral or made a quick decision to just go record a podcast anyways, and then put out a podcast that wasn't truly in alignment with the kind of quality that I like to have for you here on the Get Your Goal Podcast.
Either one of those things could have happened without the Daily 3 framework. I, even with my [00:23:00] smooth brain, I took a quick moment. In fact, it was a very quick moment and I'm like, what's my big goal? Where am I going? What's the, what's the big picture here and what is the thing that is moving me forward right now?
From that big picture place, it was so clear to me and not just that whole silver lining of I'll be able to create a better podcast tomorrow about this very thing that is happening to me today, but really, truly seeing that what I was doing was very important work. The the brain body connection, the allowing of the emotion to move through me and dissipate and continue dissipating, and really letting my brain rearrange, removing a very, very, very old mindset block.
Moving into something that feels so deeply in alignment with like who I am and who I wanna be and where I'm going, and asking myself from [00:24:00] there to make a different decision. It's not just you letting yourself off the hook when life happens. It's not just you, you know, shoving down the disappointment of, well, I asked myself to do a thing and I didn't do a thing.
It's making a beautiful, beautiful decision for yourself. For your goal, for your overarching goal, and for what's right in front of you. The thing that was right in front of me was easy and obvious. I am moving my business forward like this today and with a podcast that is the quality that I like to put out for a podcast,
at a later date, there was nothing there that felt disappointing or guilty or like I was letting myself off the hook or like I had to accept, I had to lie in the bed that I had made. Everything about it [00:25:00] felt empowering. I, I really like that word and I offer it to you freely and lovingly. You can make an empowered decision to move out of disappointment and towards your goal at any point in time.
You, my friend, are a sovereign decision maker who is very good at making decisions. And I was just about to say, you're very good at making decisions, especially when you use the Daily 3. And I mean, sure. Let's go ahead and plug that. And also, and also the reason the Daily 3 can help you here is because of the mechanics
of it. When you see yourself as a person with agency over your decisions, over your future, over moving through life, when you see yourself as a person [00:26:00] who can look at the big picture and look at the small picture, when you see yourself like that. Like both literally, and I mean, well, no, I guess that's always, that's always metaphorically, you are seeing yourself in your imagination when you are doing future self journaling.
That is the kind of work that literally rewires your brain. This is why we do it, my friends. Your goal isn't coming to you with the brain that you currently have. Your brain is gonna require a little bit of rearranging in order to get you where you want to go. And knowing the mechanics of how that works and then putting it into practice, little by little, day by day decision by decision... my friend,
that's how we get there. That's how we get your goal. That was my mic drop moment and I said it correctly and I'm so happy with that. I'm gonna leave the podcast there. My friend. Thank you so, so much for being here today. [00:27:00] I'll talk to you again soon. No matter where you are on your goal getting journey,
I'm here to help. Get started by watching the free Daily 3 masterclass to learn the simple journaling framework that rewires your brain for success. Move forward with confidence at your pace with one of my goal specific guided journaling experiences. And when you're ready for immersive exploration with fellow travelers just like you, you belong in the Get Your Goal Membership.
Find it all and join the adventure at getyourgoal.com.
