Pahla B:
Welcome to the Fitness Matters Podcast, where every week we talk about the fitness matters that matter to you. I'm Pahla B, YouTuber, certified life and weight loss coach, soon-to-be author, and your best middle aged fitness friend. Are you ready to talk about the fitness mindset that matters to you? Me too. Let's go.
Pahla B:
You guys, hello, hello, hello, and good morning. It is so good to actually literally see you guys. I love it when we are live for the Pahla B Wellness Over 50 Book Club, in partnership with Chirp Audiobooks. Now you guys, just in case you haven't heard me talk about Chirp before. I feel like you have at this point if this is not your first rodeo around here, but just in case, Chirp is an audiobook retailer that offers really steep discounts on all sorts of fantastic books without any sort of monthly subscription. And this month, we've been reading ... Do I have it here on my phone? Really quickly. I do. ... Live the Best Story of Your Life by Bob Litwin, and I am so excited to talk about this book, because let me tell you the story of how I chose two co-hosts for today.
Pahla B:
I chose them and they chose me, which I love. I put out a post in the, Get Your Goal group, which is my monthly subscription group where we talk about getting our goals, and I said, "Okay, usually when I'm reading a book, I have like kind of one of you in mind because I get to know the members of the Get Your Goal group pretty well, and so I usually have like one of you in mind. But this book, this book was so easy to read that I actually had so many of you and not just those of you in the Get Your Goal group, but like those of you in the Hive, those of you that I know from YouTube. Like this just felt so universal to me that I was like, who wants to talk to me about this?"
Pahla B:
Amy and Amanda both raised her hands and were like, "Yeah. As a matter of fact, I do." So let me introduce Amanda and Amy, my good friends from the Get Your Goal group, and I'm going to ask you each individually, what you liked about this book and, really specifically, why you raised your hand to be part of the live conversation. And Amanda, I'm going to start with you. What made you raise your hand for this one?
Amanda:
I really enjoyed the book. It was a lot less dense as our preceding month's book, so I really enjoyed it. I like the format of it. The beginning was a little tough for me, which is unusual, but I always feel like I'm going to complete a book because I feel like I'm cheating on the book if I don't complete the book, and I listened to the book, but I also bought a copy of the book, so.
Pahla B:
Oh, very cool. Ooh, I'm going to ask you more about that. That's interesting. And then ... and I'm going to cut you off there because I want to talk to Amy too. This is the thing about having two co-hosts, you guys. I got to be careful to like make sure I talk to both of you and cut you both off sometimes too. So, Amy, tell me what made you decide to raise your hand for this.
Amy:
I actually had not already read the book.
Pahla B:
I know.
Amy:
I just wanted to give myself a challenge to get involved and to accomplish a goal, that was a pretty short goal. I also listened to part of the book as well as I have a copy, which I really love that I was able to highlight some things as I was going through and reading the book. So I actually just finished it last night, so I do get things done in a timeframe.
Pahla B:
I know you do. Well, and this is the thing that I was thinking about really specifically with both of you, honestly. I think of both of you as pretty avid readers, just in general, so I do have a question for both of you about is this the kind of book that you would normally read or do you tend more towards other types of books? Amy, how about you? What do you normally read?
Amy:
I am actually more of a fiction person because I like to just get lost in other worlds and go exploring through books and see New York through a book and that kind of thing. So self-help books are usually not my go-to, but this one was actually a really good one for me to read. As Amanda mentioned, it wasn't as heavy in the material and it was very helpful and I saw so much of Pahla in there, so it was a book-
Pahla B:
Right? Yeah.
Amy:
So it was perfect for me.
Pahla B:
Yeah, it was ... I felt like this book was ... it certainly was not written by me, but I felt like so much of it really, really could have been. And, yeah, that was super fun. So how about you, Amanda? Do you generally read self-help? Do you read fiction? Do you read all kinds of things? What about you?
Amanda:
I have read self-help in the past. I feel like the book club's been like homework. I feel like the books are like a college. I feel like it's stimulating my mind and I feel like working on like the whole self-care and like stimulating my mind is another thing and I liked it. You pick something out. I don't have to think about it, because I prefer to read like psychological thrillers. I love forensics. I love any kind of book that I can't guess the end of it.
Pahla B:
Yes, oh my God.
Amanda:
So it's been fun. It's been fun. And I drive around for my job so listening to the books, you miss some of that, of not being able to like ... that's why I bought a copy of the book, which I haven't really read it yet, but just to have it more as a reference, so. But I enjoyed the book and I love how the guy changes his voice when he talks about the big butt. I was like, that's so funny to me, so.
Pahla B:
Well, that's what I was just going to ask. So tell me your impression of ... because I ... This is the first one that I have only listened to. I did not get a physical copy of the book, which was really interesting, but for me, personally, it's because it's so easy to hear. Like I felt like I got everything and I do suspect that I will want a physical copy to go back and reference again, as we often say, but I loved just listening. Like it was so easy. I found myself not wanting to put it down. Like it was just ... It was very smooth, very ... For me, there was just no resistance to listening to it. It wasn't like, "I don't understand what you're saying," or "Wait, go back. I didn't get that." Like, it was very easy and smooth. Did you find that also? I see both of you nodding, but Amy, how do you feel about it? Because I know you read a little bit faster than the rest of us.
Amy:
Yeah, I actually ... So I was cleaning my basement last night so I was listening to it while I was doing that, and it was very companionable, if that's the correct word to go with it, and I really enjoyed the narrator's voice. But because it was ... each of the concepts are so quick and because he gave such great examples, I think one of my favorite examples that he made and this is one of the parts that I was listening to, is when he was talking about not playing in that main championship, that big championship. I can't remember the exact, but that tournament?
Pahla B:
The tournament, yeah,
Amy:
Yeah. Based upon his beliefs, and I thought that was really fantastic. So there was just some of that you could really relate to just because of the way that he gave those personal stories and just made it really relatable.
Pahla B:
Yeah. And then Amanda, I know you had already said that you really enjoyed how he changed his voice. That cracks me because that's what I liked about it too. And I'm curious, I mean, for everybody else who is here, like please feel free to chime into the chat with your opinions. These are really questions for everybody. This is why we love to be live is because I love to hear all of your opinions because for me personally, I tend to be much more of like a book reader. Like having a physical copy really tends to help me. I think of myself as a visual learner and I was really surprised at how accessible this information was just listening to it. And like Amy, I actually found myself like doing other things while I was listening. Like I listened when I was walking on the treadmill. I listened when I was cleaning. I listened when I was ... okay, I admit it, playing games on my phone.
Pahla B:
But for me it was so simple and accessible and that's actually interestingly what I found slightly challenging about it. I noticed myself thinking, "This is too easy. You're making it sound too simple." Like I was kind of not arguing with him, but I noticed myself thinking about that. And then upon thinking about that, I was like, "Pahla, that's your story. Hello?" My story is that things are supposed to be hard, and so listening to him talk about like change your story, here you go. I was like, "Oh my gosh." I did not expect to have any kind of a revelation like that from it. And Lori says that she didn't love the narrator, oh, because he sounded a bit slick to me. I would prefer to have the author read it. And I've noticed that because the last two months, the How Emotions are Made and this one, were both not read by the author whereas the first two months both were read by the author, which was Dr. Jen Gunter for the Menopause Manifesto.
Pahla B:
By the way, I've got [inaudible 00:08:57] I've got ... It's Sunday morning, I've got my cat in my lap. And also Brene Brown. I agree. I loved listening to the author read the book themselves. I felt like ... personally, I felt like this one, he had enough intonation and inflection I honestly almost forgot that it wasn't him. Like when he was talking about his wife's death and everything, I was like, "Oh, that's right, this isn't him." Like, to me, there was almost not even a disconnect, just like a, "I almost forgot." I felt like he had enough like spirit and emotion in his voice.
Pahla B:
And that's actually leading into my next question about what did you think about how personal his stories were. Like, did that really resonate with you? Obviously, Amy, you said that it did about not going to the tournament for his personal beliefs. Amanda, did you feel that way too, about like any parts of his personal story? Did it really help you like sink it in to you?
Amanda:
I think the way that he laid the story out, he gave so many examples in his own life and then he had so many examples of people that he had interviewed, and I really like that he called himself a change-maker. Like he wasn't a life coach, but he was a change-maker, and that was one of the words that he referenced and I thought ... and we change ourselves. Like, I mean, I've been with you for two years almost and like I don't ever say that you changed my life. I've changed my life.
Pahla B:
Yes.
Amanda:
So, like, I really like ... The examples were concrete enough and he had so many different types of people. I mean, he could have interviewed all hedge funders, but, I mean, he had just regular ordinary people wanting to make differences in their life so that, I thought was super helpful. You felt like he was your personal coach just from his interactions, because you could put yourself in the shoes of the person that he was attempting to help, and you've always said to like see your future self and seeing our future self as our new story. So I saw a lot of parallels. I mean I made a list of things that I thought were similar to our methods at the Get Your Goal group as well as just all of the life coach type stuff. They kind of hold hands.
Pahla B:
Yeah, very much so. And, I'm curious, I mean, was there anything ... You said really specifically the tennis tournament was there. Was there anything else that really, like, some kind of an example? Because I noticed, personally I noticed a couple of times during the book that I was like, "He really is already talking to people." Again, this was me arguing with the book. Like, "You're making it sound too easy." I thought to myself, "Oh, he's only talking about people who are already at like a level of achievement in their lives. Like, like did you find it to be very ... Like, did it resonate with you to have examples of like somebody who is running a hedge fund or somebody who is competing athletically when ... I don't know. I feel like sometimes when we talk about really specifically like getting a weight loss goal, like that doesn't always match up with like some of his examples of competing at like a higher level. So I was really curious if all of the examples really felt like they resonated with both of you.
Amy:
Well, for me, I feel like there were enough simple steps that it made it very user friendly for just about anybody. Like I still don't know what a hedge fund manager does. Like I still don't know what they do.
Pahla B:
Right? Something with money. Ah!
Amy:
So, yeah, because at the beginning, when I wrote down some of my notes, I was like, "I feel like this is a little bit of an infomercial. So it took until ... It did.
Pahla B:
That's really interesting.
Amy:
I was like, "Are you going to get to the meat of it?
Pahla B:
Because of the audio narration, do you think? Or, like, because of the way it was written. I'm really curious about that.
Amy:
Well, I didn't listen to it for the first part of it. It was the middle part of the book that I had actually listened to. So that first part I was just reading and I was just like, "Hey, get to it already." Like, "Tell us what's going to happen." So then when you started getting into the actual pieces, even though there's 33 pieces and not everybody-
Pahla B:
Yeah [crosstalk 00:13:05].
Amy:
Yeah. But there's just an element of it's relatable enough that you could actually take the piece that works for you. Like, I keep remembering the Kaizen. I hope I'm pronouncing that one correctly where you're taking the small steps.
Pahla B:
Yes.
Amy:
That one was really helpful for me that anybody can take a small step.
Pahla B:
Yes.
Amy:
Whether it's weight loss, or relationships, or whatever it is that they're trying to help them fix.
Pahla B:
Yeah, I love ... and Sally has told me that there was one housewife. Good. Okay. I actually had forgotten that. Like I don't know if I said it out loud. So this book went down so easy, I actually finished it quite some time ago. Like this book, I found myself not wanting to put it down and so as soon as I started it, I was done with it very quickly. Then I went back and listened into some more of it like earlier last week, but not the entire thing again. So this is already a little bit older for me. This is why I had forgotten some of the examples. Interesting. Robin says, "I agree with the infomercial comment. It was turning me off initially." So interesting. I will tell you, as somebody who is writing a book currently, that intro part does feel very tricky because you do almost want to sell somebody on here's why you should read the rest of this book. Otherwise, they're just facing 250 pages of what could feel very dense.
Pahla B:
So the first intro, you basically have to say the is why you want to read the next 200 pages, and so it does ... Even my own writing, I feel the same way. It feels very infomercially like, "But, wait, there's more. I'm going to tell you this. I'm going to tell you this," and like ... I love it. And Kelly said, "I found myself skipping the examples and registering the guide points because they were familiar." Isn't that interesting, that it felt very, very simple. Terry said that it struck me more as the examples that showed, "Oh no tragedy or dysfunction is too much to change." That's very interesting.
Pahla B:
I felt like his own ... and I'll go ahead and call it a tragedy of losing his wife. Again, this is where I almost not argued with the book, but kind of thought, "Gosh, I'm making this sound so easy. You're making this sound so simple. Okay. Your wife died and then you got married again and your life is all good?" Like it did kind of sound like it was fast, it was easy, and I personally, because I am that kind of girl, I personally would have liked a little bit more of the tragedy. Like, I like digging into tragedy. I really do.
Pahla B:
Then Tanya said that given what my husband went through during the pandemic with his job, I would say that the book was right on in saying that no matter how successful in your job, things change and you need to tell the new story and live your new story. Exactly. I love it. I love it.
Pahla B:
So I'm very curious if anybody else identified a specific story that you've been telling yourself, like, I mean the one that I found about how it can't be easy, how it has to be hard in order to get success. Did you like just take in what he was saying or did you find a way that it really specifically applied to your life about either a story that you've been telling yourself or a story that you would like to tell yourself? Either one of you or anybody in the chat?
Amy:
I will. So the last couple of days I've been trying to think about like, "Who am I? What's my core?" and digging-
Pahla B:
This was good timing for you, huh?
Amy:
Yeah. If there was good timing for me, because it helped me think about it in terms of that new story of if I were to write a new story, if I were to meet a new person, how would my story play out? Is it going to be based upon those older stories? So that was really helpful for me that you didn't have to sit there, like there was the one chapter. It was ... shoot ... something about the past. Disintegrate the past, or was that ... I can't remember what word [crosstalk 00:17:15].
Pahla B:
I don't remember exactly. Yeah, again, I don't remember the exact ... I think we all ... I mean, anybody who've read it like understands what you're saying. Go ahead.
Amy:
Yeah. Yeah. So, but that was like really helpful for me because I tend to do that of digging up my past and trying to ... that that's how I like to predict my future is basically on that.
Pahla B:
We all do. That's what we do. Absolutely.
Amy:
Yeah. So that was really helpful for me to just start having, like developing what my new story would look like in what I've already been thinking about. So that was really helpful for me.
Pahla B:
Yeah. Yeah. And how about you, Amanda, incinerating the past. Thank you, Sally.
Amy:
Thank you.
Amanda:
There were so many points that I liked. The first one was blind faith and I didn't even know blind faith was a word or a concept. I felt like, for myself, when I joined the Get Your Goal group, in following the steps, it was a leap of faith and I never questioned it, and you've commented on how could I be so like confident in your process without having any questions. So I really didn't ... I don't question, and maybe it's a shortcoming or I see it as a asset because I don't ... I have the knowledge to take someone else's information and think, "Hmm, you're smarter than me about this. Let's try it this way." So I felt good about that, that was the number one. That was his first one was blind faith. I was like, "Hey, I already do that one."
Amanda:
I also really liked the ones that I feel like that I'm already internalized into my current life that I have. So I really liked the small steps. I liked having the compassion and love. That was a big thing that he said. It was more towards the end of the book, like if more people practice, compassion and love, there'd be a lot less got you people around. If everyone's walking around their family just died from something horrible, your tolerance level for people is going to be so different. So I like that I've been practicing love and compassion. Like, there's so many of the steps that I'm like, "Oh, yay. I'm so happy that those are things." And there's ones, of course, that I'm going to work on practice them too because I want to live my best life.
Pahla B:
Yeah. I'm curious really specifically, and then Amy I'll get to you, but like really specifically, when you were looking at the steps, which one did you think, "Oh, this is something I'm not doing," because I mean, knowing you as I do, I wouldn't have said that there was anything that you needed to work on. So that's super interesting that you would say that. Was there like a specific step that you're like, "Okay, this is what I'm going to attack next"?
Amanda:
I'm going to change my ring tone.
Pahla B:
Oh, okay, so it really was something very practical. Like a doing step. Oh, I love it.
Amanda:
I just like that it reinforces like I'm doing the right thing. Like I really feel like that the books that we've listened to so far, like I'm not doing everything, I'm on the right path. Like, I'm moving forward and that's something my sister always talks about. Like, the things that we do to move us forward, like this week I took the entire week off, which you don't take the entire week off if you're trying to have this great lofty sales goal. Yes, you do. Yes, you do.
Pahla B:
Absolutely.
Amanda:
And I didn't beat myself up. So, I mean, I felt like I had a lot of just love and compassion for myself as well as for my family. So I just feel like I'm in a really good place and it's great to feel that way, and I'm waiting for the shoe to drop and I'm not focusing on that at this moment.
Pahla B:
Oh, interesting. We'll get to that in a minute. Amy, what was it you wanted to chime in?
Amy:
Oh, I just wanted to add that I did appreciate the chapter that was talking about the mission statement. So he was giving the example of Billie Jean King of despite all of her wins, that just what she really like put forth in the world of women being the equality of women and being paid equal. And that just made me think a little bit more about my mission as like a teacher as to what really am I trying to accomplish in my overall ... as I walk away from that profession when I'm ready to retire. So that just was it resonated with me as well.
Pahla B:
Yeah. Yeah. That's amazing. I love that you got that out of it. That's really cool. Geraldine says that I like that the new story wasn't too specific, like getting a particular promotion or salary, but more about how you would be as a person. I will tell you that this is something that I haven't actually talked about a lot as part of my philosophy on the Fitness Matters Podcast or anything like that. But it is so important to recognize that the specific of what you want can change. I mean, truly, you can want anything and you can get anything. The thing that really changes is you and how you see yourself, and I love that he was so clear about that.
Pahla B:
Actually, that was one of the things that I took away from the book. I was like, "Ooh, remember to talk about this," because I totally agreed with it. It totally resonated with me and I was like, "Oh, this is something that we could absolutely talk about on the Fitness Matters Podcast too, about how the story of who you are as a person who has gotten your weight loss goal or gotten your sales goal or your salary goal or anything like that, it is about who you become as a human being, not just about the money or the number on the scale or the whatever specific thing." And thank you for pointing that out Geraldine. That was really cool.
Pahla B:
So I'm really curious because I found myself at the beginning of every chapter, I'd be listening away, playing on my phone or whatever I was doing. The quotes at the beginning, I'd be like, "Wait, what are you saying?" and then I'd realize it was a quote and then he would say who it was by, and I was like, "Oh, oh, gotcha." So I'm curious how, like when you're reading and you can see visually that this is a quote and just your brain takes in the information that there's a name by it and things like that. It was so different only listening to it. And I'm very curious about how you guys liked the quotes. Sally said that she loved the quotes more than the book. I love it, what a great comment. How did you guys feel and everybody else in the chat? How did you guys feel about the quote that started off each chapter?
Amy:
I liked the quotes, but because I had read the book to start with, and I knew that was coming as I listened to it as the audio, so I was prepared for it.
Pahla B:
Yeah.
Amy:
But I liked the quotes because it actually helped me myself up for what I was expecting to then learn from that particular chapter. It helped give a little bit of clarity for some of them, and some of them were so fast, then the quote was a little bit more meaty, almost in what the concept was. So, to me, that was a really great way to start it.
Pahla B:
Yeah, I agree. As a writing tool, I thought that it was very interesting, very intriguing. It definitely, for me, it helped reengage my brain. Like I said, like I was listening and I was just passively listening and then it was like, it caught my attention every time. Like, "Wait, what are you saying? Oh." So I started paying a little bit more attention. How about you, Amanda? Did you like the quotes in the book?
Amanda:
I did. I did like the quotes. I was unaware of who the person really was. Like, I'm going to go back maybe and say, "Well, who was this famous person that they quoted?" because some of the people, like I'm never heard of them before.
Pahla B:
Yes. Yeah, me too.
Amanda:
I like Brene Brown. She did quotes in her book too. Like she had people this, and maybe it's a technique they use commonly in writing things. So, yeah, I liked the quotes.
Pahla B:
I think that might actually be a very common non-fiction thing. I can't think of a specific book off the top of my head, but I feel like it's definitely a thing that writers do. I mean, I'm agreeing with what everybody is saying here. Tanya says my husband often has his favorite quotes when speaking to people so I was used to it, and Margaret says, I liked the quotes. Also, they really focused what followed for me. Linda says I liked the quotes, but I have a problem when they are not correctly attributed. Okay, I wasn't going to bring it up because I didn't look it up who the person was, but I noticed that too. There was one quote that I'm like, "I don't think that's who that's from," and so, Linda, thank you very much for actually knowing what this is. The very first quote was attributed to Nelson Mandela, but he was quoting the poem, Invictus. Thank you so much for knowing that.
Pahla B:
I can't come up with it off the top of my head, like what the quote even was, but I vividly remember hearing it and being like, "I don't think that's what that is from," so that's very interesting. And authors beware using Google Quote. Well, okay. You guys have seen the famous meme about believe everything that you read on the internet, said Abraham Lincoln or something like that. Like, I mean, it's true. You got to be really, really careful when you're just like pulling quotes out of things.
Pahla B:
So I am curious about some of like the really specific things that kind of resonated with you in the book. I will be honest, the thing that resonated most with me was listening to his story about his wife's death. I mean, I very much equated that with like me going through my sister's death and, really, the thing that was super funny is that when he was talking about like signs about like blind faith and things like that, he was talking about the hummingbird. It was really interesting because one of my sister's very, very good friends also lost her sister and so right before my sister died, she and I were talking and I was like, "What do you do without your sister?" and she's like, "I don't know."
Pahla B:
She had already lost her sister for like several years and she's like, "I really don't know. So far I'm still figuring it out," but she was talking about how like ... Her sister was not necessarily like into nature or anything like that, but like right before her sister died, she had said something about like, "Whenever you see a hummingbird, think of me," and my sister's rhyme was like, "Okay, whatever." Like kind of thought it was weird. It was like a little bit of an off thing. So when they were like at the funeral home picking out like caskets or whatever it was, she said that there was this one that had a hummingbird on it and she was just like, "Oh, gosh," and so now every time I see a hummingbird, I totally think about my sister's friend at losing her sister.
Pahla B:
So in the book when they were talking about hummingbirds, I was just like, "This is the thing. This is the thing that people do." So I was really curious if anything about like signs or things like that, which wasn't necessarily like the point of the book, but I am curious if there was something maybe small like that, that really stuck out to you in the book that you were just like, "Oh, that is a little bit more universal than maybe I had ever thought for myself."
Pahla B:
Oh, Trisha said ... this is not entirely related to my question, but Trisha said, "I'm not sure if I would've known how to use or implement the information in the book if it were not for the work that I've done with Pahla." That's super interesting. I'm going to get to that next. But I want to ask you guys about if there was something like either with signs or with something else, kind of small from the book really just resonated with you in a specific way.
Amy:
I forgot about the hummingbird example.
Pahla B:
That's totally okay.
Amy:
Apparently I didn't pick up on anything like that.
Pahla B:
Funny. Well, so this actually ... Okay, so this thing that Trisha said actually really did bring up something that I wanted to talk about because this was what I noticed. Again, I noticed this through the lens of me thinking to myself, "Wow, you're making this sound so easy. Wow, you make this sound so simple." There were times when I heard that, like being kind of critical of him and the writing, and then there were times where I kind of stepped back and I was like, again, noticing myself, like "What if it is just simple? What if it is just easy?"
Pahla B:
What I was thinking about with the way that he describes mindset work is that because he talks about a story, it's much more I think macro than the way that I talk about it, which is very micro, find one thought. Find the feeling that comes with that one thought. I think that the thing that I really liked about his approach is that because it was a little bit more broad strokes, it was a little bit easier to take in as opposed to ... Like, okay, you go to the beach and you see all this sand and he's telling you, "Hey, pile it up and make a sand castle," and I'm telling you, "Look at one grain at a time."
Pahla B:
I think that's why his method did feel simple, but in a good way. That's not a criticism, but like simple to digest, simple to understand, simple to work with about looking at things as more of a whole. So though ... I mean really specifically with Amanda and Amy, did you notice it that way about how the work really does go along with what we do, but that it is a little bit bigger, a little bit broader. Did you think about that while you were reading it?
Amy:
I guess so. Yeah, go ahead.
Amanda:
I thought it paralleled a lot to what we already are working on or how we're changing ourselves. So for me, like the exercise daily, that's something you've been telling us, like visualizing future self, celebrating your small wins. Like I wrote down a bunch like recognizing like weekly wins, practicing gratitude daily that we got reinforced in the last two books in addition to this one. They were building blocks to me that they seem like our castle that we're making, it's got the same foundation, it's just different perspectives on how people interpret it. He had so many examples of people that did change their life by using his methods and like when his wife passed away, because he'd already been working on all of these things, it didn't make it easier, but he felt like that's what he had been training for. Like that was the pinnacle of his existence going through such a terrible loss and then having all of that, just ... He started to live the life that he was telling people, "These are the things that are going to help you, or you're going to benefit from doing X, Y, Z."
Amanda:
So I think that, that just made it more calm, concrete, I guess, because he was actually ... he was doing exactly what he said. It'd be like, if you were telling us to do the 5-O method and you're doing the not 5-O method. Like, you're not-
Pahla B:
The method.
Amy:
Yeah, yeah. You're just like just leading by example, and I felt like in the book that he did so much leading by example based on the stuff that he shared with us. And I think he may have written another book. I was going to investigate that.
Pahla B:
Oh, yeah, I don't know that. But I agree that, that was something that I really appreciated about the book. I felt very much inspired by his personal story in terms of ... oh, in terms of his athleticism, which is part of the reason why I chose the book, honestly, and his personal story with the loss of his wife. It's like, "Okay, he has been through some things. This did really resonate with me in a way that he is showing by example." Not just saying, "You do this," but like, "Here's what I did." Yeah, that's interesting.
Pahla B:
How did you feel, Amy, that whether or not it meshed with what we talked about and did it feel like it put another tool in your tool belt to be able to think about something as like a story as opposed to just a thought? Or, what did you make of that?
Amy:
I feel like it actually just strengthened what you had already have ... what I've already learned from you. There was ... I was making notes in my book when I was doing the reading part in the actual book, and I was like, "Oh, you mean like recognizing a thought."
Pahla B:
Right?
Amy:
Yeah. But when he was talking about the old story, that's for me, like, "Oh, you mean a thought?" So for me, I just really appreciate that when these kinds of things overlap, I really love it when truth is truth. So it doesn't matter how you're approaching it, it's just that reinforcement of, "Yeah, this is good stuff," and this is something that is helpful, whether you are getting very specific to one thought versus having it be more of a story. But he talked about the mini stories, because at first I was a little bit discouraged thinking, "Oh, so we have to have these grandiose new story to be able to like be successful." So, finally, when I started reading about the mini stories, I was like, "Oh, okay." Because then it did seem like that new story could be as simple as that single thought, right?
Pahla B:
Yes.
Amy:
So that to me was just helpful to have. It all weaved together and just reinforced what I've already come to love about your philosophy.
Pahla B:
Yeah. I think that's such a good point because I noticed that several times in the book ... again, when I was arguing with it without really arguing, when I was arguing with myself about how this is too easy ... where he did reinforce so many times, like, "Yes, here's your big story, and also here's your small step. Here's your small story." Like I did feel that his work was ... it was practical in the sense of it did tell you how to break down a big goal. It did tell you how to break down your big butts at the end of every chapter. Like I did feel like there was plenty to move forward with there, which is actually really interesting. I'm going to get to a comment over here that I think it was Lori and I don't know if I ...
Pahla B:
Okay, now I lost a lot of comments because I was not paying attention to it. So let me actually just come back to a couple of them. Margaret says, I believe that his comments about how free you are and did not take into account on how obstacles, like specific ones, financial-, health-related barriers and family, et cetera, could be dealt with. Make me think that he was too slick. Oh, that's so interesting.
Pahla B:
Mina said that this book and others like it may not offer groundbreaking information. And I will just, again, from my own experience of writing a book, I will tell you, you can't offer anything to groundbreaking because the trying to condense like every single thing you know into something readable means that it's going to be a little bit more surface level. I'm finding that in my own writing. It's a tiny bit more surface level than I would like it to be. But I know that in order to dig even deeper, that work really comes with working with someone one-on-one, like hearing their exact thoughts, knowing exactly what they're doing. A book really is going to be a little bit bigger and broader strokes.
Pahla B:
And Geraldine is asking, this is such a great question. Has anyone tried writing their old and new stories? I think I might try it, but I haven't managed yet. I love this. Well, and that actually is a really good question for everybody. I mean, Amy, did you ... It sounds like you took notes, but did you actually like write down anything like, "This is my old story and/or ..." I mean, I know you're working on your new story. So did you write down anything about "This is my old story." How about that?
Amy:
I haven't written down anything concrete, but I definitely started having some thoughts roll around, and I think the biggest part is just that old story of negative self-talk and feeling like that I'm not worthy or to not think that I have anything to offer. Those are some of the things that just ... I like the examples of the old stories so that I could like see myself in some of those things. I also appreciated the big butt at the end of each section because-
Pahla B:
I love that.
Amy:
For me, it was kind of like, "Yeah, that's what I was thinking." So that actually helped me identify some of my old story. So I am going to challenge myself to write down the old story and formulate a new one, for sure. I think that it's a good exercise, and then from there, I can look more specific at some of the thoughts and the feelings that go with that. I love it.
Pahla B:
How about you, Amanda? Did you write down an old story or new story?
Amanda:
I haven't. I have not written it down yet, but since I got the actual copy of the book, it was going to be easier to ... I'm going to probably do the contract, like because you can make a contract with yourself. So I thought that would be a good example of putting it on paper, and I'm going to focus more on living my best story and not so much on my old story. I liked it when he said fake it till you make it. So like the characteristics that you want to have, if you don't feel confident that you're there yet, that you can still put forth that effort, and thinking about what do I want my new story to be or my next story. So that was ... because I like-
Pahla B:
So, Amanda, you know I'm going to argue with you on this one, right? Fake it till you make it is doing something to try and think it's something. That was the one part-
Amanda:
Oh.
Pahla B:
That was the one part of the book that I did argue with. I was like, "Yu don't do something to change your thoughts."
Amanda:
I think ... right. But I actually thought that. I was like, "Pahla [crosstalk 00:38:18].
Pahla B:
I know you did. I know lots of you did. I love it. I bet, and you did it too.
Amanda:
I just thought, for me, I just kind of thought, "Well, that's something like if you want to have more patience, you can practice being ... like talking to yourself in a different way I guess is the way I would interpret it.
Pahla B:
Yes. Well, and so that's the thing she said, behave, and you heard it the way I often say it is think something so you can feel something, so you can behave a certain way, and then you'll reinforce yourself. Like you totally heard it through my lens, but that's not what he actually said. So funny, I love it. I love it so much. But, Geraldine ... Let's come back to this really quickly because it's interesting that not one of us, because I didn't do it either and I have 18 new comments to read, but the thing about writing down your old story is it does kind of feel like there's a barrier.
Pahla B:
Here, I'm going to slip into coach mode here. The thing about like reading a book like this and being like, "Oh this is so interesting. This is so fascinating," and you're thinking it in your head and then you're like, "Put it away and then walk away from it. The thing about committing it to paper is that you are writing down your thoughts about yourself. It feels very vulnerable. It feels very open ... Not open. It feels very like I'd like to censor myself. The thing about writing down your old story is that those are thoughts that are going to create feelings in your body that feel lousy. That's why it's your old story. It's why it's lousy and it's why you want to not have that old story and aim for a new story.
Pahla B:
The writing down the old story, it's just journaling. And what you can do is ask yourself a question: what is my old story about weight loss? What is my old story about my business? What is my old story about how much money I earn? What is my old story about my relationships? Like when you ask yourself that question, and I think that may be even framing it as old story could be helpful. I actually liked that a lot about his method was that using that phrase categorizes it in your mind as something that isn't attached to you right now. My old story sounds like it's in the past already. Like even in using that phrase ... you guys know language is important. Even using that phrase can help you distance yourself from it and recognize I'm looking towards my new story and that's in my rearview mirror. I love that. Thank you for bringing that up, Geraldine. That was a really good question.
Pahla B:
Let me actually get to a couple more comments here because I feel like I have missed quite a few of them. Amy says that when you talked about focus, I tied that to our conversations around consistency. Yeah. Focus creates consistency for me. I love it. Oh, the gratitude section reminded me of Amy. Oh, that's so nice. I agree. I was thinking that too, when he was talking about writing your grats every day.
Pahla B:
Here's the thing that I actually found really interesting is that his book was prescriptive in that he told you a couple of different things to do, but he wove it through stories as opposed to like, step one, do this; step two, do this. So you almost had to find the steps in the examples he was giving. Like, I mean, he mentioned several times, write your gratitude, but did he ever actually say like sit down every morning and write a grat ... I mean, again, he kind of did, but in the examples. I thought that was really interesting because I did pull that one out too and thought the same thing.
Pahla B:
And Wendy says that I felt it helped me move forward and it gave me more tools to do that with. I love it. I love it. And Tanya, thank you for looking this up. It says, it looks like Bob Litwin was a co-author with another person and not sure what the books are about. Okay, that's super interesting and worth looking up. I think this is something that I'm noticing in the book club in general, when I read one book by somebody that really does resonate with me in one way or another, I really want to go read something else that they've written and see if there's more depth to it. Like if there's more to what they are saying, again, to dig up up more of it. Linda says many stories are things that you can actually accomplish. I love it.
Pahla B:
Sally says, I think the thought write a story brought on writer's block for me. Isn't that interesting? I agree. Sometimes it always comes down to language. When you hear something specific, you have a thought like, "I can't write a story." I suspect that might have been what that was. I love it.
Pahla B:
Lori says, I think my old story is in all those pages of journaling I do interspersed with my new story and the helpful thoughts. Yes, exactly. Old story is unhelpful thoughts. Story is helpful thoughts. I love it. Tanya says it is tough to go back to the old story as I'm in the middle of my new story. I'm not sure if it would be useful. Oh, so interesting. I'm curious about that one. I don't feel like, and you guys can correct me because, again, I don't think I memorized everything he was saying. Did you feel like he gave like a compelling reason why you would want to understand your old story before moving on to your new story? Do you remember anything about that Amy or Amanda?
Amy:
I feel like it was just more of this is what you're trying to leave behind, so unless I missed something as well, I'm not sure that there was a lot of information about pulling it apart or really dissecting that at all. I think it was just more of understanding what you are trying to improve upon.
Pahla B:
I do think that that's interesting because I feel like he mentioned numerous times about writing down your old story, but I can't come up with anything really specific about why he said that would be important. I will tell you, I mean, from my own thinking, the reason it's important is because so many of those thoughts are just automatic. Even if you have found yourself really moving towards a new story and finding helpful thoughts to move you forward, there will be something old rattling around. For example, that thought that this has to be hard. I have heard that before and thought that I had dealt with that and moved through it, and yet here it was really obvious to me while I was reading this book.
Pahla B:
So for me, personally, that's why you would write down an old story. Because, again, for me, writing things down really allows things to kind of come out of your pen that maybe you're not hearing consciously. When you ask yourself a question and you're writing something down, I frequently write something down that I didn't expect to write down. Like very frequently. So when I do that, I notice, "Oh, here's a thought I didn't realize I was still having. Here's a thought. Here's a part of my story that I didn't know was still in there."
Pahla B:
Tommy said that it seemed like he was saying to write your story in the moment, oh, which would lead to what you want your new story to be. When I start to rehash the old story, my brain gave me that this is old and is not who you are now. I love that. What a helpful thought. This is old news and not who you are now. Tanya, I love that one. Oh my God. Bottle that up. Like, for real. That's a really good thought. I love it, especially if it actually makes you feel good. Julie says that writing my old story helped me appreciate how far I've come, oh, while carrying those thoughts with me and a little emotional thinking how far I can go with choosing thoughts going forward.
Pahla B:
You guys, that's a good one. I had not consciously thought of that even though that is something that I do when I'm thinking about an old story. I'm so grateful for old Pahla, I mean even though old Pahla is, technically speaking, in front of me. But former Pahla, I'm grateful for the choices that she made. I'm grateful for the things that she went through and muddled through before knowing things. I mean that ... And that's actually a kind of an important point. I mean, either Amanda or Amy, have you guys thought about how writing your old story might help you be grateful for where you've been and see how much progress you've made?
Amy:
I know, for me, that's a big, like it's really helpful because it's that pat on my back of being able to recognize where I am going and where I still have ... what I've already accomplished. I did want to just make a comment about the new story when Sally said she had writer's block and somebody else had talked about the new story. For me, I didn't feel like the new story had to be concrete. I felt like the new story meant that I kept imagining like scribbling it out and that you can keep editing and rewriting the new story as often as you wanted to. Because I feel like there were a couple of times when he was talking to some clients that they're like, it didn't quite work out. So it was like, "Hey, well, let's try something different," and maybe I misunderstood that, but-
Pahla B:
No, I totally agree.
Amy:
... That's what I ... That's what I took away is that we get to keep changing the new story, so it doesn't have to be this final thing that we have concrete. And you do that with us, with our goals, is that we can tweak that goal and have something that's achievable, and then change the goal as needed kind of thing. So, for me, just being able to reflect upon the old story, I don't want to get stuck there for sure, and I do like the wording of old story being something that it's old, it's in the past, it's forgotten, but I do liked the self pat on the back. It's very helpful.
Pahla B:
Yeah, for sure. I love that. And I love the idea of thinking about the new story being written in pencil or pen that you could scribble out. Like just whatever, like it's not carved in stone. That, to me, was just like what a brilliant way of thinking about it. I love that, that was your visual right from the get-go. That's so cool. I love it. How about you, Amanda?
Amanda:
I think it'll be helpful to go back and investigate that, and I think one of the biggest takeaways from me for the book was living intentionally. Like we get to pick, like I can be passionate and compass- ... or practice compassion and love and understanding. Like, as a parent, I would like to be more calm. I think we're going to do an inventory of our self for the future story or our new story where we intentionally get to pick how we want to show up and be there as our example of who we are as a person.
Amanda:
So I thought that was ... and I like that we could it to pick, and like you said in one of the workouts, we're the directors. We're the directors of our lives and internalizing that I can direct people, I can't control them. So I mean, I just ... I really like this living intentionally and I just want to be the best person. Like, my goal, I just want to show up. I want to be the person people look forward to seeing and not like, "Oh my, here she is." And we get to pick that, and I think our energy that we have, when you have such a good sense of self where you just feel like everything is going ... it's rainbows and unicorns, people, we're contagious. Like one of the things I think he said in the book was like, even if he just ... it was one of the examples, like the guy saying somebody's name. He was probably a hedge fund guy because everybody was a hedge fund guy.
Pahla B:
yeah.
Amanda:
But he was just like ... And so like, that's easy. I can totally do that every time when I go to check out at the grocery store, "Oh, hey, Faye, how's your day?" Because people love to hear their name, and we forget about that. So that's a tiny little thing and I love the application of what can I start practicing. Like I just want to ... I want to jump right in, so.
Pahla B:
Yeah, I love it. I love it. Trisha says it's easier for me to think about my old story as something small, like I never have enough time, a small nugget of my life, that I want to change. I've been working on my new story one thought at a time. I do like the term old story to show it's in the past. And I like Trisha that you took a couple of the things that he was talking about. That you can write a mini story at a time so that it doesn't have to be the story because I think that might be where some of the like writer's block comes from, too.
Pahla B:
And even, I mean, Amy, you've been talking a little bit about how you're asking yourself, "Who do I want to be?" Sometimes that feels like a really big question, right? Like maybe who do I want to be at work and who do I want to be at home? Not that they're different, but just like thinking about it in smaller areas might be slightly easier than, "Who do I want to be?" Like, what is the story that I'm trying to write here because that can be really overwhelming, right?
Amy:
Can I share just a tiny, tiny example-
Pahla B:
Sure. Yeah.
Amy:
... of my, who do I want to be a new story?
Pahla B:
Yes.
Amy:
I actually had a different dress on ... this is actually a dress, and I decided, "No, I want to be able to be a little bit more fun and playful representation," so I changed to this fun.
Pahla B:
I love it because, of course, you're a fun person. Oh my gosh, and I love that you actually ... Okay, so tying this in with what Amanda said about being intentional. Like you made choices to intentionally be and live into a different story, like I'm a fun person. I dress fun. I behave fun. I step outside my comfort zone. I go on lives like this is really, really cool. I love this so much. Sally says, I like that Trisha. Yes, thinking about writing the big story is how the book struck me. Interesting.
Pahla B:
I felt like ... This is definitely one of those perception things. I feel like, again, my perception was definitely the big broad strokes, and then the more we're talking about this, like with both of you, you both absolutely heard the smaller parts of it. Like take small steps. Here's your mini story. Here's calling somebody by their name. Like I heard what I intended to hear, which was, this is very broad and so, therefore, I heard everything broad and both of you were like, "What can I hear that strikes me?" and you both heard something a little bit more micro. I totally love that. I mean, this is pretty much my favorite thing about anything ever is that we can all read the same book. We can all have like the same opinion and differing opinions and get something slightly different out of it. I love it.
Pahla B:
So here, big, broad question to finish this off. So would you, personally, any of you and in the chat, would you recommend this book to a friend? I did. And Amy said, yep. How about you, Amanda?
Amanda:
I did. I shared it with probably five people.
Pahla B:
Oh, wow. Oh, I love that.
Amanda:
On SHERP, you can put share and it sends them a link.
Pahla B:
Yeah. Okay, so I love that, that is part of your story is that you want to spread the word of self-help and here's how to live a new story to other people and, therefore, you're sharing the book with them. That is so cool. That is awesome.
Pahla B:
Nina says, yes, I definitely would. Wendy said I did. Wendy is sitting right next to you. I did have my son to read it. I love it. Tanya says I already recommended it to my husband who is reading it now. Fantastic. I love it. I am really curious. I mean, I actually meant to ask this a little bit, but going into it, I was very curious how I would feel reading a book by a man and having like the man's voice talking about here's how you should live your life. I had some thoughts about that going into it and I found myself very intrigued by the story. So I'm very curious if a man would hear the book differently. So, Tanya, next month, report back on your husband.
Amy:
Although it was, for me, very interesting to see how many examples of men had these old stories that were very negative.
Pahla B:
Right.
Amy:
And so I actually appreciated to understand that, "Hey, men have these same challenges that we tend to as women." So that was actually very helpful to see that perspective.
Pahla B:
I agree. I thought it was so universal. Reading the examples, I was just like, "Everybody thinks this stuff. Everybody has self-worth issues. Everybody wonders what other people think. Everybody wonders if they're good enough." I totally agree. I thought that was really interesting. Randy said my husband died two and a half years ago ... and Randy, I'm sorry about that, that's sad ... and shortly after I joined a writing class once a week, it has been so cathartic and, yes, I have changed my stories in many ways I never imagined. Good for you. That's awesome.
Pahla B:
Mary says that I've shared this book with a co-worker who is negative a lot. He likes the concepts. Yay. Helping yourself while helping your co-worker, I love it. That's very subtle. Margaret says yes, I shared it to my work buddies. Laurie said, that's what I commented on previously that struck me wrong, the whole male thing. It's so interesting. Tanya says, I will let you know. That's awesome. And Sally said that gender didn't strike me at all. So interesting.
Pahla B:
I wasn't sure ... Again, I came to that book thinking, "Okay, here's like a high level athlete," and that was something that I really wanted to read. I love reading about athletes. I love hearing what's in their brain and understanding what drives them to be as good as they are. So that's part of why I chose that book really specifically. Honestly, even just reading the little blurb, I'm like, "Oh, I'm going to agree with everything in this book." Super funny.
Pahla B:
Okay, so speaking of that, you guys, next month, let me actually tell you a couple of different things about next month and even moving forward. So I do have another book for the month of March. We are doing something slightly different, and I'm very curious to hear your thoughts about it and I'm very curious to see how it goes. I know for me personally that the Sunday morning thing has been ... I'm going to call it a mixed bag. I really ... I like it because it felt very natural to me to be talking about books at a time when my podcast would normally come out. But also it's a Sunday morning. So next time in the month of March, we're going to be meeting on a Tuesday at 1:00 in the afternoon. We're going to do a little lunch bunch thing, 1:00 my time, meaning Pacific Time, and that will be after the time change. So that will be Pacific Daylight Time.
Pahla B:
I know that no matter what time I pick, there's going to be some conflict for somebody, so I'm hoping to find some times may be plural that work for a lot of people and we might do like a little bit of trying things out. But so the next one's going to be on Tuesday, March 22nd, at 1:00 in the afternoon. And, you guys, I'm so excited about the book we're reading. We are going to be reading Hormonal by Eleanor Morgan. Okay, so this is a combination of like memoir and scientific exploration of women's mental and physical health.
Pahla B:
Now, here's why I picked this. Because I mean, if you are not new around here, you know that mental health is physical health and physical health is mental health. I mean, this is what I talk about all the time. So I'm very, very curious about her like personal past and her scientific, like the research that she was able to do. She's not personally a doctor, but it sounds like she did some in-depth studying and talking to people about hormones. I think, in my mind, I think this is going to be a little bit like the Menopause Manifesto where there's like here's how like feminism and history fits into where we are today. Here's why it's really important to be talking about our bodies and about our hormones and about changes and PMS and menopause, and it's not really specifically menopause, but like all of those things.
Pahla B:
So the book is Hormonal by Eleanor Morgan. I will tell you, yes, there will be a tripcode available and actually let me ... okay, everyone in meeting. Look at what I have done, you guys. I'm so proud of myself, you have no idea. Before we even started, I grabbed the link so that I can do this, put it in the chat. Mic drop. So here's the thing. What Chirp Books is doing right now is they are actually setting up a page on Chirp Books that is really specifically for my book club. So it's chirpbooks.com/pahla, P-A-H-L-A, and it will have all of the books that we have talked about that you can grab all in one place.
Pahla B:
Here's what I'm going to tell you. Don't go get the new one until the 1st of March, because right now it's full price and on, I think, it's the 1st of March or like the first week of March, it's going to be on sale, and I don't remember if they told me if it was going to be 2.99 or 3.99. It's going to be one of those. It's going to be significantly less expensive than it is right now. Right now it's full price at like 24.99, I think, because it's not brand new. It came out in like 2019.
Pahla B:
So the thing about Chirp is that what they do is they have those discounts for a short amount of time, and what they do for me really specifically is they give that discount during the month that we are reading it. So March 1st, I think, go grab it. The thing about the actual book club page, the chirpbooks.com/pahla, is that it is literally like my book club page. So you can follow it. You can ... I think there might even be a function of seeing like other picks and things like that. They're actually having ... They're doing a whole thing where they're having different kinds of book clubs with different kinds of influencers.
Pahla B:
So for those of you like me who like to read psychological thrillers ... Amanda, I love that we have that in common ... so there will be like a book club run by ... I'm going to call myself a personality, how about that? Where like every month, or actually we're going to be going to pretty soon here, we're going to have one in March, and then I think our next one is going to be in like May or June. We're going to have like a summer club. So we're going to actually be going to seasonal rather than every single month so that it doesn't feel like homework. That was one of the things I was talking about with Chirp. I'm like, "Monthly is kind of a lot, but every other month or every third month, I think, would be really ... give us plenty of time to go through it and not feel like we have to listen to it last night," right, Amy?
Pahla B:
But so you guys, this was so much fun, and Linda says, if you are a Chirp member, they send an email when the discount price is available. Yes, exactly. Oh, Linda, is that how you found out about this club? I love it. Welcome. That's so fun. Honestly ... let me be honest, I kind of assumed that everybody here already knew about me personally from like YouTube or from the podcast. So I love that you came here from Chirp. This is so fun. And now here you are hanging out with us. This is awesome. The more the merrier, for sure. So, you guys ... was that everything?
Pahla B:
I feel like this was so much fun. Thank you Amanda and Amy. Thank you guys, so, so much for stepping out of your comfort zone, doing something fun. Randy also came from Chirp. I love this. You guys. Welcome. I love meeting new people and having such a good time. Thank you guys so, so, so much for being here. I will see you all again soon. Have a great rest of your day.
Pahla B:
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