So, you’re ready to lose weight for the last time by changing your mindset. Fantastic! But… ummm… how exactly do you do that? And why does it work, when all the dieting you’ve been doing after menopause makes it feel like nothing will ever work again? These are the questions I’m answering on today’s episode of the Get Your GOAL podcast, where I’m sharing exactly how journaling helps you lose weight.
Hello, hello, my lovely, ambitious and overthinking GOALfriend! Welcome to the podcast. I’ve got another fantastic one for us today, with a deep dive into the exact journaling process I used in my own life to lose weight for the last time in my 50s, and – not coincidentally – one of the several journaling processes I teach inside the Get Your GOAL membership.
It’s no secret that I am a huge fan of journaling. In fact, I consider myself a journaling coach, a journaling mentor, and even a journaling teacher.
I think a lot of us know that journaling is good for us, in that vague way that we know brushing our teeth is good for us. Like, everybody says it’s helpful, but how? And why?
Well, a dentist will tell you that your gum health is actually directly tied to your heart health, and a life coach – me – will tell you that journaling for self awareness is the direct path to creating weight loss habits you can stick with.
And, like a dentist who is an expert in their field, I can talk about journaling all day long! Or, for about 45 minutes. Today’s full-length, deep dive episode is another foray into the Pahla B archives, with a Masterclass I taught just a few months ago, called “How To Lose All the Weight You Want (by journaling about it!)”
When you listen all the way through, you’ll get not just the teaching part, but the Q&A from other menopausal women who are struggling with the same weight loss questions you are. This one is chock full of good, actionable information. Enjoy!
So you guys, let's get going, shall we? We are here, my friends, to lose all the weight you want and lemme introduce myself, just in case this is the very first time we've met. I'm Pahla B. I am a certified life and weight loss coach inside the Get Your Goal group. I'm the author of Mind Over Menopause. I'm the creator of the five oh method. And I'm also, and this is maybe the most important thing, an ambitious menopausal woman just like you who wanted something more out of my life. I had heard my entire life that journaling was the way to get what I wanted and I could not figure out how. Until I did. Now, if you are anything like me, you are probably smart and successful. And honestly, you've got your shit together in so many ways except maybe this one, you're kind of struggling to get the results that you want from your journaling, and that is if you're journaling at all.
And also you're kind of having trouble connecting the dots between your mindset and your weight because your weight really seems like it must just be a body thing. You have literally heard your entire life that in order to lose weight, all you have to do is eat less and move more. And yet here in menopause it's very clear that that's not really what happens anymore. And I want to let you know that honestly that was never all that was going on. It's just that when we were younger, our mindset was working towards weight loss in a way that it might not be right now at this age when weight loss becomes different, we actually have to go into our mindset to unwind all of the nonsense that we learned when we were younger. So here's the thing today, because you're here, I happen to know this about you.
You are ready to think about weight loss and your mindset in a new way. And so that's what we're going to do today here in this masterclass, you're going to learn why your mindset actually matters for weight loss and maybe the most important thing, how to spot the mindset blocks that are slowing you down. And I want to pause here for a quick second and let you know that this isn't shame or blame or judgment at all. The truth of it is that if you are not getting where you want to go, if you don't already have your goal weight, you have a mindset block that's slowing you down. This class is going to teach you how to find those blocks so that you can bust through them. And I'm going to teach you the very simple doable journaling process that helped me lose all the weight that I wanted.
So let me start with this. Weight loss over 50 is actually really simple. It is slightly different from when we were younger because you don't just eat less and move more. You actually need to be pretty strategic about it. You're going to do five things each and every day. And this is the 5.0 method. Number one is you're going to manage your mindset. That's what we're doing today. Number two is that you're going to eat the right number of calories. It's a slight caloric deficit over time. The right number of calories for you, by the way, is your starting weight with a zero on the end of it, you're going to drink the right amount of water, which is your starting weight in pounds. And by the way, that other calculation is your weight in pounds. I forget, I'm an American and y'all, I forget that there are people in the world who weigh themselves in kilograms because kilograms don't quite make sense to me the way that pounds do.
And so I assume that we're talking about pounds and ounces and I remind myself right after the words are out of my mouth to tell you, I'm talking about pounds and ounces. The right amount of water by the way, is your weight in pounds divided by two, and that's the number of fluid ounces that you will drink each day. You're going to get adequate sleep and you're also the very least important of all of this weight loss formula is exercise moderately for funsies, not because it drives weight loss. So here's the thing that happens though. When you start on something like the five oh method, you have these five tasks, it's laid out very simply. It feels like you're going to be able to do this. It's simple, it's straightforward, it's backed by science, and yet you're not doing some and maybe even all of these tasks, and I want to pause here and completely normalize this for you.
Once again, if you were already at your goal weight, you'd be doing these things, but because you're not at your goal weight, you're not doing these things. And because these aren't habits, because these aren't things that you've been doing, you are going to struggle to make them part of your routine. It happens to all of us. This is truly step one of getting any goal is knowing what your tasks are and then not doing them. And here's unfortunately what you're doing instead of your tasks, you might be self-sabotaging by doing the exact opposite of what you intended happens to us all. You might be making excuses about being busy or life getting in the way. You might be getting lost and confused in all of the details. This is actually what happened to me. I spent so much time spinning trying to make plans, trying to figure it out, trying to do the calculations, trying to get the right app, trying to make sure I had meals planned, trying to really make sure I knew what was going to come next.
I called it being prepared, but it was procrasti-planning instead of actually doing stuff. You might also be blaming yourself for being lazy or dumb or unmotivated or undisciplined. Now here's the thing, none of these things are true. The problem is not your circumstances. It's not how busy you are in your life. You actually can't always change your circumstances. And the problem is definitely not. Your character has nothing to do with being lazy or unmotivated and your character in general does not need to change. The truth of it is it's just your mindset which can 100% change. That's what we're here for today my friends. I'm going to show you how, but before we get there, lemme tell you something. There's a couple of things that you need to understand about your mind and your mindset that will really help the journaling process make the most sense.
Here's thing number one, the pleasure principle. I'm not going to sing the Janet Jackson song, but you are welcome to have that in your head for the rest of the day. The truth of it is undeniably you are always, always, always, always. And yes, I could say it a hundred more times, always seeking pleasure and avoiding pain. And sometimes it's not very obvious how that is playing out in your life until you are really looking for it. It's one of the things I'm going to teach you how to look for today in your journal. But here's the great news about the pleasure principle. It means that you actually always know why you are doing things and for the purposes of what we're talking about today where you're trying to create these new habits, you also always know why you are not doing something. If we did not as human beings follow the pleasure principle, if we were completely random, sometimes we do things, sometimes we don't and we never know why, then this journaling process wouldn't work.
But because as human beings we are always seeking pleasure and avoiding pain, it means that you can always figure out why you are not doing the thing you want to do. So here's something else that's going to be really important for you to understand about how and why we do anything. This is something I call the wheel. I did not invent it. And that's actually why I call it the wheel is because this is how we as human beings behave. We have a thought and that thought creates a feeling always every time. By the way, this is kind of an important thing to know. Your feelings always come from your thoughts. And further to that, your feelings have a job in the world. Your feelings actually drive your actions. You never do anything from any other reason except that you've had a feeling. Now here's the thing that happens though. Those actions always get you a result that is a direct reflection of your original thought, your brain, I'm going to say this gently and with love. Your brain is a little bit lazy. It really wants to just always believe
What it already thinks. So it thinks something and then it creates that thing coming true so that it can keep thinking that thing. So let me show you how this plays out. This is why you do things. You have a thought, it creates a comfortable feeling, a pleasurable feeling. We're always seeking pleasure and avoiding pain. That pleasurable comfortable feeling drives productive actions. And then those actions the way they always do, get you a result that is a direct reflection of your original thought. This is how you get exactly what you want. You have a thought, something like drinking water is easy. This is not one of my thoughts by the way, this is just an example. But drinking water is easy, creates the feeling inside your body, the emotion of confidence that feels so good, so easy. And then because of that feeling of confidence, you have the actions of planning ahead for your water consumption, knowing exactly where all the public restrooms are that you might need to use today, and then you're drinking your water on schedule that thought created this feeling drove these actions and then you got the result that was a direct reflection of your original thought, easily meeting your daily water target because of the thought.
Drinking water is easy. But here's the thing, this is also why you don't do things. This wheel is always working. You have a thought and a thought that creates an uncomfortable feeling. I'm going to say the word pain here and I want you to know that I'm not necessarily talking about true deep physical pain. Your brain is seeking pleasure, even simple, gentle, subtle pleasures and it's avoiding pain. Even something as mildly uncomfortable, as small feeling, but that uncomfortable feeling drives avoidant actions. You're always seeking pleasure and avoiding discomfort, pain, those avoidant actions, my friend, the wheel is always working no matter which way it's rolling. Those avoidant actions get you a result that is a direct reflection of your original thought. So if you have a thought like drinking water is hard, well, I mean let's just sit with that for a second. Drinking water is hard.
You can feel in your body. I mean you watch me shrinking underneath that, it feels so burdensome. Drinking water is hard. And just so you know, this example actually is from my own life. This is a thought I found in my own brain in my journal, which we're going to get to. But from that feeling of burdened, you can imagine that your actions are trying to avoid trying to shake off, trying to pretend like that thought doesn't exist if you hear it at all. Trying to pretend like we're not burdened, trying to pretend like none of this is happening. But also you find yourself not really planning ahead, not maybe knowing where public restrooms might be and definitely not drinking when you intended to. You find yourself not doing the actions that you wanted to do in order to lose weight. And here's the thing, the result that you get is a direct reflection of that original thought.
You are hardly ever meeting your daily water target. Now here's the thing, remember, none of this has anything to do with your circumstances or your character. It's just your mindset. But rather than trying to force yourself to change your habits with sheer willpower, by the way, again, this is what we all do. Let's just pause here and normalize that we notice ourselves not doing something, so we try even harder to do it. But what I offer you today is this really gentle, simple, doable process where you can actually get to the root of why you are not doing the thing that you want to do. There's no willpower, no restriction involved. It's simply taking a look at your brain inside your journal. So let me clarify really quickly. I am going to tell you the process, but let me also tell you really quickly that what journaling does do is it facilitates self-awareness.
It really helps you see, oh, I'm having a thought. That thought is creating a feeling. That feeling is driving actions that I can clearly see because I see my thought, what I'm getting from it. When you take the time to sit down with your journal, you'll actually see those wheels that I just showed you on screen. It facilitates self-awareness and it also creates long-term permanent change. And I'm going to show you exactly how over the course of showing you this journaling process. But I want you to think about how different that is than trying to simply white knuckle your way with willpower to get a simple quick result. White knuckling your way to weight loss.
You can do it, but opening up your journal, taking a look inside your brain and changing your mindset will actually change you forever. You will not change your habits temporarily.
You will facilitate long-term permanent change, AKA, maintaining your weight forever. So what journaling doesn't do is it doesn't solve your problems right now. It doesn't make you feel better right now. It doesn't work immediately. And I do think that that is the hard sell of journaling. Lots of us, I mean no, all of us are seeking pleasure, avoiding pain, and we really truly do think that fast pleasure is better pleasure. And what I want to offer you is that long-term permanent pleasure is better overall. It's so much easier to stay in a place that feels good rather than constantly seeking little hits of feeling good right now. Journaling is slow magic, but my friend, it is absolutely magic. So let's get to the actual process here it is two simple steps. In fact, I even call it the two step tool. Step one is you're going to find your thoughts and step two, you're going to feel if those thoughts are helpful, you're going to use your brain and you're going to tune in to your body to get every single place you want to go.
So let's come up with an example here for how we might notice something going on in our lives and then come to our journal to figure out what that thing is. So let's say that your intention is to follow the five oh method and you have a set bedtime and waking time each day and you don't worry about how much in between is actual sleep, but you constantly find yourself not getting to bed when you said you would. You have this idea that you'd love to be able to do this thing and you find yourself not doing that thing. So we're going to go to your journal to find out what you're thinking and feeling. And you already know because you're not doing a thing that you have a thought that feels uncomfortable, that's driving avoidant actions. You already know approximately what you're going to find when you come to your journal.
So let's find out exactly what those thoughts and feelings are. So step one, you're going to find your thoughts by asking yourself a really direct and specific question, and then you're going to write down exactly what you hear. So for example, you might ask yourself, what do I think about getting to bed at 9:30 PM I have to tell you this one really specifically is not an example from my own life. I've go to bed very early, I wake up very early. My personal thoughts about going to bed at 9:30 PM is that's really late, but I know that for lots of, let's just call you normal people, but 9:30 PM would actually feel really early. So you might find in your brain some thoughts like, I can't do it, I can't get anything done, or it's way too early. So you're going to recognize that those thoughts are thoughts and not facts, and here's how you're going to do that.
By knowing, because I'm telling you that literally everything in your head is a thought. As human beings, we actually don't think in facts, but we think that everything we think is true. We think that everything that's going on in our brains is simply a fact and it's not. It's a thought. And recognizing your thought as a thought can be as simple as writing. I think directly in front of that sentence, hear how different it sounds already just by putting those two words in front of it. Example, what do I think about getting to bed at 9:30 PM I think I can't do it. I think I can't get anything done. I think it's way too early. Now here's the thing, some of these might still have the absolute ring of truth. Really taking a moment though to hear your thoughts and call them thoughts, label them as thoughts, helps your brain, even if you can't feel it right in the moment, helps your brain recategorize this thought.
It takes it out of the truth column and into the, hmm, maybe column and this is good news. This is how we unstick thoughts that aren't helping us get where we want to go, and here's how we know which ones are helping us get to our goal and which ones aren't. We're going to feel if they're helpful. You're going to find the feeling that each thought creates. Remember that all of your thoughts are creating a feeling. That's what thoughts do. That's literally their job. And if the feeling is uncomfortable, excuse me, comfortable, you're going to write helpful next to the thought. It will help your brain label that thought as this is a thought that's getting me to my goal. If on the other hand, and here's the thing, you already knew that you were going to find unhelpful thoughts when you came to your journal.
You came here because you saw yourself not doing a thing. So of course what you found was unhelpful thoughts. But rather than just coming here and being like, okay, unhelpful, unhelpful, unhelpful, we're going to notice the feeling that that thought creates in our body so that we can really clarify for ourselves why it's unhelpful. A thought is unhelpful because of the uncomfortable or painful feeling that it creates in your body. So if it's an uncomfortable feeling, you're going to write unhelpful next to the thought. So for example, what do I think about getting to bed at nine 30? Well, I think I can't do it. To me, this thought felt very helpless, like incapable, I can't do it. And that helpless feeling inside my body feels very shrunken, very small, very helpless. I would not want to feel that feeling all day long. It is uncomfortable inside my body.
So I know that this is unhelpful for getting me where I want to go. I think I can't get anything done. To me that thought creates a feeling of frustration. Frustration feels like tension in my mouth, kind of flinging my hands, kind of a tense energy. I would not want to feel that feeling all day in my body that is uncomfortable, unpleasant, not physically painful, but not pleasurable for sure. So I know because of the feeling in my body that that thought is unhelpful for getting me where I want to go. I think it's way too early. Oh my gosh. For me, this one, the feeling that I described this as when I was doing this work for myself was put out just an absolute martyr. It's way too early, the deep sigh, the rolling of my eyes, the shrugging of my shoulders, the burden in my chest, all of that so uncomfortable, not painful, but not pleasurable.
So I know because of the feelings in my body that this is an unhelpful thought for getting me where I want to go. Now, here's the part of this journaling process that I suspect is actually going to be the hardest for all of us. I happen to know that you and I would both like to do something with this, that we would like to take this thought and absolutely eradicate it from our brains and squish it and be done with it and find a helpful thought and move forward and think positively and go, go, go, go, go. But nothing that we do next is virtually nothing. I see virtually because you have already done something simply by coming to your journal. There is no step three because observing a thing changes that thing. This is actually a well-known principle in both physics and psychology. Once you have observed, seen, noticed this thought and this feeling inside of you, you've already taken steps to change that thing.
So let's say no, not let's say. Let me show you that you have actually already changed your mindset, your thought, the uncomfortable feeling that it created, the avoidant actions it drove and the results that you've gotten simply by observing it. And let me show you how this is slow magic but magic. So you had the thought and it created the uncomfortable feeling, but every single time you catch that, you notice it, you observe it, oh my gosh, there's the thought, I can't do it. There's the feeling of helplessness. That little tiny bump right here where you observe slightly changes your actions, slightly changes your results. And remember how we talked about how your brain always wants to be as efficient as possible and simply create what it already believes to be true and by the time it creates it again and again and again, it doesn't have to think very hard to do something else.
Well, your observation slightly changed, your actions slightly changed your results. Your brain is therefore on notice, oh my gosh, this wheel isn't rolling as efficiently. This wheel is taking more energy than it used to over time simply because of the observation, you will have access to different thoughts that create different feelings. Some of them will be pleasurable, that will drive different actions. Some of them will be productive. That will drive different results. The thing you want, observing a thing changes that thing coming to your journal changes your mindset. Now here's the thing. I know that I have laid a lot on you about how this all works and I want to offer you some next steps for how to really implement and execute this in your life. The truth of it is this is exactly what we do inside the Get Your Goal Group and the Get Your Goal Group is a monthly weight loss mindset membership.
It's where I am the head coach and it's where journaling about your thoughts and feeling your feelings and getting your goal is actually really normal. It's what we're all there for. The truth of it is you absolutely can journal alone and get the results that you want. I don't ever want to come to you and be like, oh, the only way that you can lose all the weight that you want is to come and join my group. What I offer you is that joining the Get Your Goal Group can actually help you with the parts that are difficult. When you are journaling alone, you are, I mean because you're alone, you are the one who is coaching yourself, and the truth of it is it can be tough to get out of your thoughts enough to really see that they're thoughts and not facts, but there are also pros and cons to this.
Journaling alone means that every single thing you think or feel stays completely private, and I absolutely understand that that might feel really important. The thing about group coaching, again, pros and cons. In a group like the Get Your Goal Group, somebody else has actually already solved your exact problem. The truth of it is somebody has already thought the thought that you've had, somebody has already felt the feeling that you've had. Somebody has already figured out exactly how this observation can change your mindset and as often as not that somebody is actually me, my friend, I have done this work, I'm still doing this work not on weight loss, but on other goals in my life. This process works on every thought you might ever have and being in a group where you can really see other people getting traction and being able to get where they want to go can help normalize for you that this is available to you and pros and cons.
When you are in a group, it is public and what I want to assure you is that the Get Your Goal Group is not on Facebook. It used to be a long time ago and it is not anymore. I like Facebook for other reasons, but the Get Your Goal Group is on a private secure platform that I monitor frequently to make sure that only the people who are in the group are in the group and have access to everything. It is as private and secure as any platform can be. So here's how being in the Get Your Goal group actually speeds up your results. Self-awareness really does require a level of authenticity with yourself and being your authentic self in a really safe and nurturing and understanding community and watching other people show their authentic selves can really help speed up that process in your journal.
All of us come to our journal when we first start learning this, censoring ourselves, trying to find the positive thoughts, trying to find the silver lining, trying to slap a happy smile on our faces, trying to be the best version of ourselves, the Pinterest perfect version, but coming into a group where it's completely normal to really be yourself, to really show your vulnerability can help speed up that process for you inside the group. You actually get to learn your way with a variety of resources. Oh my gosh, the sun just came out. That is so alert. The Sun knows that. I'm talking about the Get Your Goal Group. The Sun is very excited about that. Also, it's me inside the Get Your Goal group. I've got a variety of resources for you because I personally learn in really diverse ways. We've got audio, we've got video, we've got written learning, and we also have interactive coaching calls where we can talk and verbally process things.
You can also really get inspired by other members' successes. The thing about being inside of a group is that it's really nice to be able to see that other people doing the same work, having the same unhelpful thoughts, feeling the same uncomfortable feelings can move through what they're feeling, what they're thinking, and show you how success is actually available for you too, and you really get to treat yourself in a no pressure environment. I happen to know in the world of weight loss that there are lots and lots of places where you can go that are running like 30 day challenges or let's see who can lose weight the fastest or running Biggest Loser style competitions in the Get Your Goal Group. There's absolutely no pressure to be anywhere except exactly where you are. Once again, really normalizing that women can be successful without pushing each other or pushing themselves.
There's no competition. It's all about being exactly where you are to get what you want. So here's the nuts and bolts of it because I mean this all sounds so lovely, but no for reals, what's inside the Get Your Goal community? Well, inside your membership, there's a lively supportive community that is not on Facebook. There's asynchronous Learning, which means a video library that teaches you exactly how to lose all the weight you want. There's weekly coaching calls for all stages of weight loss including maintenance because that is a big part of it as well, and you can stay in the group to get any goal you want. There's a private podcast. There are coaching call replays and other exclusive resources because the Get Your Goal group is where you have the most access to me personally and all of the work that I put out in the world.
The truth of it is my friend, you belong inside the Get Your Goal group. I keep the price as cheap as possible. I consider myself the Costco of weight loss coaching by having the membership just $50 a month. There's absolutely no participation minimums, meaning that if you are there for a couple of months, it's completely okay. You don't have to sign a long-term contract and you also, this one's from my introverts don't have to participate in any way that doesn't feel comfortable to you. You can be a lurker inside the group, which is how I am in most of the groups that I am in. It is easy to join, it is easy to use, and we're waiting for you inside my friend.
Come on over to get your goal.com/work with me and come inside the Get Your Goal group.
Now my friends, I promised you I would have plenty of time and oh my gosh, I had practiced this masterclass and I had thought that it was going to take about exactly this amount of time.
We have plenty of time for q and a and I happen to see that there was a couple of them already in the q and a. If you have another question, go ahead and pop it in the q and a. Now I'm going to stop sharing my screen. Hello, hello and let me scroll through here and find a couple of questions. Anonymous attendee says, why not just change the bedtime? This is such a great question. Okay, so this is when I was giving the example of the nine 30 bedtime. The truth of it is you absolutely can, and there are plenty of times when manipulating your circumstances can be the thing that gets you where you want to go. If for example, you need to wake up at a certain time every day, there will be what I would consider a hard stop on how late you might be able to go to bed.
There are times when I'm going to say that things need to get done that you will need to not just change your circumstances, but really dig in to find out what's going on inside your brain to be able to get where you want to go. In the case of your bedtime, yes, you absolutely might be able to change the bedtime and up until that time where you've got the flexibility, there might be a point where even if it's 10 30, even if it's 1130, even if it's 1230, even if it's 1:30 AM you might still need to figure out what's going on that's stopping you from getting to bed when you say you will. Thank you for asking that question. That was fantastic. Audrey has a great question. How many people are typically in a group coaching call at one time and what time are they usually scheduled important for an East coast full-time worker?
I absolutely agree with you. Typically in a group coaching call, oh gosh, I would say that we have anywhere from relatively small attendance, meaning six to 10 and upwards of 20 plus. The group itself as of right now has about 150 members. It's not huge, but it's also not tiny. There's space for you to either sit in the back row if you'd like again, totally okay. I know I don't seem like it because I'm here on video being this version of Paula, but I'm also a big introvert. There are absolutely times when I'm like, I'm just here to read. I'm just here to be in the comments. I'm not here to be on stage. You are welcome to be in the back row or come front and center. You can attend the calls either with your camera on or with your camera off. I firmly believe that when you feel your best, you will get your best results.
I mean, that's our pleasure principle. When you feel good, you get what you want, so I try to be as accommodating as I can inside the group to make sure that you can feel your best. Having said that, what time are they usually scheduled? I actually run several weekly coaching calls. They start as early as 5:00 AM California time and they go as late as I think. The latest one that I have scheduled right now is 4:00 PM California time specifically because we do have members who are in Europe, we've got members in Australia, we've got members on the west coast in central time zone and on the east coast. I really do try to accommodate as many time zones as possible and if for whatever reason those times aren't as convenient for you, I do get the coaching call replays up as quickly as possible so that you can watch and listen and get the goodness out of them. I'm also always available via written coaching and I apologize you guys. I'm going to close my blinds here real quick because I literally can't see.
I was so worried about inclement weather. It literally didn't occur to me that I would get blinded by the sun on this call. I'm cracking up but not being able to have predicted that one, but I do try to make sure, oh, the written coaching, that's what I was saying. There is written coaching available basically 24 7. I'm not answering 24 7, but you can always get an answer to your questions somewhat sooner rather than later in one way or another. It is the place that I am most accessible is inside the Get Your Goal group and the peer coaching that's available to you from the other members who have been in for years and have gone through the work is invaluable. The other members of the group are truly the value of the group. When you come inside and meet the women there, they're unlike anybody that you've ever been in a group with in real life. In real life. You might have one or two friends who are super into self-help and self-improvement and kind of understand what you're talking about with mindset, but by and large at work or in your family or just out in the world, most people are just kind of complaining about their weight. They're just kind of feeling stuck. They're just kind of not sure what to do next. Being inside a group where everybody has a process, everybody's there for the same thing, everybody's there to get vulnerable and understand themselves.
I'm struggling for words. That's what it's like to be inside of there. It is so powerful to be in a group where you can be yourself and get what you want because everybody else is doing the same. Thank you so much for asking that. Audrey Darcy says, question if I have a mindset issue with journaling itself, absolutely do I just need to rely on willpower to do it? I've read your book and objectively know that journaling will help, but I really struggle making myself journal even though I've journaled about what I think about it. Here's what I want you to know. There is no standard for what journaling looks like. In fact, one of the very first things that I'll teach you when you come inside the Get Your Goal group, and I freely offer this to you right now as well, is how to set parameters for yourself that you can meet so that you can take all of the guilt and the judgment and the shame and I don't want us out of the thing that you are struggling to do and get into it.
Journaling doesn't have to look like you write it on paper. It doesn't have to look exactly like the two-step tool where you have a book and you have a pen and you write this question and then you answer it and then you put I think and you feel the feeling. It doesn't have to be structured exactly like that. Simply immersing yourself by listening to the podcast, by coming to classes like this, by joining the Get Your Goal group, by being around it, hearing it, seeing it, understanding it, kind of letting it simmer in your mind, you are actually doing mindset work. It counts as journaling. If you say so and I strongly suggest you do truly, one of the best ways to get where you are going is to develop that bridge of trust with yourself where you say you're going to meet a parameter and then you meet it, and the way to do that isn't to set yourself a hard parameter, make yourself do it, but to set yourself this really generous parameter.
Literally anything I do counts and then check. Look at that. I did that. Now I know I can and then I'll shrink my parameter a little. What if I make this a tiny bit harder? Can I still do that? And then you do it. Check, look at me. I'm doing what I say I'm going to do. I can really trust myself to follow through when I'm the one setting the rules. You get to set whatever parameters you want for journaling and whether you join the Get Your Goal group or not. Darcy, what I offer you is to really allow yourself to be exactly where you are and set a parameter for journaling. That's what you are already doing, listening to the podcast, reading the book, thinking about journaling. It gets a check mark. It gets that bridge of trust with yourself. This is what I said I was going to do and then I did it and now I know I can that now I know I can will carry you so far.
It will carry you to the next little step where you're like, I wonder if I can do this little bit more. I wonder if I can do this little bit more. You never need to white knuckle or force yourself to do things. You can come to it curiously like, look at how good I've been at this. What's the next little thing I think I can do when it feels like the exact right amount of challenge, you will follow through every time. I'm so glad you asked that. I know, I know lots of you on this call are like, there's a reason I'm here to figure out how to journal is because I don't think I want to journal. I know, and you already are journaling just by being here. Check today, Gretchen says, question. I'm very overwhelmed with what questions to start with to journal, where do I even begin?
I love this question. The simplest question that I have for you that I offer you in the five oh method is something along the lines of what do I think about today's numbers and I want you to know that rather than struggling to come up with a new question every single day, you can actually just use that one as long as you want to. There is an art to being able to ask yourself questions and it's not necessary as you first get started, you can simply ask yourself a question, what do I think about my weight? What do I think about journaling? What do I think about asking myself a question? There's no such thing as a bad question. I'll offer you a form tip. In fact, a couple of them I don't personally like to ask myself why do I think such and such?
For me personally, that tends to lead me down a rabbit hole of shame and blame and this came from my childhood and the world is out to get me and things that aren't super productive for me personally. When I come to my journal to find my thoughts, I really like to ask myself, what do I think? That way I know that what I'm hearing is a thought. I've asked myself a question, I've answered that question as a thought, so I offer you that. You could simply ask yourself, what do I think? For me personally, that question is a little bit broad.
That's where my anxiety does actually come in. When I ask myself a question, what do I think and I have this big blank page, I'm like, well, where do I start? Okay, let's go. I guess I'm writing for the rest of my life, I think 60,000 thoughts a day, so I personally love to ask myself a really specific and direct question, but if my wording of, oh, your question should be specific and direct feels like pressure, don't ask yourself a specific and direct question. Really, truly, the big picture here is come to this process in a way that you can really be on board with making it work for you. It can look like anything. It can be anything When you really notice, okay, this is what I'm struggling with, this is what I don't like. See if you can tweak it, go ahead and change it in a way that feels like, okay, now this is a process that I can really get some traction with.
When you get traction, it's not like you're coming to me and I'm going to give you an a plus and I'm going to give you a little check mark and I'm going to be like, you did great. Yes, I will. I mean I'm happy to validate what you're doing, but also you are the one who's getting results. Make this work for you and hopefully some of those suggestions were really helpful to you. Either broaden it up or narrow it down or leave it as open as possible. Whatever feels really good to you is the way to move forward. Pleasure principle, it feels good. You get where you want to go. Thank you so much for asking that one, Gretchen. Peggy says, question, how do I find the time to journal if I am very busy? That seems to be a difficult thing for me. Totally agree.
Totally understand the official standard that I offer you in the five oh method, which by the way, always a framework, every single thing that I offer you in the five oh method, scientifically proven that this is how it works, but also you have to make it work for you and the standard that I offer for journaling is to journal for five minutes, literally five minutes or five thoughts, whichever one comes first so that it's very quick and very easy and very doable and if even sitting down for five minutes because trust me, I understand, I say I'm going to sit down for five minutes, but I have to come over to my desk. I have to actually grab my journal, I have to get a pen, I have to get comfortable. I have to open it up. I have to think, okay, what question am I going to ask myself?
There's a couple of other minutes of prep work that's kind of part of that that starts to feel like the thing that might be too much, that might be a little overwhelming that might be like, yeah, you know what? I don't have time right now and here's what I offer you. Make it work for you. You've come to this class today, this counts. Listen to five minutes of the replay, listen to five minutes of a podcast. Make it work for you in a way that you can fit it in if you have time during your day while you're driving or while you're doing dishes or I always say dishes is my example by the way, because I love doing dishes. That's actually really relaxing time in my head for me, so that's when I'm listening to audio books or podcasts or just thinking my own thoughts.
To me, that's really relaxing time. If you don't like doing dishes, don't ever take that as some kind of a lock. Find some time where listening to something in your own head or some other sort of resource will count for you as journaling. As you get into the habit and into the practice of even thinking about your thoughts, you will magically find time to think your thoughts on paper. It's all about making it work for you. Thank you so much for asking that. Peggy, wind flour says Question, the five oh method tells me to eat 1050 calories. I know that's low. What do you think?
I think lots of things. 60,000 thoughts a day. As a matter of fact, I will suggest a couple of different things. I'm going to guess, I mean I know how much you weigh based on what you've just told me about the calculation.
What I'm going to guess is that you might be very short and very tiny already. Here's the thing about the 5.0 method. It is intended as a starting point, a framework, and there are absolutely outliers for whom the number, the hard end, fast number just doesn't work, and there are lots of reasons why that may be so. What I offer you is the chance to pick a number, literally pick a number, get consistent with that number. Take a look at all the mindset, do the other, taking care of your metabolism stuff, drinking your water, sleeping and exercising moderately and see what happens. The number that I offer you for your calories is more or less what science says. When you are very tiny, you actually do not need a lot of energy. As you get older, your needs for energy also decrease. There is a bell curve there though where this absolutely applies to lots of people but also doesn't for some.
I really want to empower you on all of the steps of the 5-0 Method on everything I ever offer you ever. If you don't like it, go ahead and try something different and not in a snarky or sarcastic way. I heard that coming out of my mouth and I was like, this could be taken two ways and I really promise you that. What I mean by this is you really are the one who's going to make this work. You really do have the power to choose anything and see how it turns out and not Noel, good luck to you kind of a way, but anything can happen when you take ownership over it and really allow yourself to say, you know what? This number might be, right, and also I don't think that's where I want to start. That really is you taking the reins of your weight loss journey and making it work.
That to me is the ultimate sign of success. When you are prepared to take a look at what I've offered you and be like, you know what? Here's I'm going to do to make this work for me. I love that for you, so what I think is that you get to do whatever you'd like with that number. If it sounds reasonable, if it sounds doable, give it a try and pay attention. Really pay attention to what you're thinking, how you're feeling, whether or not you're hungry, whether or not you're full and your results over time. It truly is the process for all of us, even if the number is working right away, we still get to pay attention to everything else going on around it and really manipulate all of the variables to our goal to what we want. Thank you so much for asking that one.
Stephanie says, the water example really resonates with me. Me too. That's why I chose that one. It is easier for me. Okay, so I'm super glad that actually made it really easy for you to see how the wheel works. I can also do this with sleep and mindset and exercise. Excellent. The one thing that I struggle to believe is in my calories. I can't figure out my calories. I don't believe in the amount because I can't see a loss, which makes me want to adjust them over and over again, so okay, this is such a great question. Here's where we're going to zoom up and out to see what's going on. Not believing in the calories because you don't see results is actually a little bit backwards. You can create a feeling of belief in yourself with any number. What happens when you're watching the results is actually kind of a whole nother situation.
It's a whole nother wheel. You're telling yourself something like, this isn't working, this must not be happening. I'm not losing weight, I'm gaining weight. When the scale fluctuates, there are a variety of other thoughts that are super uncomfortable that actually create that urgency to make changes over time. What I really want to offer you here is to spend time first sitting with yourself and really thinking about what number of calories feels doable, what actually feels like something that you could eat all the way to your goal weight? What's a number that feels like, okay, I'm not going to be hungry on this, but I'm also not going to be overly full. I'm not going to automatically be diving directly into the, oh my gosh, I'm so restricted. This isn't enough pool of thoughts and really sounds, I'm going to say reasonable, reasonable for what you'd like to eat.
Start there, have that number and ask yourself to keep eating that number over the course of a certain amount of time. When you offer yourself that chance to get consistent with that number, what you'll recognize over time is that the scale fluctuates constantly, constantly and that actually is a whole nother set of thoughts about the scale fluctuating and whether or not that's proving what's going on. The scale on a day-to-day basis is proving nothing, absolutely nothing. The time to analyze the number on the scale is over time, the time to analyze your calories, how they feel like in terms of hunger and satiety is on the daily. Really take a look and allow yourself to really gently listen to your body's signals. How hungry am I on this? How full am I on this, and if those aren't readily available to you, you can just keep gently asking yourself, really understanding that weight loss results only show up over a period of at least literally at minimum four to six weeks can really help pull your brain out of that.
Oh my gosh, yesterday's weight was this and today's weight is this and that means this. Really seeing that, that's just your brain being a brain offering your thoughts. Totally okay, and also those thoughts are really truly meaningless. You cannot analyze weight loss data from day to day. You cannot analyze the data until you have at least four weeks and honestly preferably longer to be able to see any kind of a trend, any kind of actual information. Hopefully that is helpful to you to really be able to just in the moment take your brain gently by the hand and say, thank you so much. I hear you and this information, this you trying to figure out what's going on and trying to analyze these numbers isn't helpful right now. Thank you so much for asking that. I know, I know that that gets to a lots of us and what I gently offer you is that if weighing yourself every single day feels like a lot of thoughts in your head, you get to manipulate that anyway. You to don't have to weigh yourself every day. You don't have to do anything I say. You get to make the program work for you in a way that really truly serves you.
Oh, I love this. Kathy says, you are about 11 years younger than me. Have you seen success with older women? Yes, I absolutely have. Does the approach change with age in terms of calories? Yes and no and thank you for asking this. The five oh method, I offer you that it is your starting weight in pounds with a zero on the end. There are some adjustments that you might like to make. I have found again on that bell curve for most women, the zero on the end is going to be good to go. There are some adjustments if you are for example, over five nine or under five three, if you are rather significantly younger, I think it's like 40, maybe 45, you'll want to add some more calories. Your metabolism is different. If you are over 65, you'll probably want to take away a few.
Knowing that the number that I offer you is not carved in stone, it's not some hard and fast rule like, oh my gosh, if you don't need this number, you are definitely not going to lose weight. It's my valley girl impression. It's a number. That's a great place to start and then see what kind of results that you get if you happen to be on the outsides of that bell curve, if you happen to be very tall or shorter, if you happen to be older or if you happen to be younger, you can give yourself some adjustments again to see how it goes, see how it feels, see how hungry you are, how sated you are, how it goes over time, four to six weeks to be able to analyze your data to be able to make the right number for you. Thank you so much for asking that one you guys.
I do see that we're at our one hour if you need to go. I totally understand. I am going to stay on. It looks like we've got just a couple more questions. I am going to stay on long enough to answer a couple more questions and the replay will be in your inbox within 24 hours. I'm going to make sure that I get it up and processed and ready for you tomorrow, but I totally understand if you do need to go at the one hour Mark, anonymous attendee says Question, are there other Paula B certified coaches who help support or are you a one-woman show? A little bit of both actually. I ran a goal coach certification, oh gosh, a little over a year ago, so there are women inside the Get Your Goal group who are certified in my process, who offer their support freely, generously and kindly.
Very frequently. They happen to be some of the most active members of the group, so whether or not they are specifically certified, there are plenty of women in the group who have been around long enough who can really offer you like, oh, okay, I've heard Paula say this, or This is how this works. Who can offer you some suggestions, some help, and plenty of support. I mean, whether they're certified or not, honestly, truly y'all, these are the most supportive women you will ever meet in your life. It is amazing. It's amazing, and having said that, as far as the actual coaching calls go right now, I am a one woman show. I am at some point in time in the future planning on certifying more goal coaches and do have plans again at some point in time to let other coaches run the coaching calls for you to be able to hear different kind of coaching styles, to be able to get different perspectives.
The truth of it is I'm an excellent coach and also I'm not the only one who can be. I love my coaching skills and I'm also, I'm going to go ahead and say limited to being who I am. The truth is that you could possibly get the same, better or different results. Having somebody else look inside your brain and help you see what's a thought and help you facilitate feeling your feelings, help you observe what's going on in your life simply because of a connection that you might form with them. As of right now, I run all the coaching calls. At some point in the future, there may be other coaches and I will always do what is in the group's best interest in terms of having a variety of resources available to you and hopefully that answered your question and thank you for asking it because I know that that is a question for a lot of people that you really want to know what you're getting into. I mean, is this really I have access to Paula B or is it like, oh, it's just a throw you to the wolves and you're all just going to be chattering amongst yourselves?
There is definitely chattering amongst yourselves, like I said, the most supportive women you will ever meet and also you have direct access to me.
Oh, Janice, what a great question. It says, do we need to join on the first day of the month or can we join after the first day? My friend, you can join any day. It is open at all times. I know that in lots of coaching groups, they really want you to start on a certain day and they kind of walk you through it. The truth of it is that the learning portion is available to you personally at any point in time, so you get to learn on your own time and then the coaching calls, we all just jump in. Whatever is on your mind, I'll coach you on. So it's not really a linear process and in fact, even though losing weight is relatively speaking linear, you start with the first five pounds you finish when you to your goal weight, there are things that you will discover about yourself, self-awareness that you will find really late in the process that I actually talked about in the first five pounds, and there are things you might learn in the first five pounds that you will carry through the entire process.
Really knowing that everybody in the group is where they are and that nobody is expected to progress at a very specific rate. Honestly, for me, I think that's part of the value of the group because then there's no pressure to perform in a way that is not where you are right now, so you can join on any day of the month that works for you. And Cheryl says, what are some questions that I could ask myself about drinking water? This is a great question and I will tell you that you can truly just ask yourself, what do I think about drinking water? It can be that broad and you'll hear whatever it is you need to hear. If you notice, for example, that you're completely fine drinking water at home, but for whatever reason at work, you just don't get your water in like oh knows why?
Well, your journal knows. You can ask yourself something more specific. What do I think about drinking water at work? You can ask yourself a general question, what do I think about drinking water? And then tag on the specific times or situations or whatever that you notice seem more difficult Really, it's not that there's a magical question that's going to find the answer in your head. It's that coming to your journal with curiosity like, I wonder what I'm thinking about. This will always help you ask yourself a question that will give you some thoughts to understand about yourself. Thank you for asking that one. That was really good. Anonymous attendee says, what if I want to continue to training for my short triathlons, which result in about one hour workouts each day? Do you suggest it's okay to do that instead of your recommended 25 minute workouts?
You know what? I absolutely support everything. I really do. I support everything that you want to do, and my real suggestion is to pay attention to your results. The truth of it is that exercise doesn't drive weight loss at all. It doesn't drive weight loss, but it can slow down your weight loss at rh. This is the thing about being a menopausal woman. Your body's ability to recover has changed how much it's changed for you specifically and personally is specific and personal to you. So me saying, oh, 25 minutes is the hard and fast rule. No, it's not. Absolutely not. For some people that's way too much for some people. It's not that it's way too little, it's just that your body is really okay with doing more than that and still recovering. What I'll offer you is that rather than only thinking about the workout that you think about the workout within all five of the five oh method factors, thinking about fueling for your workouts and really specifically thinking about recovering from your workouts, the recovery is what has changed for us.
It's not that you can't do the work, you absolutely can, it's that your recovery takes longer and is different. If you are doing a one hour workout, it doesn't automatically mean that you won't be able to lose weight. It means that you have to pay attention to how you're fueling for it and how you're recovering for it, and it might mean that your weight loss is on a slightly longer timeline, meaning that it's going slightly slower than somebody who is exercising. I'm going to say more moderately or less exercise. It doesn't mean can't, the truth of it is you can lose weight and you can lose weight doing the things you love. What you will have to manipulate along with that, that's going to be something that we get to treat as a science experiment. You get to figure it out, and that's super fun because it means you get to do what you love and you get the results that you want, and basically you get to solve a puzzle in the middle.
I mean, what's not to love about that? Right? Thank you for asking that one. Linda says, how do I not compare myself to others? I look at you and I think I will never look like her, and I know that's an unhelpful thought. I tell you what I have lots to say about that. It's not specifically related to the kind of journaling that we're doing here. There are other ways to use the two-step tool to help you in other areas. What I really offered you today is the way to take a look at these are the tasks and then this is what I noticed I'm not doing and this is how I can use this tool to be able to get where I want to go at some point in time in the future. I actually considering making this journaling masterclass a little bit more of a series diving into other ways that you can use the two-step tool, so let me briefly offer you that never looking like somebody else can be a blessing instead of a curse.
The truth of it is that you get to look at yourself and love yourself and that really is what I offer you as the big picture. Truly the big picture of everything that I do in the Get Your Goal Group is to be able to look at yourself and love exactly who you are, all of it, the good parts, the not so good parts, the parts that you think are beautiful right now, the things that you think are not so beautiful right now. Really look at yourself physically, look at yourself and mentally and emotionally look at yourself and say, yep, this is exactly who I am. That is the big broad scope of the work that we do, and right here in the moment when you think something like, I will never look like her, really recognize, and you already said it, I know it's an unhelpful thought, but do you know why?
What feeling does that thought create for you? Take a moment to actually notice that feeling inside your body. You don't have to go in and feel the feeling, but let it exist for a minute. I know when I say something like that, I feel so shrunken and shriveled and tight and little. I mean, you can literally see my body squeezing in on itself right now. When you take a moment to observe that and compare to what you'd like to feel like, that's how you know that that's an unhelpful thought and not in a judgy way, not like I shouldn't be thinking that, but like, oh, when I think that I really don't feel good, I don't feel good inside myself and I don't have to think that again, let's just take that moment to notice this is a thought, which means it's optional. It's a thought that doesn't feel good, and I can observe that I don't have to judge myself for it.
I don't have to squash it. I don't have to obliterate it from my life. Every time I hear the thought, I'll never look like her. I notice that I feel shrunken and shriveled and tight and yucky inside, and that's not a helpful thought. Just like I showed you today with that wheel, with the little bump out, that moment of observation will reduce the frequency of that thought in your mind. It will help your brain find a more helpful thought over time. It's the slow magic of mindset work, my friend. I'm really glad you asked that. Thank you for anonymous attendee says, question. I've heard you say that the scale is just data, and if it goes up one day and down another day, it doesn't really mean anything, so don't freak out. But if it doesn't really mean anything, why am I weighing myself at all?
This is such a great question. You're weighing yourself to collect data. You're weighing yourself to have proof of where you are going. The truth of it is you don't have to weigh yourself. There are plenty of people who have goals for themselves that have nothing to do with the scale, even health, fitness, whatever kinds of goals. What I offer you is the chance to collect the data to help prove to yourself that you're getting where you want to go. Your brain, your brain tries to analyze data way before it needs to. I mean, the day-to-Day, weighing your brain's like, oh, this means this. This means I'm never going to lose weight. This means I'm gaining weight. Your brain is so dramatic sometimes, but over time when you can see, oh my gosh, over these four weeks, over these six weeks, over these eight weeks, over these six months, over this year, look at these numbers.
Your brain really does love numbers. They're very concrete. When you take a moment to really help yourself see those numbers as proof that what you are doing is working over time, that's why you weigh yourself, and again, I'm going to say the word regularly instead of daily. I do recommend daily. I do recommend daily. The more data points you have, the more you can see what's going on, and having said that, you get to do exactly what you want with my advice. Thank you for asking that. That was a great question you guys. Let me scroll through. I think that this was, oh, we've got one more question from Laura says, I'm older and not so tech savvy. In fact, tech intimidated. I totally understand. Oh my God, I totally understand. Will I be able to get my best value from joining the group or buying the book?
Oh my gosh, this is such a great question. Here's the thing about best value. Best value is really determined by you, and I want to offer you the pros and cons of both of them. Obviously, the book is very non-technical. You go to a bookstore, you buy the book, it's super easy. It's right there. You can take notes in it, you can manipulate in whatever way you want. You literally do not need to get on a computer to read it. That is as easy as it gets. I'm going to say the con of that is that I only have these 178 or 278 pages. There's no feedback. I don't get to answer your specific questions. I don't get to help you see what's going on in your brain, so there's absolutely pros. It's as easy as it gets, and also if what you're looking for is a little bit of help, a little bit of handholding, a little bit of feedback, a little bit of interaction, then the Get Your Goal Group is going to be the way to go.
The Get Your Goal Group is online, which means that you will need some technology in order to be able to interact and be part of it. And having said that, you, Laura, are in this webinar and you found the q and a, you're good to go. You already know. You've already proven that you can come to a meeting and you can interact, which is perhaps your best value. Coming to a coaching call, asking a question, raising your hand, putting something in writing might be the thing that really feels like the best value to you. You can interact in the community, you can watch the videos and learn that way. You also might not like everything. I feel like I've said this a few times today and I really hope that this feels so good to you to know you really get to make it work for you.
I have tons of resources. The resources that are going to work best for you are the ones that work best for you, so really feel empowered to take what works and leave the things that don't. So you get to choose and they're not even mutually exclusive. Maybe read the book and be like, okay, this is how far I got with it, and now I understand what the point of it is. I got a little bit more to know about Paula and now I can see that I'd really like to join the Get Your Goal group too. They're not mutually exclusive. You could totally do both. I'm so glad you asked that you guys, I'm so glad you asked all of these questions. This was so phenomenal today. I really, really hope that this was helpful for you and as promised the replay will be in your inbox tomorrow. Thank you so, so much for joining me. I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day.
