Welcome to the Get Your Goal podcast, the place where ambitious, deep-thinking women chart their own course, exploring the mindset, emotions, and daily practices that help you get your goal your way by being unapologetically you. I'm your host, Pahla B, master certified life and goal coach and creator of the Daily 3 journaling framework.
On this podcast, you'll learn to navigate your unique path to success by using the most powerful tool in your kit, your own internal compass. Ready for the adventure? Let's go. Hello friend. Today we are talking about the question you're asking that's keeping you stuck, and I wanted to start this podcast with sort of an apology for that word stuck.
It's one of those funny words that when I hear it, I, I think simultaneously of two things. First of all, I think about, honestly, like every Facebook ad I've ever been served is some version of, "Are you feeling stuck? [00:01:00] We've got the solution." Like, it sounds like such a generic marketing word, and it also simultaneously sounds exactly like how I would describe myself to myself when I am having trouble getting my goals.
It's also the word that, I mean, gosh, at this point, I have worked with many, many hundreds of women, you know, in close quarters in my membership and also, I mean, even back in the day when I was a personal trainer. Like, I have worked with a lot of people, I've worked with thousands, hundreds of thousands of women online, and we all use that word.
Like, we all say, "I'm stuck." But I want you to know, I mean, thank you for clicking on this podcast, we are actually talking about a very specific kind of stuck today. So having given you the apology for the title, let me tell you what we're really truly talking about, because there's a very particular kind of stuck that I want to help you out with today.
You are either struggling to do [00:02:00] something towards your goal or your, you know, your big goals, and it's not getting done. Like, one of your daily tasks, like you're asking yourself to do a very specific thing because you know that, hey, you know, if I've got this goal of weight loss or writing a book or starting a business or running a marathon or whatever your goal is, there are things that you want to be doing, if not necessarily every day, at least, let's say, regularly or consistently with zero judgment on what that word actually means.
Some version of more than one time. There is something that you want to be doing at least occasionally, and you just kind of find yourself not doing it. Or, or in that same vein, you're struggling to stop doing something. Like, you have some kind of a habit right now that you are indeed doing regularly, doing consistently, that you really wish you weren't.
That you know that if you could replace this habit with either something that is entirely [00:03:00] unlike it or just a little bit of a tweak to it so that you could be doing the things that you want to be doing, th- that way you could get your goal. So you're either struggling to do something and it's not getting done, or you're struggling to stop doing something that you wish you weren't doing, or, and this one is a little bit more generic, you're struggling to overall, like, get the results that you want.
And, uh, just kind of to the aside, I will tell you that that last one, the getting results, it generally speaking is a function of you're doing something that you wish you weren't doing some- that you wish you weren't doing, or you are wanting to do something that's not getting done. Generally speaking, that is why you are struggling to get results.
There's, there's also more to it that is a little bit more of a complex conversation and not really what I'm getting at today. What I want you to know, though, is that what's [00:04:00] going on with you when you notice this thing in your life, like, "Oh my gosh, I really wish I was doing this task," or, "I really wish I was not doing this other thing over here, and I can see how overall this is just not adding up to where I want to go with my big goals," you're coming to your journal looking for answers.
And first of all, let me commend you for that. Like, this, this is what we do around here. We journal, and we take our journal to the next level, and that's really where we're having this conversation today. Because what I see happening so, so often in my own brain and with so many of the women that I have worked with is that when you come to your journal looking for answers, you tend, I tend, we tend to ask ourselves a very specific question that does not serve us, and the question is any version [00:05:00] of the question why.
Why, if I want to be doing this thing, am I not doing it? Why, if I want to stop doing this thing, am I still doing it? Why am I not getting the results that I'm looking for? And here's the thing. On its surface, I mean, really, honestly, this is, like, a great question because you are looking for answers. Like, this is you coming to your journal saying, "I wanna understand myself.
I wanna understand what's going on here. I'm looking for a reason. I'm looking for what's going on." On its surface, this is fantastic work, and also, there is a subtle thing that's happening when you ask yourself a why question, and what that subtle thing is is that your brain, when faced with a why question, is looking for something or someone to assign [00:06:00] blame to.
And I'm gonna soften that by also saying that if not blame, because I know blame is a really big word, but, like, your brain is looking to assign responsibility. So when you're asking a question like, "Why didn't I sit down to write when I told myself I was going to?" Or, "Why do I keep going over my calories?"
Or, "Why am I procrastinating instead of, you know, posting about my business on social media?" When you ask yourself those why questions- Your brain is not looking for the objective, like factual, here's what's really happening in the world reason the way that you think it is. It's not answering your question the way you're asking it.
You're asking it because you've heard me talk about this, because you are a person who wants to understand yourself. You are looking for self-awareness. You are truly coming to your journal with curiosity, asking this why question, [00:07:00] but your brain is answering it in a way that is keeping you stuck by assigning blame or responsibility.
And just so we're very clear, this is what your brain is actually designed to do. Your brain evolved, like our brains as humans evolved, to both ask and answer questions. So when you ask your brain a question, this is why journaling prompts work so well. I mean, this is why my job as a coach is to ask questions, because when you are asking yourself a question or when you are asked a question, your brain answers it.
And what I want to gently and lovingly point out to you is that your brain is not answering you with facts. It sounds like it is. It always does. Your brain, this is confirmation bias at work, your brain always sounds like it's telling you the answer as opposed to [00:08:00] an answer, like one of the things that could be going on.
So the, the subconscious problem here is that asking yourself a why question inside your journal feels really productive. Like you, you hear an answer immediately. It sounds and feels like curiosity. You have come to your journal with this question with an open heart looking for self-awareness and understanding, so it feels amazing.
You are finding these lifelong patterns of behavior in yourself or other people. You can see all of the dots connecting, the stars aligning. Like, you can see it all. It feels super productive to ask yourself a why question and then just let the answers pour out onto the page. Like, on its surface, you've really gotten what you came for when [00:09:00] you come to your journal with a why question.
You hear an answer. The problem, the actual conscious problem though, is that because your brain, when faced with a why question, is assigning some kind of responsibility or blame, your answer very often feels terrible. Like when you ask yourself, you know, "Why am I not losing weight? Why can't I find more clients?
Why can't I just sit my butt in the chair and finish this book?" And then the answer is some version of, "Well, because you're just always gonna overeat," or, "Because nobody likes you," or, "Because you're lazy." Like, when you answer that question with blame, judgment, responsibility, whatever word you wanna use, some version of assigning a reason, and it's generally speaking yours, that feels awful.
And also kind of to the [00:10:00] aside, what very frequently happens here, because it feels so awful, is that we'll then ask ourselves another why question. Like, "Well then, if it's because I'm overeating, then why am I overeating?" And then, "Well, if it's because I was raised to, you know, have a snack after dinner while I'm watching TV, and that feels really relaxing to me, well, why did I do that?
Well, because my parents taught me that." There is some end point to the why question, and it's when you can finally blame somebody or something outside of you. Your brain is always looking for pleasure instead of pain, so you can unintentionally get yourself in this loop of asking why questions over and over and over until you get out of it by saying, "Oh, it's somebody else's responsibility or fault or blame, and [00:11:00] therefore, well, now I have an answer, and I, it's not out of- it's not in my control anymore.
It's because this is just the way things are." Consciously, when you start looking for this, you will notice how it feels, in some level, very pleasurable to ask yourself a why question. It feels very productive. It feels like you are really getting somewhere, and also simultaneously, because you will loop in that blame, shame, responsibility until it gets outside of you, you are really very much, I mean metaphorically here, spinning your wheels.
You are keeping yourself, and I say this without blame, stuck by asking the why questions. And I do [00:12:00] have an actual solution for you. I have a solution that I think you will be delighted to hear because I was delighted when I finally understood what I was getting out of this. I spent a lot of years asking myself why questions.
I still do, and again, uh, my job as your coach is to ask you questions. I very frequently, anytime I am working with clients, I very frequently ask why, for the purpose of understanding that the why question is only step one. It is getting access to your thoughts. Step two is understanding and doing this thing that I'm about to tell you, but understanding that every single thing you are answering is a thought.
Step two, my friend, is to take the answers that you [00:13:00] hear and look at them metacognitively. Now, this is the part of the podcast where I'm gonna talk in a little bit of journaling jargon, and I want you to know that if the word metacognitive is brand new to you, I have a masterclass that talks all about the kind of journaling that actually helps you rewire your brain for success.
There are three different types. One of them is future self, one of them is metacognitive, and that's what we're talking about today, and one of them is success. I have a free masterclass that goes into depth. I mean, I say depth, it goes into depth, meaning that it explains exactly what's going on with your brain right now, how to rewire your brain, and also it explains this to you in 23 minutes.
And if you are like me and you like to listen to things on 1.25 or one and a half speed, it's even faster than that. I have the masterclass for free for you so that you can watch it as many times as you want to. Once you sign up for it once, you'll have the link, it's [00:14:00] available to you. Watch it again and again.
I actually just recently re-watched my own masterclass. I literally do this for a living, and I got another layer of understanding out of it. The thing that we do around here, my friends, is we go deeper and we level up. Like simultaneously, at the same time, we take your journaling deeper so that we can level up your self-awareness, your self-understanding, so that you can get your goals.
In short, metacognitive journaling is, it's a, it's a skill you're born with. You have the ability as a human being, we have evolved to be able to see our thoughts as thoughts. And. We are not taught how to do so. Like, we have this skill. We can come up and out of our thoughts, and also we almost never do.
Like, we go around in our lives really believing everything we're thinking because it's in our heads, and because, I mean, that [00:15:00] is, that is the greater portion of our brain has not evolved w- to use metacognitive thinking, that we simply react. You have a thought, it creates a feeling, it drives be- your feeling drives be- your behavior, and, you know, then we get results in the world.
Like, that is how your brain automatically functions. But we have this non-automatic ability to actually see our thoughts as thoughts, and that, my friend, is the crucial step here that takes you out of the blame, the responsibility, if you like that word better, and it sounds better, but also blame and responsibility is still some version of judgment of yourself.
And what I am really offering you here is that metacognitive journaling, looking at your thought as a thought for the purpose of understanding that this thought could be the thing that is [00:16:00] holding you back. This thought is creating a result in your life that is a direct reflection of the words you are saying to yourself, and the reason you keep saying that to yourself is because of the feeling that it creates.
And the way to break yourself free from all of that and get unstuck is to feel your feelings. Like- Ta-da. It's like magic when you actually understand this. When I, when I first really, truly felt the power of metacognitive journaling, of understanding that my thoughts are thoughts, and that it is the emotional resonance, my feelings keeping me stuck, I wanted to do metacognitive journaling on everything.
I wrote an entire book about it because I was so thrilled with it. Like, it felt like the key that unlocked every door I didn't even know was in front of me, and it's why I offer it to you with [00:17:00] so much enthusiasm. All you have to do is find your thoughts and feel your feelings. Yay. And it is both that simple and also that complex, and here's really what I want you to know about this.
Metacognitive journaling is a skill that takes practice. It's why I offer the masterclass that I do. The Daily Three Masterclass, again, watch it. Watch it more than once. Watch it as many times as it takes until it really, truly makes sense to you and is something that you can implement. And, I mean, if you are looking for help with implementation, I have, I have guided journaling.
I have a membership. This is what we do. I am here to help you with the step two. Step one, asking yourself why, honestly, honestly, I think that comes so easily and so naturally to you. It's why you open... It's why. I heard it. It's why you [00:18:00] open up your journal and ask some version of that question. We all come to our journals looking to understand ourselves, and also with that little bit of seeking pleasure, seeking the dopamine hit of having an answer, a blame, a shame, a responsibility, somebody, something that is the reason why.
I mean, you feel how lovely that feels, right? When you know why. I love to know why, and also, and also I love to see that the why that I am telling myself is just a thought, especially when it feels bad. Because, my friend, when something feels bad, uncomfortable, unpleasant, like blame or judgment- That is a thought that is stopping you from getting your goal.
That is a thought that is keeping you [00:19:00] stuck. And around here, I don't want you to be stuck. I don't want you to get those generic ads from me on Facebook, which I don't run Facebook ads anymore. But I tell you what, as a, as a copywriter, it is... It has no nature. It felt incredibly difficult to ask any question that wasn't some version of, "Do you feel stuck?"
Because we all do, and here is why. We are asking ourselves a why question without doing step two. When you ask yourself a why question, ask yourself that question for the purpose of hearing your thoughts. A why question is a fantastic doorway into your brain to be able to hear all of the things that you are telling yourself about yourself.
And then, and then take it to the next level, my friend. Take your journaling deeper [00:20:00] and level up so you can get your goal. Understand that the why question is only step one. The next step is to see your answer as a thought and feel the feeling that it creates so that you can release yourself from it and move forward.
My friend, I hope this was helpful for you today. Go watch the masterclass, even if you've watched it before. Honestly, even if you've watched it before, go watch it again. Really hear again what this work is and what it has for you. This is how we rewire your brain for success so you can get what you want.
Thank you so much for listening. I'll talk to you again soon. No matter where you are on your goal-getting journey, I'm here to help. Get started by watching the free Daily 3 Masterclass to learn [00:21:00] the simple journaling framework that rewires your brain for success. Move forward with confidence at your pace with one of my goal-specific guided journaling experiences.
And when you're ready for immersive exploration with fellow travelers just like you, you belong in the Get Your Goal membership. Find it all and join the adventure at getyourgoal.com.
