A couple of years ago, I lost weight for the last time. And I can state that with confidence, even though I’ve only been maintaining for a few years, because while I was losing weight, I experienced three really big mindset shifts that forever changed the way I think about my body, my weight, and myself. So today, I’m sharing with you the three biggest mindset shifts I made to lose weight in my 50s.
Before we get into what the mindset shifts were, I want to spend a quick minute clarifying what a “mindset shift” even is, how you know you’ve had one, and why forcing it doesn’t work.
Mindset is basically just another word for belief or beliefs. Which is basically just another way of saying a thought or collection of thoughts that you’ve been practicing subconsciously and maybe haven’t challenged.
We all have beliefs we’ve never looked at! And that’s why mindset work is such a crucial part of weight loss. Right now, you have beliefs about losing weight that are holding you back, and any time you want to, you can simply challenge them and SHIFT to a different belief.
And here’s how you’ll know you’ve done that: you’ll FEEL different.
This is why forcing yourself to just THINK something different doesn’t change you – that’s only half of the equation. In order to get different results in your life, you need to think and feel differently.
And with that in mind, let me share the three biggest mindset shifts I made to lose weight in my 50s, by telling you not just what I thought that was different, but how I felt that changed everything.
BIG SHIFT Number One: From “I can’t” to “I can, but I might choose not to.”
When I first started perimenopause, I had the usual symptoms of heightened anxiety and irregular periods. Then as the years went on, I also picked up excessively heavy periods, headaches, and intermittent, unexplainable fatigue.
Where my body used to run like clockwork, it started to seem really unreliable. When I would get up in the morning, I didn’t know what I’d have the energy for during the day.
And I noticed myself thinking things like, “I can’t run the way I used to,” and “I can’t work out the way I used to,” and “I can’t do what I want,” and “I can’t do anything the way I used to.” All day long my head was filled with “can’t”s, and they all felt like brick walls.
I’d been sort of vaguely aware of it with regard to exercising, but I woke up and really heard it when I was losing weight. Almost every day, rolling around in my head on repeat was the belief, the mindset, of “I can’t lose weight,” along with a collection of corollary thoughts like “I can’t eat the way I used to,” “I can’t eat what I want,” “I can’t eat as much as I want to,” and the all-encompassing, “I can’t have what I want!”
But here’s the thing about being a weight loss coach, as well as a life coach: as soon as I actually heard those thoughts, I recognized them as being untrue. As a human being with a human body, I – and you – CAN lose weight. That’s just how biology works!
So I set out to change this mindset. First, I went to my journal and found all the “I can’t” thoughts – there were dozens of them! Anything that had to do with my weight, my body, eating, exercising, drinking enough water, my metabolism, getting sleep, taking care of myself, and getting older ALL had so many “I can’t” thoughts associated with them.
I took the time here to notice and sit with the feelings those thoughts created. “I can’t” in almost every instance, felt very powerless, sad, and heavy. My shoulders drooped, there was a sinking feeling in my stomach, and tension in my jaw.
Shifting into the mindset of “I can, but I might choose not to” felt completely different. Powerful, in control, and spacious.
I can lose weight, but I might choose not to.
I can eat the way I used to, but I might choose not to.
I can exercise the way I want to, but I might choose not to.
I can stay up late, but I might choose not to.
Shifting my mindset out of “I can’t” and into “I can, but I might choose not to” completely changed the trajectory of my weight loss. Instead of feeling like a victim to my changing body, I knew the decisions when, how, and how much weight to lose were all mine to make.
BIG SHIFT Number Two: From “Menopause sucks” to “This is what my body is supposed to do.”
Menopause is weird, isn’t it? One day, you’re just… you. And the next day, you’re having hot flashes and mood swings and gaining weight and everything just SUCKS. And not only does that feel incredibly true for you, but you can get lots of corroboration from pretty much every woman over 50.
But here’s the thing: the mindset that menopause sucks doesn’t serve you, because it feels bad.
Right around the same time as I was noticing a lot of “I can’t” thoughts, I also found myself blaming menopause for everything that was going wrong in my life.
“Menopause sucks!” was like a daily mantra for me. If I couldn’t think of the word I was trying to say in the middle of my sentence, “Ugh! Menopause sucks!” If I was more tired than usual or feeling out of sorts, “Ugh! Menopause sucks!” If my body wasn’t behaving the way I wanted it to, “Ugh! Menopause sucks!” And of course, when I gained weight while eating the same and exercising the same as I’d been doing for the last ten years, “Ugh! Menopause sucks!”
When I was ready to shift this mindset, I came to my journal, of course, to find my thoughts and feel if they were helpful. It turned out that the thought “Menopause sucks” felt ANGRY. It was hot and tight and clenched and twisted inside of me.
But shifting into “This is what my body is supposed to do” felt generous and understanding.
There’s plenty of scientific evidence that the menopause transition is accompanied, for most women, by physical and emotional symptoms. It’s a biological fact that all women who have experienced menses will eventually go through menopause.
Menopause isn’t an anomaly or a medical condition any more than puberty was – it’s just your body doing what it was designed to do.
Shifting out of the “Menopause sucks” mindset and into “This is what my body is supposed to do” immediately changed my relationship with losing weight in my 50s. Instead of blaming biology for ruining everything, I realized that I could work with Mother Nature instead of against her.
Which leads me to BIG SHIFT Number Three: From “Losing weight is harder over 50” to “Losing weight is different over 50.”
Let’s be clear here: the things you used to do to lose weight in your 20s, 30s, and 40s are significantly less effective now that you’re in your 50s, 60s, or 70s. Eating less and moving more is not only not the solution, it’s actually the problem!
Your body is less efficient than it used to be when you were younger, so it needs more precise care to operate. Rather than slashing your calories down to near-starvation levels, your menopausal body needs to be in a slight caloric deficit. And rather than cranking up the cardio for hours on end, your body at this age requires a delicate balance of work and recovery.
So, yeah, it’s pretty easy to fall into that “Losing weight is harder over 50” mindset trap, because now it requires more attention and effort on your part.
I hadn’t thought about my weight or how much I was eating or how much I was exercising in years before menopause came along. And I LOVED my routine. I didn’t want to change it! I wanted to keep doing exactly what I was doing – you know, the things that had actually made me gain weight – and just magically lose the weight with no further effort on my part.
It was hard. And I kept telling myself that, right up until I realized that losing weight wasn’t going to get easier by complaining about it.
When I was ready to shift this mindset, I started in my journal, just like I teach you here on the podcast and the way we take it on a deep dive inside the Get Your GOAL membership, and it became really clear right away that the thought, “Losing weight is harder over 50” felt burdensome to me.
It was heavy, and dull, and like a solid weight right in my chest and stomach.
But shifting into “Losing weight is different over 50” created curiosity and interest.
When I was a kid, my favorite page in the newspaper was the one with “Dear Abby” and the horoscope and the puzzles. Word Jumble was pretty fun, and I liked the Cryptogram but I wasn’t especially good at it, and later I enjoyed doing Sudoku. But my all time favorite was Hocus Focus – the spot the difference puzzle.
I love figuring out what’s different between two things!
So shifting out of the “Losing weight is harder over 50” mindset and into “Losing weight is different over 50” helped me lose weight right away. Suddenly it wasn’t a burden to change my habits, it was just a puzzle to solve.
Like, “Here are the five things I’m in control of – my mindset, my calories, my water, my sleep, and my exercise – so how can I Tetris them around in such a way that I’ll lose the weight I want?”
And the answer for me personally was that I actually needed to eat a little more than I had been and exercise a little less. Which was easy when I stopped telling myself that it was hard.
Losing weight in your 50s and beyond and keeping it off for the rest of your life will require you to shift your mindset. Right now you have thoughts and beliefs that aren’t helping you lose weight you want. But you can shift out of your unhelpful mindset and into the thoughts, beliefs and feelings that will take you directly to your goal weight.
Thanks for listening today. I’ll talk to you again soon!
