Welcome to the Get Your Goal podcast, the place where ambitious, deep-thinking women chart their own course, exploring the mindset, emotions, and daily practices that help you get your goal your way by being unapologetically you. I'm your host, Pahla B, master certified life and goal coach and creator of the Daily 3 journaling framework.
On this podcast, you'll learn to navigate your unique path to success by using the most powerful tool in your kit, your own internal compass. Ready for the adventure? Let's go. Hello friend. Today we are talking about why it is taking such a long time to get your goal. And I want you to know that I am no stranger to this particular dilemma.
In fact, today I'm going to be sharing a couple of different stories about times when it has taken me a long time to get my goals, too. I understand what this feels like when you're doing all the things [00:01:00] that you're supposed to be doing, like you- you're sitting your butt in the chair to write your book, or you're tracking your calories, or you're posting on social media for your business, or you're clocking those miles to get your running goal.
But for some reason, it seems like it's just taking so long to get the results that you want, and you are maybe teetering on the edge right now of trying to decide if it's time to quit. And I want you to know that it is definitely not time to quit, because I do actually have a solution for you. Now, I wanna have a quick conversation about how I am not telling you that there's anything wrong with it taking time to get your goal.
I am not telling you that speed-- I mean, unless we're talking about running and your goal is speed, I'm not telling you that speed is, you know, the- the be-all and the end-all. I am definitely not promising you that when you, you know, use the [00:02:00] solution that I'm offering you, that, oh, all of a sudden, everything is going to be faster and easier.
No, that is actually not what I'm talking about. Today, what we're really talking about is just this sense of not making progress the way that you want to, and I have a solution to help you be able to understand your timeline and understand what feels so frustrating right now. Because here's, here's my story, in fact, a couple of them, about times when it has taken me, I'm gonna use the phrase a long time to get my goals.
Many years ago, it actually took me nine months to lose seven pounds, and I, I gave myself a lot of grief about that at the time while I felt like there was just no way [00:03:00] it should be taking me so darn long to be losing such a small amount of weight. It took me seven years to, and 12 marathons, to finally create the Boston qualifying marathon that I had been wanting for ever since I started running.
It took me- I'm gonna say three years to write my first book, and that's not entirely true, because I actually have been wanting to write a book since I was a kid. So technically speaking, it took me 40-plus years to write my first book. And, and here's what we're actually gonna be talking about, I am currently...
I've been saying currently writing my second book for quite some time now. Actually, no, it took me a couple of years before I would even admit that I was currently writing my second book. Now I've been saying, "Oh, I'm currently writing my second book," and it's still taking me, uh, let's say, a long time. It has been just over three years since my first [00:04:00] book was published, and it's gonna be a while yet until my second book comes out.
And, and I happen to know that I have more books inside of me than just these two. In fact, I have several more that are kind of mentally in the works. So why in the world is it taking me, and you, so long to get these goals? And actually, even before we talk about that, let's talk about what you're actually doing right now, because you're looking around, and you know that it's taking you a long time, much like me, and so what you're doing, in addition to, you know, the, the tasks, the things that you're doing, is that you're trying really hard to just stay positive.
This is something that I am working through myself. I know, I know for a fact that this idea of staying positive does nothing for your actual [00:05:00] mindset. I have a... Oh my God, I have a podcast from Oh, when was that? That has to have been, like, 2019 or 2020, maybe '21 at the most recent. Like, it's years ago at this point.
I will see if I can find the actual podcast. If I can find it, if I can lay my hands on it relatively quickly, I'll have a link for you in the show notes or the description, depending on where you're watching or listening. But I vividly remember recording this one podcast m- many years ago at this point, where I was talking about, "Hey, stop staying positive."
Like, it's not doing what you think it's doing. And if I had to guess, I have almost the same advice in that podcast that I have here. Here's the thing, staying positive is one of the things that all of us try very hard to do, especially those of us who were socialized to, you know, turn that frown upside down or not show any kind of negative emotion.
The... I mean, as women, we [00:06:00] definitely get socialized to put on a happy face, put on a brave face, to pretend like everything's okay, to try and stay positive instead of acknowledging what's going on, which is not entirely my advice today. But anyways, the other things that we do, we tell ourselves that, "Well, these things take time," and then we try and tell ourselves to be patient or give ourselves grace or be okay with, you know, we're still figuring it all out.
And you can hear my singsong voice when I'm telling you this, that this is not really us acknowledging our true emotions when we are telling ourselves these sorts of things. And there's also the, the back half of this where we're just judging ourselves or berating ourselves for how long it's taking.
And I want you to know that there is something in between both of these, that you do not have to, you know, shove your emotions down and put on a [00:07:00] happy face and stay positive and tell yourself that it takes time and you're figuring it out. You also do not have to be mean to yourself and judge yourself for how long it's taking.
What you can do instead is this solution that I'm gonna offer you today, where you recognize that you're focusing a lot on the tasks, but you're not actually feeling into and paying attention to your goal. Now, quick definition of terms here, because this is something that I notice a lot in the women that I work with.
We use those words Kind of arbitrarily. In fact, I'm gonna say that almost nobody uses the word tasks until I teach them the concept that I'm about to go over here with you. We very frequently talk about our goals. Uh, if you are willing to use that word, that's a different conversation. But if you are willing to use the word goal, you very frequently...
In [00:08:00] fact, I'm gonna take away the word you. I have seen lots of women, this may or may not be you, but I have seen lots of women talk about their goals in terms of what they're going to do today. Oh, today's goal is to drink all my water. Today's goal is to write 500 words. Today's goal is to, you know, post on social media about my business, to do some marketing.
And I want you to know that that is not actually your goal. You could use that word in terms of here's this thing that I want to accomplish today, but what I will tell you is that the way that I talk about goals and the concept that I wanna offer you here, the definition that I wanna offer you here, is that your goal is a completed thing.
Like, it is the finish line. It is the big picture of what you want, and it's not even necessarily the thing. Your goal [00:09:00] is Is a combination of the thing that you want, the feeling that you want to have, and the person that you want to be who has that goal. It's much more than just an action, a thing, a task.
Let me offer you the definition of that. A task is the thing that you're doing right now. A task is actually even some of the, the progressive things that you are doing in order to get to your goal. Your goal is the completed end product, the result, the overall, overarching finished product of what you want.
The task or tasks are the things that you are doing on your way there, and this is the solution that I actually have for you, is to [00:10:00] understand that you're focusing a lot on your tasks, but you're paying very little attention unintentionally to your goal. Now, I have actually talked about this on the podcast before.
The irony of me knowing all of this stuff and still being in the middle of it is not lost on me, but I really do offer you with some frequency this picture of me still being in the muddle in the middle with you while understanding how to work through it. I don't ever want you to think that I have it all figured out, that it's all so easy for me, that it all comes so quickly for me.
No, no. It still takes me a long time to get my goals, too. And because I understand what is going on and how to move through it, it's maybe a scooch faster for me maybe, and actually even more so than faster, what I'm not doing here in the muddle in the [00:11:00] middle is spending any time judging myself and spending that time berating myself or the thing that I definitely do not want for you is telling myself that it's never gonna work and I should just quit now.
I never, ever want to offer you that quitting unless you want to quit, unless you actually really truly move on from a goal. I want you to know that you can have everything you want, and the amount of time that it's taking is related to this thing that you can do, which is to say Actually spend time in that feeling of your goal.
This is one of the, the types of journaling that I offer you with the Daily 3 framework, which is my proprietary journaling framework, formula, method that really helps rewire your brain for [00:12:00] success. The truth of it is that here in the muddle in the middle, we are spending so much time thinking and overthinking about our tasks that your brain is hardwired to continue creating what it is already creating.
So this focus that we spend on our tasks keeps us stuck in our tasks. But inside the Daily 3 framework, which I have a free master class, it takes about 23 minutes to watch or, and/or listen. There's a link for it in the show notes or the description. I explain how you can rewire your brain for success by actually tapping into three different things, types of journaling, and the one that we're talking about here today is called future self journaling, meaning that you spend literally a minute simply basking in the feeling of [00:13:00] who you will be, how you will feel, and what it will be like to have your goal.
Not that constant, what am I doing today, the to-do list, the churning, the spinning, the thinking about the tasks to get there, but actually basking in the finish line, being there at the end of what it will be like to have your goal. Now, you can hear the difference when I am talking about writing a book that is very clearly focused on the task, the writing, the doing, as opposed to the goal.
My goal, by the way I, I ha- This came to me as though in a dream some time ago, and I don't know if I've actually said it out loud here on the podcast. My goal is to be the author of seven self-help books. Why seven? I have no [00:14:00] idea. Apparently, I like odd numbers. This is, this is a theme in my life that I'm not gonna delve into right this second, but I mean, it does kinda make sense.
Like, my, my birthday is all odd numbers. I like odd numbers. I'm... I consider myself a little odd just in general. So, so here we are with The Daily 3. When I used to be a weight loss coach, I had the 5-0 method. Now I'm telling you that I'm going to be the author of seven self-help books. Why seven? Because. But here's the thing about the difference between pretending like my goal is I am writing a book.
You can hear that's focused on the task of writing, but the actual goal I have is to be the author of seven self-help books. Here's what that actually looks like and feels like and is for me The idea of being an author of seven self-help books feels very [00:15:00] much like having a legacy. It feels like having a shelf of books with my name on it.
There's an element of confidence. There's an element of pride. There's an element of knowing that I have put my work out in the world to be helpful and useful for other people. There's that feeling of legacy, knowing that long after I am done with the, the business part of my business, that part where I'm doing the work every day and thinking about that, churning the tasks, that my books will still be available.
That long after I'm gone even, that my books will still be useful and helpful for somebody that I don't even know. The kind of person who is capable and has written seven self-help books is somebody who feels good [00:16:00] about what they are offering, somebody who feels capable of offering themselves, their ideas to the world, is capable of putting out their work into the world.
There's an amount of visibility. There's, there's a person that I would like to become who has that kind of legacy, that kind of skill, that kind of vulnerability, that kind of offer, that kind of generosity for the world, that she has written seven self-help books. That's my goal. The writing is a task. The creating of the books, joyful, fun.
I-- It's something I'm actually, well, not currently always enjoying. Again, I'm in the middle, in the middle. I've still got some mindset blocks about how this is all gonna work out for me, and, and that is why, on [00:17:00] the day-to-day basis, I can personally get so focused on the task, get so focused on either judging myself for how long it's taking or spinning in What am I going to do?
That questioning, that self-doubt. But when I take that moment every day inside my journal... Actually, not even inside my journal. Let me clarify that one for you very quickly because I, I do know, I am aware that when I talk about journaling, when I say, "Hey, I'm a journaling expert. Here's how you can journal for your goals," that it sounds very much like I'm asking you to write.
The irony not lost on me here. Again, so much irony in this podcast. But what I'm telling you is that it's not always about writing. In fact, the Daily 3 framework is about writing and imagining and feeling into your goals, feeling your way out of your [00:18:00] mindset blocks, and feeling your current success because that is what actually rewires your brain.
Spoiler alert, it's not just writing. It's using your brain and your body together, and I have the method for you to help you get started in this work so that you can get your goals, so that you can rewire your brain for success, so that you can start working on not just focusing on the tasks, but actually feeling your way into your goal.
My friend, here's the thing. Your efficient brain will continue to unintentionally focus on the tasks until you ask it to take a look at and focus and feel your goal, the finished product. But when you do, here's what will become available to you. Even just this little bit of [00:19:00] talking to you on the podcast about my goal versus my tasks, I could totally feel my body shift away from that, that churning, that chasing, that I'm still missing this thing in my life and I have to do these things to go get it, and into the, the calmness, that feeling of being grounded and solid and confident and focused.
When I started imagining while I was talking to you about having that shelf of books, the feeling inside my body changed. This is the magic that actually takes you to your goal. The truth of it is your brain does not know where it's going until your body can produce the feeling of that thing Because you are [00:20:00] drawn, like naturally, biologically towards pleasure and away from pain, feeling the pleasure of having your goal, even before you've created it in the world, is the thing that draws you to it.
When I spend this time in my brain and my body feeling my goal I'm, I'm thinking about exactly how I wanna say this because again, I am still in the muddle in the middle. I do still have some judgment, I do still have some mindset blocks, I do still have that thing where I'm like, "Well, I'm figuring it out."
But the more I practice the feelings of having my goal, the more I'm noticing myself during the day willing to take a look at the tasks, willing to look beyond this idea of trying to stay positive, [00:21:00] or willing to move through the judgment. Having that moment of clarity, that moment of feeling, that moment of vision of yourself in the future is the thing that can help it take slightly less long on your way to your goal.
My friend, go watch the masterclass to really dive in and get this information to help you get started journaling with your brain and your body so that you can get your goal. Thank you so, so much for listening today. I'll talk to you again soon. No matter where you are on your goal-getting journey, I'm here to help.
Get started by watching the free Daily 3 Masterclass to learn the simple journaling framework that rewires your brain for success. Move forward with confidence at your pace with one of my goal-specific [00:22:00] guided journaling experiences. And when you're ready for immersive exploration with fellow travelers just like you, you belong in the Get Your Goal membership.
Find it all and join the adventure at getyourgoal.com.
