Ep. 313: Weight Loss Q&A with Pahla B

Ready to change your mind about weight loss? Grab The 5-0 Method to lose all the weight you want and keep it off forever.

We’re diving into the world of weight loss, and answering YOUR questions – it’s a weight loss Q&A with Pahla B! Listen now for mindset-shifting advice on dealing with discouragement, re-thinking a recent weight gain, managing emotional eating, and more.

On this episode of the Get Your GOAL podcast (which is a replay of a recent *live* Q&A session), we’re debunking calorie counting myths and addressing menopausal challenges with practical, doable advice for your weight loss journey.

Along the way, I answered questions about the importance of journaling, managing emotions, and changing your mindset about food. Because weight loss is not just about mechanical body changes, but also about shifting your thought patterns and beliefs.

Join me for this enlightening, insightful episode that’s sure to help you achieve your weight loss goal. Don’t miss it!

Note: The GYG Podcast will be released on Thursdays in the near future. Stay tuned!


Hello, hello, GOALfriend. Welcome to episode number 313. You guys, this one's coming out on a weird day. It's Thursday. What's up with that? Well, well, okay. Let me just go ahead and give you a special announcement. The podcast is going to be moving not immediately, but soon to Thursday. So this is kinda like a little trial run. Plus, also, I just got out of the best q and a session that I have had in such a long time. We covered it all. We covered when to adjust your calories, emotional eating, how to eat and know what you're doing when you're out of your normal routine, and my favorite thing. How to know that this is really the last time that you are losing weight? And I was so excited to share this with you that the podcast is coming out on a Thursday this week and and coming soon. It's gonna start coming out on Thursdays all the time, but I'll tell you all about that next week. You guys, in the meantime, enjoy this fantastic q and a. We are live. Oh my gosh. You guys, come on in. So good to see you all coming in. If you could do me a real quick favor and make sure that you can see me and hear me. Yes. I got thumbs up on. You guys are so awesome. You knew I was gonna ask that first. Thank you so much. I I was running coaching calls yesterday in the Get Your Goal membership group, and for whatever reason, I was just having technical difficulty after technical I know it was no. It wasn't all Zoom. I'm sure some of it was user error, but I just I'm I literally am nervous this morning. Like, my microphone's gonna cut out or my camera's gonna cut out or my Internet's gonna cut out. Like, I never worry about this stuff, but today, it felt like a very real thing that could actually happen. So I'm glad you can see me. I'm glad you can hear me. Come on in while you guys are getting settled. I am gonna figure out I'm I'm gonna figure out my own self here as one does. I am gonna introduce myself, actually, just in case you're new. Some of you might be, some of you might not be, some of you might be old like me, but, hey, if we haven't met before, I am Paula b. I am the head coach at the Get Your Goal membership group. I am also the host of the Get Your Goal podcast and the author of the Amazon best selling book, Mind Over Menopause. I am a weight loss life coach for women over 50, and I still have to be so careful to, like, get all of those words in there together. I know a lot about weight loss, I know a lot about life coaching, and what that means for you if you have never had the Pleasure of working with a weight loss life coach before. It means that you are here today at this q and a, and you're going to ask me a question about calories, And I'm going to respond with an answer about your mindset because my friend, here is how we lose weight over 50. Number 1, we believe that we can. Number 2, we eat in a slight caloric deficit over time and number 3, we support our metabolism lovingly because frankly it has changed with menopause. Knowing that that number one thing, believe that you can. How did you react when I said that? Did that feel like, oh, I totally believe I can lose weight or Yeah. No. You know what? I've noticed that it's a little bit harder, it's a little bit different, and I'm not really so sure I can anymore. I know. Me too. And that is exactly why I became a weight loss life coach. I I've gained and lost weight so many times in my life that I really did not think I ever struggled to lose weight. I knew I could lose weight, but I really didn't think I could keep it off. And then and then after I had lost, gained and lost gained and lost gained and lost all those times when I was younger. I gained a little bit of weight in my very late forties, We'll we'll call it my early fifties, but it was my very late forties. And all of a sudden, it was different. Things had changed. My body had changed. All the things that I had done before Didn't work the same way. I understood the mechanics. I understood the science. I felt very very clear about what to do, but what I wasn't clear on with what was going on in my brain. This was right about the same time that I had discovered, like like one discovers something that's been around for decades, But I discovered life coaching and self help, self development work, I understood a little bit about mindset And how it works, kind of, but I had never quite applied it to weight loss the way I did in my very late forties slash very early fifties. All of a sudden, I heard all those thoughts rattling around in there about how I should eat less. I should really I'm probably eating too much. You know what? I should probably exercise more even though it's exercising a fun. I should probably I should probably just, like, like, really restrict myself. I should probably go on a diet. I should probably stop eating dessert. I should probably do these things. And yet, the thing that was truly holding me back was simply this idea that my body was different that I didn't know what to do anymore. That thought, that mindset that everything is different and I don't know what to do and I felt like such a victim to it, was actually the thing that was holding me back. So my friends, that's what we're gonna do today. Gonna talk about whatever is on your mind, I'm gonna help you work through your weight loss conundrums and I promise you, they are all mindset conundrums. So you guys, let's get to the questions. I can see that you already have some fantastic questions. Let me start with Karen says, hi, Paula. So excited to be here. Me too. Can you address the calorie component in the five factors? Have a hard time wrapping my head around just adding a 0 to my current weight. I totally understand that, you guys, this is so counterintuitive basically everything we've ever heard. The truth of it is that a long, long, long time ago, in fact, oh my gosh, I just read this, The 1200 calories thing to lose weight, somebody, somewhere came up with that in, like, 19 forties. So if you want to think about how different life was 80 years ago, people, in general, were a little bit smaller, like, shorter. People in general were a little bit smaller, like, smaller, meaning that that 1200 calories, First of all, wasn't ever ever right for everybody, but may have been slightly more correct for people in the 19 forties because they were smaller. Here's how calories work. Calories is just another word for energy. We have we take energy in, in the form of food and drinks, And then we expend energy in the form of every single thing that we do all day long. Meaning, things like actually exercising, but also just things like talking, moving your hands while you talk, sitting on the couch and reading. Your body is doing billions of processes every single minute of every single day, including things like growing your hair and your nails, your heart pumping, your lungs breathing, all of the various pancreas goings on. Every single process in your body needs energy. And the larger you are, meaning the taller you are, or the bigger you are, or even the more muscles or muscle mass You have, the more energy your body needs to be able to pump the blood all the way through your body, to be able to oxygenate that blood all the way through your body, To be able to filter all of the things that your well, your pancreas doesn't filter, does it? The pancreas does something. I'm not entirely clear. I got a little beyond myself there. My point being, your body needs energy based on your size, which means that there is never a such a thing as 1 calorie number that's going to work for weight loss for everybody. Your calorie target really is based on you. When you when you read about calorie targets or when you use a calorie counting app. They will almost invariably start you at this, like, 1200 calorie number, but then they'll ask you questions. How old are you? How much do you weigh? How active are you? How active do you plan on being those sorts of things, and it will start to maneuver around that number. But here's the trick with most calorie counting apps. I can't say all because I honestly haven't tried them all. I've tried probably half a dozen, maybe an entire dozen, but I haven't tried them all. They allow you to eat back your exercise calories, which means that they start you with a really low number, but then they ask you, what are you doing? Or, like, in the case of, say, like, a Fitbit or some kind of, tracker, it will simply take note of what you've been doing during the day, how many steps you've taken how high your heart rate has gotten, things like that, and it will assign an approximate, you know, calorie burn that you then get to eat back, Which means that well, it means a lot of things. First of all, it means that your calorie counting app is it's guessing and it's probably inaccurate, and it's also based on most of them are based on algorithms that are designed for a 30 year old man. A 30 year old man is, generally speaking, going to be taller, bigger, fitter and have more muscle mass and also not be going through menopause. Here's the biggest change that happened when we went through menopause. Your body your body became a lot more sensitive to stress. Meaning, that all the things that we used to do, like, exercising more vigorously or just eating in a really steep caloric deficit. Those things were always stressful on your body, but now your body is, like, Yeah. I don't want that anymore. I used to be able to handle that and now it's exhausting. Like, it used to be a little tiresome and now, no thank you. So now what we have to do is eat in a calorie window that is a slight caloric deficit without being too steep of a caloric deficit. This really is the problem that most of us are trying to overcome, especially when we're using calorie counting apps Let's start us with this super low number. That number seems like, yeah, you know, that's probably right, but it's too low for those of us who are menopausal now. Your body doesn't like the stress of eating too little. This is truly the mindset challenge is to understand the science, to trust the science, and to gently listen to all the ways that your brain is just trying to spit back out at you, everything that you've heard over the last 50 plus years about weight loss and really understand that it doesn't apply to you anymore in so many ways. Really specifically, the move more and eat less doesn't work. So when you are trying to wrap your head around adding the 0, what I will offer you is this: don't go straight there, Like, really take the time to to hear all of the things your brain is telling you. If I had to guess, your brain is just saying something as simple as that's too much, if you eat that much, you won't lose weight. This, in case you haven't noticed it, feels like disbelief. That That disbelief is the thing that's gonna stop you from losing weight. Remember? Number 1, the number 1 driver of weight loss is believing that you can. So, where we start with this is we start with a number that actually feels believable, like truly believable. Do you know what believable feels like in your body? It's It feels, like, open and a little bit relaxed. Maybe maybe just that teeny tiny sliver of skepticism, like, well, we'll see, But I I really think, like, this is the number that's going to get me there. This is the number you start with. The science actually supports the adding the 0 to the end, it it truly does. That is the number that is very likely to work, but if it doesn't feel believable right now, it won't work because of because of this factor of not believing that it'll work. So we start with the number that feels believable. While we are eating that number that feels believable or that range that feels believable to you. Start to notice your body, start to notice your sensations, start to notice both hunger and more importantly satiety, start to notice how much energy you have. Start to notice the feelings, the emotions that you have when you're telling yourself things like, you know what? I really do think that this is gonna start to work. You know what? I really do think that my body can release this weight. You know what? I really do notice that I'm starting to feel a little bit more hungry than I ever thought I was before. Notice how you are talking to yourself, that mindset work, that believability work It's going to move you ever so gently towards the number that will actually help your body lose weight. So, hopefully, that was really helpful for you, Karen. Thank you so much asking that. Maureen says, what are your thoughts about incorporating intermittent fasting with the Fibo program? I have I have lots of thoughts, and none of them are as relevant as yours. Remember what I said? That you're gonna come here and you're gonna ask me a question about calories, and I'm gonna about your mindset. Here it is. My friends, I have opinions about intermittent fasting based on based on my habits and things that I enjoy. Most of the time, most people who talk about intermittent fasting talk about starting to eat later in the day, and then eating what is essentially lunch and dinner. The truth of it is you can do any kind of intermittent fasting that you want, and if you sleep at all, you actually already are doing an intermittent fasting. If you even sleep for, like, let's say 4 hours, technically speaking, that is still a fast. So, understand that You are already intermittent fasting, and if you like the idea of eating within a window, if that actually feels really generous and helpful and I'm gonna say in control, but not in a, like, in control in a tight squeezy way, but, like, oh, thank goodness. Here are some parameters that feel really comforting to me. Your brain your brain likes having choices, but it doesn't like having too many choices and for some of us, giving yourself some parameters, like, you know what, I'm not gonna start eating until this time and then I'm gonna stop eating at this time, That feels very comforting. If that kind of thinking feels very comforting for you, then absolutely help yourself to that parameter. What I'll offer you is that intermittent fasting in and of itself will not make you lose weight. The truth of it is that within any window of eating, like truly, any window of eating. You can either overeat or undereat. You still need to make sure that you are eating within your slight too when you are so discouraged that you don't know where to start. My friend, what I'll offer you is, of course, a mindset answer that discouraged is actually a feeling inside your body, and the way we generate feelings is from our thoughts. You don't get discouraged from a thing That is out in the world. You actually get discouraged because of a thought that you're having. And if I had to guess, it's something along the lines of, I don't think this is gonna work for me. I don't think I can lose weight. And really recognizing that that is a thought inside your brain, that it's an inside job. The truth of it is, the science supports that anybody can be a healthy weight. Truly, every single human body is capable of being a healthy weight. Now, does that mean it will be easy? Necessarily. Does that mean it'll be fast? Almost definitely not. Does that mean that you will be able to eat nothing but Twinkies all day every day for, you know, 247, three 65. I technically, if you're eating in a slight caloric deficit and you really believe that this is the way to go, yes, but also probably not. You can lose weight. What it will require of you is the belief work And the the gently massaging of your habits so that you can create for yourself sustainable habits that feel loving and generous to you that also simultaneously have you eating in a slight caloric deficit overtime. So my friend, the place to start is to really listen to what you're thinking about being able to lose weight. The science supports that you can and you can start moving towards belief I'm kinda grabbing on to that. You know? I have a human body. I really do. I know I do. I have I have some evidence that I have a human body, which means that my human body is capable of being a healthy weight. Everything else is figureoutable along the way. Thank you for asking that question. That was fantastic. Anonymous attendee says what if calories are not right for you? I I'm gonna guess that what you mean by this is that you don't like the idea of counting calories, and I absolutely respect that. What I will just is that what you find for yourself is a way of managing energy. Let's call it that. Because it's energy in, energy out. Energy comes from food and beverages. The way that we lose weight Number 1, believing that you can. Number 2, being in a energy deficit over time. Being able to monitor your energy in some manner is the key to knowing where you are in that either hitting your target or your slight deficit or your complete under deficit or your over target, managing your energy in a way that feels loving and generous and open to you doesn't necessarily mean counting calories. I use that phrase because it's very standardized. There are plenty of apps and Googles and ways to figure out how many calories are in any given food item. It is, in my opinion, the simplest way to manage your energy, it is not the only way to manage your energy. And figuring out what feels best to you really is the way to move forward with weight loss. When you know what works best for you that has that belief work built right into it. I really believe that this feels amazing. This feels Good. This feels right to me. Is the mechanism by which we can eat in that slight caloric deficit over time and lose weight? Stacy says I find that food is a reward sometimes, and I'm struggling to find alternate ways to reward myself that are realistic for time constraints or budget. You know, I'm gonna offer you a very gentle suggestion and it's a twofold suggestion. Number 1, I'm gonna suggest that you reward yourself with a compliment. And if you just recoiled from that, that's actually why I suggest to reward yourself that way. My friends, we were all taught, growing up, that we could accept rewards in the form of things, like food or gold stars or a pluses or even To a certain extent some complimentary words, but most of us were not actually taught to literally feel the emotion of accomplished or proud or successful. Yeah. I know. Some of you are like, I know. I know. Which is actually why this is my suggestion. When you first start doing it, it's not gonna feel like a reward. Gonna feel like like almost like punishment because it feels so difficult. It feels so foreign. Most of us have absolutely no practice at all feeling successful. And yet, the feeling of success, if you offer it to your gen to yourself gently, It feels really light. It feels really open. It feels really, like, you could sit up tall, like like your shoulders came down a little bit. Do you notice how pleasant that is in small doses? And the more you practice in those small doses, the easier it gets over time. I want to offer this to you because over the course of your weight loss journey You are going to lose weight, like, I don't know if you've really thought about it like that, but you're gonna lose weight and you're gonna finish losing weight, you're gonna get to your goal weight And you're going to be in this moment where you see the number on the scale, that you want to see on the scale and you're gonna feel proud of yourself. And if it doesn't feel like good, if it feels like punishment, it's gonna be really hard to keep that number on the scale. Imagine I like to think about it like this, imagine that you are training a dog and you're not a dog and I'm not offering that you in that way at all. But imagine that you're training a dog. You know how when you first start training a dog, like, literally, no matter no matter how clumsy it is that they come to you when you've said come to me, you wanna make sure that you reward them. Like, you always wanna make sure that you are rewarding them for coming to you. Later. As they get older, sometimes we forget this, they do something naughty and we're hollering at them, hey, get over here, get over here. And then when they get over here, We punish them because they were over there barking, but by they came up by the time they came over here to us, all they know is that they just got punished for coming over here to us. Your brain, not a dog, but also kind of operates that simply. If you give yourself a a punishment of feeling proud and proud feels terrible. When you've accomplished this thing, this goal weight, you're not gonna be able to stay at that goal weight. It's gonna feel like punishment to be at your goal weight. So crazy. Right? This is why I offer you To give yourself the reward of feeling that pride and success in very small doses where it actually feels gentle and nice in your body. It really is a reward. And then when you'll be able to reward yourself with that feeling, there you are at your goal weight, that feeling it's going to keep you there. Easily keep you there. Thank you so much for asking that. That was fantastic. Tanya or I I feel like I might be mispronouncing this, but I'm gonna call you Tanya, and you please correct me if I'm incorrect. Since I was in cancer treatment 5 years ago, that put me in menopause, but it has also really seemed to have put my body into survival mode. I lost 60 pounds in cancer treatment, but gained it all back really quickly in less than a year. How do I think about this? I have a couple of options for you here and a much longer answer. The first thing that I suggest that you offer yourself is in those small doses in the ways that feels really good to you is pride that you made it through that. That was that was a lot. Like, literally, no matter how you slice it, that was an overturning of your life in so many ways and offering yourself the chance to see it as an accomplishment, something that you Did really might gently open up the idea of rather than, If I had to guess, blaming or shaming yourself, like, I was there and now I'm not. Let's gently take a look at your body and say, oh, my goodness, body, you really went through a lot. We've been up, we've been down, We've been all around, we've been turned around, we got chemically put in a position that we weren't gonna be in otherwise, you've been fighting against cancer, you've been working with all of these meds, you've been doing all of these things. You know what, body? Let's move forward from here. Really and, honestly, this really does go for everybody. Putting yourself in the position where you can understand that everything that you've gone through is an experience and really giving yourself credit for going through all the things that you've gone through and also very gently Turning your eyes forward. Where would I like to go from here? What nice thing would I like to do for my body and myself from here. Today's weight is this number. I have weighed different things at different times in my life and today's weight it's this one. So what can I do moving forward from here? What feels gentle? What feels doable? Because my goodness, we we, my brain and my body, we've been through some shit the last couple of years. Am I right? So what can I do that just feels so good right now? Can I find a routine that feels good? Can I find an amount of energy that feels good? Can I offer myself some rest in recovery in a way that feels good? Can I offer myself some hydration? Can I offer myself the chance to open up my journal And just get some of that junk out of my brain and let it go? Whatever feels really good and gentle to yourself right now is the way to think about this. I'm super glad you asked that. Thank you so much. Okay. Holly says curious about water intake. I know I drink more water than required. Does that impact me negatively because I drink a lot of water? Such a great question. I will I will defer a more thorough, like, medical answer to your doctor. There is such a thing as drinking too much water, like so many things in life. There's a bell curve where it's really, really good for you right up until there's a point of diminishing returns. If you are noticing, let's call them negative symptoms, meaning, with it's called hyponatremia. When you are drinking, like, significantly more water than your body needs, it's generally accompanied by physical symptoms. You might notice things like brain fog, you might notice digestive issues. Those are the 2 that come to mind right off the top of of my head. Talk to your doctor if you feel like it's a concern. In terms of weight loss, if you're in that range of okay. You're above what what the general suggestion is, but you're not at the point of hyponatremia, it should not negatively impact weight loss. Thank you for asking. I know that a lot of people have that question. So Peggy says, hi, Paula. Thank you so much for taking the time out to answer questions for us. How do we figure out our calorie needs after we reach our goal weight? My friend, here's what I offer you, and this is not everybody's favorite suggestion, but I'm gonna offer it to you anyways. I truly believe that living your Best life in maintenance does not include counting calories anymore. And I know that some of you might be like, then why do you suggest it when we're losing weight? Here's why, and thank you for asking this question so that I get the chance to answer the part of the question that you didn't ask. The thing that I love about the five o method is that it offers you some very specific, like prescriptive ways to do things. It says here are your rules. Live within these rules. But also, while you're living within these rules, the reason journaling is, number 1, is so that you can really start to pay attention. What am I actually thinking? And when I'm thinking this, how is my body feeling? Like, what are my emotions? When you start making that brain body connection Every single day, 5 minutes or less, you're listening to what you're thinking, you're paying attention to how your body is feeling. That little bit of practice goes a long way, in fact, it'll take you to maintenance and keeping the weight off literally forever. When you are in touch with what your brain is saying and how your body is feeling, it will help you learn your hunger and satiety cues. It will help you really start paying attention to digestion. Did you know that you are eating foods that don't actually agree with you? And we are all ignoring it because we do. When we When we get socialized, when we are growing up, we get taught how to ignore our bodies, like, literally at every turn from the minute you were born, and to be fair, you couldn't actually say the words mother, I am hungry right now when you were born. Your parents unintentionally taught you how to wait for food. They unintentionally taught you how to wait to go to the bathroom. We go to school for years, we're taught how to wait before we play, we're taught how to sit still, when frankly, we're not meant to. We are taught how to ignore our bodies at every single turn, constantly. Like, I said this with so much love, but right now you don't know what's going on with your body as well as you can. That is part of why the journaling is so important in the five o method. That little bit of practice, what's my brain saying, what's my body feeling, is going to help you intuitively for the rest of your life. And by intuitively, I don't mean you're just gonna, like, go on every whim. I mean, that you're actually gonna, like, tune in to your body. You're gonna be so good at just doing a quick full body scan. How does my body feel right now? What would my body like? What found what sounds good? What do I need? Do I need to rest? Do I need some water? Do I need something to eat? And if I'm gonna eat, how much? How hungry am I? How full am I while I'm eating? You will be so good and quick at doing that full body scan that that is actually why we call it intuitive Because you won't need to think about the mechanics of it in that super clunky, like, okay, what does my stomach feel like right now? Which is how we all start off. We are all starting off this brain body connection I'm not really knowing what's going on in there and really having to think very hard about it, but with daily gentle small pieces practice, It'll become super duper easy for you. So how do you figure out your calories? Honestly, you don't? You get to pay attention to your body. It's so fun. Right? I love it. Anonymous attendee says I'm 66 and have been menopausal for about 10 years. I haven't gained weight, but my body composition has changed. Namely, I have thickened around my middle. It's not terrible and I thought I would just have to live with it. However, is there a way I can address it? Yes. And. One of the things that happens is gravity exists, and I know you all know this, But I do like to gently remind myself of that. When I look in the mirror and when I see that Even though my weight has been the same for a while, then my body is different. My body is shaped differently. My body body slower than it used to be in so many ways. I think about this in the most ridiculous ways. Do you know you probably do. I just read this somewhat recently though and I was like, oh my gosh. Yeah. Do you know that your earlobes and your nose actually Get longer as we get older because of gravity. So, some of what changes in our bodies really is just it's gravity related, like, things that used to be higher, you know what I'm talking about, things that used to be higher a little lower, they are. And having said that, if you would like to address your body composition, meaning You'd like to add some muscle tone. You'd like to consider your, like, your fat percentage, things like that. What I will offer you is that losing Fat means that you will eat in a slight caloric deficit over time, like, that is how we lose fat. We ask our body to use that energy. What you might also do depending on depending on your exercise. I don't know what you do for exercise. You didn't happen to mention that, but if you'd like to gain some muscle mass. What you will do is work out in a way that can help you gain muscle mass, meaning, you will pick up heavy things and put them back down again Regularly. Now, will this actually change the appearance of your body? Will it automatically get rid of, like, weight from around your middle? No. Not automatically. Some of what's going on is gravity, some of what's going on might be addressed by addressing the stresses in your life. Generally speaking, when we notice gaining belly fat it is because of stress. This is this is a larger conversation, but this is actually why that whole eat less and move more thing for menopausal women tends to give us belly fat because there's the stress of eating too little and the stress of exercising too much that all shows up right there in our midsection. Now, having said that, I don't know if that's what you're asking about. I I if I had to guess, I actually do think that you're talking about gravity, and I will offer you that We lovingly accept gravity because it exists and we can also change our body composition by losing fat, eating in that slight caloric deficit over time And gaining muscle if you'd like to by exercising with weights regularly, meaning, 2 to 3 times a week. Thank you so much for asking that question. Oh, Michelle has a great question. Do we adjust our calories when we're sick? I had a bad cold last week and lost my appetite, and What I will offer you is that what I do for myself is I have I have my let's call it my normal parameters For weight loss, meaning that these are the decisions that I've made, all things equal in my in in my world, in my circumstances, like, work is going okay, family's going okay, I'm doing what I'm doing kind of a thing. These are my parameters. I also, in my back pocket, Have some parameters for when everything has gone out the window, like when something suddenly comes up and all of a sudden everything I had planned ahead for has turned sideways. I actually already have, like, a little secret squirrel plan of I always know that I'm going to make sure that I have fuel. I will always, personally this is this is my personal priorities. Fuel, number 1. Sleep number 2 as much as possible. Everything else, I don't like it when it goes out the window, but it can go out the window because I always want to monitor my energy and my recovery. These are my personal priorities. You might have different ones and this is what I'm gonna offer you. Having, like, a little bit of Plan for yourself. Like, you know what? When I'm sick, I feel very low energy. For me, personally, that would mean that I'm not going to exercise. For me, personally, that would mean that I would probably I would try to hydrate a little bit more. My doctor has told me for years that one of the things that can help you get all that mucus out of your not box is by drinking as much water as normal and if not, a little bit more than that. Generally speaking, when I get sick, I get a sore throat, so I probably don't wanna water, which is why I offered that to myself as a parameter, but we'll see whether or not that happens. For me, personally, I literally Never? I'm gonna say I never lose my appetite. I don't generally lose my appetite. My my illnesses almost never affect my stomach. I I have a cast iron stomach, I'm very rarely sick to my stomach, I'm very rarely, like low on appetite, so for me personally, my my I'm sick parameters still include eating the normal amount of food. So, If you notice that when you get sick that you don't have the appetite, you don't have the energy, you'd really like to rest and recover, you get to set those parameters for yourself. The truth of it is when you take that in house, when you take it on as, you know what, This is a decision that I'm making for myself that feels really good. It feels really loving to my body. I feel like I'm really taking care of myself right now. That act of making that decision from that place of love and care for your body means that literally no matter what you actually decide to do, it is moving you towards weight loss, because weight loss, as you may recall, is built on believing that you can. That belief in you and your body working together as a steam is the thing that moves you towards weight loss. The slight caloric deficit, that one's over time. That one is literally over weeks, months, and sometimes years. One day, a couple of days while you're ill, that caloric deficit can it can go up and down, it can be wherever it is. So, I'm not really worrying too much about the mechanics of it, but really thinking about how you are thinking about yourself and your body getting through this illness together as a team, that's moving you towards weight loss love. Thank you for asking that. That was a great question. Kimberly says I am noticing that so often my desire to eat is purely emotional as opposed to true physical hunger. Yeah. Absolutely. Can you give me any ideas about how to work through these feelings without necessarily giving in to them even with Even oh, you're staying within my calorie target. You know what I'm gonna offer you, Kimberly? I'm gonna offer you something a little bit counterintuitive here. Right now, right now, As long as you're staying within your calorie target, how about let's not label it? Let's not label it emotional eating versus hunger eating. Because here's the thing, Much like I was talking about with that whole we've all been taught how to ignore our bodies, you might actually be hungry and not notice it Some of those times that you are telling yourself, oh my gosh, I'm only eating from emotions. Let's give ourselves some grace here and say, you know what? As long as I'm eating within my calorie Target. I'm doing what I'm doing. This is moving me towards weight loss and as I'm moving towards weight loss over time, I can oh so gently in my journal, because this is what I do every single day, 5 minutes or less, I find my thoughts And I really hone in on what those feelings are that these thoughts are creating in my body. That practice, that daily brain body connection will spill over into your regular life before you know it. 5 minutes of practice Every single day, sitting in your journal, listening to your thoughts, feeling the feelings in your body, really recognizing how your thoughts are creating your feelings. You won't be doing this practice very long before you'll notice you're at work and you're, like, That was a thought. Like, you'll hear a thought in your head and you'll be like, oh my gosh. That was a thought. You'll be driving your car and you'll be like, oh, hey. I'm having an emotion. This is a feeling. Is a feeling in my body. I wonder what that thought was. And then you'll be able to go up to your brain and find the thought that created that feeling that you just randomly noticed in your body while you were driving someplace. Practicing for that 5 minutes in your journal will help you notice and I'm gonna say manage. Don't love the idea of, like, managing your emotions. Your emotions get to be your emotions. What you can do is allow them, -Recognize them for what they are, just really truly see that your body is a miracle of biology and chemistry, and Living with your emotions without always behaving from them. This is the trick It's gonna come a little bit later in your weight loss journey, and honestly, it's the thing that we work on in the Get Your Goal group, like, this is what we do in the Get Your Goal group. We really work on acknowledging our feelings, our emotions, and allowing them to exist without Behaving from them without running to the pantry, without, I mean, slamming doors, or without saying nothing that you don't wanna say, like, I again, I don't love the idea of, like, calling it managing your emotions because that kind of feels caged up, but simply allowing yourself to be a human being having a human emotion and then deciding from authority how you'd like to behave. That this emotion can absolutely exist in my body. 100%. I could feel this emotion, but whether or not I eat, Whether or not I yell, whether or not I storm out of the room, whether or not I send that email, whether or not I do whatever it is, I'm gonna decide that from a place that isn't fueled by this, like, heart poundy, churny stomach feeling. I'm gonna decide how I wanna behave, and I'm gonna feel how my body feels. So thinking about that as a long term project as opposed to, I gotta get a handle on this right this 2nd. This is the thing that's gonna stop me. It's definitely not the thing that's gonna stop you. This is this is work that frankly we all do to some extent or another on our weight loss journey. Really giving yourself the perspective of, I got plenty of time to work on all of this. Right now, the fact that I'm eating in my calorie target really is a win. That really is the thing that's moving me forward, and everything else is something I can manage along the way. I hope that was helpful for you, Kimberly. Thank you for asking that. Oh, Serene says, I had some really deep realizations yesterday while journaling and listening to a podcast. I wrote these things. I've never been in control of my own life. I relinquish control so I can blame others when things don't work out and none of this weight loss stuff is going to work because it hasn't been worked before and, ultimately, I'm a failure. And then I wrote, woah. Ouch. Yeah. Yeah. My question is, where do I go from here? And how shall I Serena, I was wondering. Here's here's how I know that Serena and I work together in the Get Your Goal group is because she used a phrase that I use in the Get Your Goal group. We call it f f f, Which is feeling your effing feelings. And, yes, sometimes in the kids' goal group I just go ahead and say that middle f. Here today I will leave it the letter f, what I'll offer you really specifically, Serene, really let's break this down into a couple of different sentences, Recognizing that this is, like, all coming out of your brain as, like, a big blob, one of the things that will be most helpful to you specifically and you, everybody who's listening to this, is this work where we pull out 1 little sentence or 1 little phrase at a time. Here's why this is important. It slows your brain down. When we are thinking normally, we're thinking 60,000 thoughts a day. That's like a thought every second. You are thinking so fast. Every single thought you are having is creating a feeling in your body so fast. They come, they go, they come, they go. They're whipping through your life. When you, as the authority in your life, as the owner of your brain, as the observer of your brain, can take a moment and just say you know what? What's this 1 sentence? I'm just gonna look at this 1 sentence right here. For example, none of this weight loss stuff is going to work. I know that's only, like, part of your sentence but we're just gonna take out 1 little piece. None of this weight loss stuff is going to work and we're just gonna observe that as a sentence. We're gonna observe that as a thought because here's the thing, that's not a fact. It feels so fact y in your body. Right? Like, it feels so true. You have years of evidence. There's no way this weight loss stuff is gonna work. And yet, Everything that has ever happened to you in the past is experience. You actually have absolutely no idea what's coming in the future. What will come in the future is a recreation of the past if we believe that the past is our only path forward. However, You have a new path forward. You at any point, any minute of any day can decide to change your mind, change your habits, change your life. The future could look entirely, completely, and utterly different from your past. So when you have this sentence in your brain, none of this weight loss stuff is gonna work, you actually don't know that. It feels really true, But it's just a prediction of the future. And unless you are a fortune teller, and maybe you are, but unless you are a fortune teller, and really even then Even then, do you know that fortune tellers are just kind of reading your face? You know that. Right? They're just going on a fishing expedition, and then they're looking at your expression and they're making another guess, and then finally you're like, yeah. That's who you're talking about. Like, they're just guessing. They're guessing about the future same as you. So we're gonna take that sentence and we're gonna notice that's actually just a thought. All this weight loss stuff isn't gonna work is a thought. That's not a fact. I'm not doomed. But you know what I feel? When I say that to myself, I feel doomed. That feeling doomed inside my body. Feels really heavy. I mean, you see I'm drooping here. It feels really heavy, like, here's what I noticed physically. My shoulders are dripping. My heart literally feels heavy. I know it's still right there in my chest, but it feels heavy. My stomach is kind of turning. My jaw feels very tight. This kind of like physical inventory, like, where do I notice physical, physiological sensations in my body? Is that path to feeling your effing feelings. Allowing your body to simply feel heavy chested is how we feel our feelings instead of behaving from our feelings. Because here's the thing, when you tell yourself this weight loss stuff isn't gonna work out, What do you do? Well, for me, personally, I would stop drinking water because that one's kind of just a bugaboo for me. I'd be like, well, never mind. And I would probably go eat more than I wanted or intended to eat, and I would probably stay up late, and I would probably exercise too much because that's me. I, personally, from a feeling of doomed, wouldn't really follow through on my weight loss activities. And then, lo and behold, what do we create for ourselves in the future? Exactly. What we were telling ourselves was true, that it was going to happen. But it didn't happen because it was always going to happen. Happened because of that thought. Notice 1 thought at a time and feel one feeling. And I honestly I really do suggest 1 feeling a day even though when you offered yourself in your journal all of this kind of big blob, pulling out 1 phrase, feeling just that 1 sentence, just that one feeling, like, really let yourself feel the doom in your chest, get it up and out of you so that you can behave authoritatively from this place where you want to lose weight, you're going to lose weight, you're doing the things to lose weight. That will get that one feeling up and out of you. Tomorrow, the next day, in a couple of days, come on back, take a look at 1 more phrase. Feel one more feeling. I know this sounds like very slow work, but let me offer you how much faster this is than what all of us, literally, all of us I've been doing all of our lives. Noticing that we have this giant blob of thoughts about how ultimately we're a failure and under this weight loss stuff is gonna work, and I do all these things, and here on my past I've had all of these behaviors that I'm kind of really feel ashamed of and I don't wanna do them again, and then we all just kinda shove them all down, And then we just kind of soldier through our lives like, no, no, no, I'm gonna go ahead and lose weight, here I am white knuckling my way through. And ultimately, end up recreating the past recreating or creating this thing that we think in our minds, I'm never gonna be able to lose weight, that really slows you down. Doesn't it? That is the slow way to either lose weight very slowly or maybe not lose weight at all. So feeling, one feeling, noticing 1 thought at a time is significantly faster been not doing any of this work at all. You will notice, especially as you practice this work, you will notice that it gets easier and easier and easier and faster and faster. There will be a point there will be a point for most of the beginning of your weight loss, the beginning of your journaling, when it kinda feels like you're pushing a big heavy rock up a hill, and then, because it's a hill, there's a point where you will tip right over, and then all of a sudden you are chasing that rock down the hill. That expression, it's all downhill from here, can actually be a good thing. It gets so easy and so fast that this work feels so simple. And then boom. There you are. At your goal weight. Having done the work. Like magic. Thank you so much for asking that question. I know that was super helpful for a lot of people. Stacy says, when I was previously a part of another weight loss program, We were able to bank calories for special events. Is this something that can be done with your program? Basically, we would subtract a small amount from each day to use at a special event. You know, this is such a great question. What I'm gonna offer you is similar but different, and then I'm gonna hand it to you because that's what I do as a mindset coach. I'm, like, well, here's a strategy and also make it work for you. Physically speaking, your body doesn't need you to bank calories, like, your body is so on board with an anomaly. Your body has evolved through 1000000 of years to actually be able to handle both feast and famine. Your body is completely okay with having one day where you are 2, 3, 4 times over your calorie target, and occasionally 2, 3, 4 times under your calorie target. I don't think the math on that one worked out. There's no way that works out. You can't actually eat well, you can't eat negative calories if you're exercising, but what I'm saying is You can. One day at a time, one time at a time, really significantly undereat or really significantly overeat, and your body's like, okay. That's just an outlier, and I'm kinda working on averages here. So the banking thing is actually for your brain. It's It really is. It's you telling yourself this is safe and this is okay, and what I'm gonna offer you is that you could just tell yourself that, That it's really okay, that your body knows exactly what to do with an anomaly. Your body knows exactly what to do when you've been in a slight caloric deficit overtime for a long amount of time, and then you have this one day, but you just everything is different. Like, you're you're you're way overeating or you're undereating or you're over exercising or there's no such thing as under exercising because you can lose weight without exercising at all or, you know, you have, not not necessarily way too much water. Again, there is that point of diminishing returns on water where, I mean, you can throw yourself into hyponatremia, like, relatively quickly, But you can weigh under drink, you can oversleep, you can undersleep, like, your body can handle an anomaly, and, really, it's just a matter of getting your brain on board with it. So, Yes, you can. And you get to decide if that's how you'd like to approach it, understanding the science and understanding yourself. What are you gonna tell yourself about this one day? What are you gonna tell yourself about banking or not banking? And and what would you like to do with this to move forward in a way that feels really loving and generous to yourself. I'm so glad you asked that question. You guys, you have the best questions. Thank you so much. Oh, okay. Linda asked a question and says, will the 2 step method target the mindset of live to eat versus eat to live? Yes and no. Here's what I wanna offer you is that the 2 step tool, which is actually what I wrote about in Mind Over Menopause, it's it's an entire book about journaling in case you don't have it yet. It's It offers you this really, really, really prescriptive way to journal. I I will tell you that I came at mindset work hearing, oh, okay. Just Just sit down in front of a blank piece of paper and ask yourself what's on my mind. In my brain, when I say what's on my mind, is, like, either absolutely nothing Or here's every thought I've ever had since I was 3. Like, in my brain, there is no there's no in between. So over the course of, like, practicing journaling and feeling really clunky. I offered myself some parameters, like ask yourself a really specific Question. Then notice the 1 sentence at a time, and then notice that that 1 sentence is a thought, and then really pay attention to how that one thought is creating one feeling. And then notice that if that feeling feels good, that thought is actually helping you get where you wanna go, and if it doesn't feel good, it's not helping you get where you wanna go. So I wrote an entire book about my rules for journaling. If you are a person like me who sits in front of a blank piece of paper and says I have no idea what's on my mind, This will really be helpful for you. Okay. So so, you're asking does the 2 step tool target the mindset of live to eat versus eat to live? What I'm gonna offer you is a little reframing that neither one of those mindsets is bad. That living to eat isn't automatically bad nor does it automatically mean that you can't lose weight or won't lose weight. In much the same way that eating to live I I gotta be honest, I take a lot of pleasure from eating. I wouldn't necessarily say that I live to eat, But I definitely don't just eat to live either. I like me some dessert, my friends. I do not strictly eat solely for its nutritional value. I really eat for a variety of reasons, and I Highly encourage you to find that beautiful balance for yourself of, yes, I absolutely wanna nourish my body. There are certain foods that feel significantly better in my body, give me more energy, help me feel healthy, and probably are actually healthy for my body. And there are some foods that I just really like to eat, but it actually kinda feels good mentally, physically, spiritually, communally, in my family. Like, I have found for myself a balance of healthy And less healthy. I don't like to call it unhealthy, but less healthy, more emotional reasons to eat. The way I came to that balance is indeed in my journal. I really started taking a look at what I was telling myself about good foods and bad foods, and this is gonna be bad for me or this is gonna make me get fat or this is gonna help me lose weight. Like, food is food. All foods have some, even marginal, nutritional value. Some foods are really really skirting the line on that nutritional value but, like, all foods can be digested. How about that? I think that might be a better way to put it. And some of them some of them are going to feel more energetic in your body. When you really take a look at here's how I wanna live my life. Here's how I lose weight. I lose weight by believing that I can and eating in a slight caloric deficit. Within that slight caloric deficit, how do I wanna eat? How do I wanna eat that feels so loving and so generous and so kind to myself? And if it doesn't feel kind, Let me go find out why. Because the only reason a food wouldn't feel kind is because I'm having a thought about it. So, yes, the 2 step tool will help you understand your mindset about food, but it won't necessarily Take you away from live to eat mentality and into eat to live mentality. If you don't like either one of those and neither one of those feels good to you, you get to decide exactly where you wanna land on your eating mindset. Thank you for asking that. That was awesome. Oh, Tricia has a great question. What are your thoughts on the new weight loss drugs? I have so many Thoughts and most of them are along this line. There are There are ways to mechanically move your body in a certain direction. Moving your body in a certain direction, interestingly, doesn't automatically take your brain with it. Moving your brain away from thinking all of the thoughts that you have about your body at this weight, which if I had to guess, are not all loving and kind. Those thoughts are still gonna be available to you at another weight. So moving your body to another weight won't necessarily make you feel amazing. And if your brain is still offering you things like I can't lose weight, I'm never gonna lose weight, I'm never gonna keep it off, I've never been able to keep it off, I've always been heavy, I've always had problem with my weight. If those thoughts are still running around in your brain, they will create for you that reality. Weight loss drugs can change your body. Only you can change your mind. So having said that, Do you wanna take weight loss drugs? Talk to your doctor. I am not an authority on that one. If you wanna take weight loss drugs, help yourself with the understanding that the way to keep the weight off is by changing your mind. It really is everything that we do with the 5 o method. I know I have I know I have offered you the 5 o method. It's like this weight loss program. I wanna offer you that it's actually a weight maintenance program, and not like you're gonna maintain the weight that you are right now, but, like, you're going to lose all the weight you want and keep it off forever because of your creation of the brain body connection. That 5 minutes a day of daily journaling, that is what's going to keep the weight off forever. So if you wanna get there mechanically in a specific way honestly, I mean, this was the question that we were asking about intermittent same too. Like or or not counting calories, but managing your energy some other way. Like, how you get there, slight caloric deficit over time, doesn't matter how you're getting in that caloric deficit over time. If it's medically assisted or if it's intermittent fasting or if it's counting points or doing some other thing, that slight caloric deficit over time will get you there. Your brain body connection is the thing that will keep you there. Thank you for asking that. I love it. Let me ask let me So I have a couple of questions here about specific diets and or supplements, and what I wanna offer you is that I'm not a nutritionist or a dietitian, so I have lots of opinions about food. I have lots of opinions about supplements and that's pretty much all they are. Your your mechanics of what you take, what you eat, how you do things, really is always going to be based on your best judgment. I have opinions and, I mean, legally, I'm allowed to share some of them with you, but not all. Legally, I cannot tell you what to eat legally, no, and even even even illegally, I have shared with you my opinion about eating. I find for myself a really nice blend between healthy and less healthy, like social, emotional, cultural, and nutritional is how I make my personal decisions. How you make your decisions and whatever else you take along with that in terms of, like, supplementation or, again, weight loss drugs, things like that, really going to be a personal choice for you. My suggestion is that it's a choice As opposed to thinking that you have to. And really kinda digging into that for yourself It's gonna be the thing. Well, it's gonna be the thing that helps you lose the weight and keep it off forever. Truly, making a decision for yourself from a place of authority, from a place of, you know what? I'm gonna give this a try because it feels really loving and generous right now. This is what I think is going to move me forward in a way that I love, that I can sustain, that's doable, that feels good. And then, paying attention over time. Does this still feel good? Do I still like this? And am I getting the results that I want? That that mechanism of asking yourself what you want right now and then paying attention to how it feels while you're doing it, that's really that's that's the crux of the FIVE O method. Make some decisions for yourself, pay attention to them over time, and move in the direction you wanna go. So how you do that? Totally up to you, love. Okay. Oh my gosh. I wanna be really respectful of your time, so let me answer one more quick question. Thank you guys so much for asking these questions. I so appreciate it. I promise you that a lot of the ones that I didn't get to will be the topic of future podcast, because this is what I do. And anonymous attendee says, I want to get your mindset thoughts about the sliding calorie scale Going downward when someone has a significant amount to lose. Oh, okay. So if someone has a 100 or even 200 or £300 to lose, you will be eating Okay. Let me make sure that I'm understanding your question. Okay. So if someone has a 100 or 200 pounds to lose, you will be eating a 1000 or 2000 or 3,000 calories less when you are at your goal. So what are some habits to get into now so it is easier later? Oh, interesting. Okay. So when there is less wiggle room. You know what's really interesting? This is actually a thing that I think a lot of people really wonder about while you're losing weight. When you start at a higher calorie target And you think to yourself, oh my gosh. When I'm eating fewer calories, it's gonna be so much harder to make these decisions. What I wanna really lovingly offer you is that my philosophy on food, like, just in general, is that You should eat the foods that you love in portion sizes that make sense for your calorie target. So the habit that you get into now is Taking a look at the food that you wanna eat and adjusting the portion size to your current calorie target in a way that you'll be able to do no matter what your calorie target is. The truth of it is, I eat the exact same well, some of them have changed over time because my tastes have changed, but I eat the exact same foods now As I have been for years years. It's just the size of the portion that has changed over time To make sure that I'm eating the quantity of that food that makes sense for my current weight, for my current goal. Really thinking about Thinking about not that you'll need to, like, cut out whole foods or cut out an entire meal or stop eating dessert when your calorie target is smaller, I really encourage you to think, how can I get all of the things that I want to eat in my day What amounts will each of those things be? As you're at a higher calorie target, you get a bigger amount. As your calorie target gets lower as you lose weight, you can still eat the same foods. It's just the portion size that changes. And what I really wanna offer you, like, the best reassurance that I wanna offer you is that that doesn't mean that you have to feel restricted, And it doesn't mean you're gonna go hungry and that doesn't mean that it's gonna feel hard. Hungry? More mechanical, but hunger is based on your size and how much energy you need. Your body doesn't lie to you about hunger. Your body doesn't get hungry at an amount that is more than you actually need. Your body does take some time to send you satiety cues, Which is why sometimes we can overeat for our hunger, but your body will never be hungry and will never feel hungry. You will never have a growling stomach if you do not need energy. So really taking that on board, like, I'm not gonna I'm not gonna be hungry when I'm eating a smaller portion size. Feeling restricted, That one comes from a thought. Feeling deprived, that one comes from a thought. That doesn't come from an amount of food. It doesn't come from a portion size. It doesn't come from a type of food. That one just comes from inside the brain. That call is coming from inside the house. So, really, taking the time now to reassure yourself, oh my gosh, no matter what I weigh, no matter where I am on my weight loss journey, I can eat the foods that I love and I can absolutely do the math to figure out what portion size is gonna fit in my calorie target right now. Doesn't that feel powerful? Doesn't that feel like all of that just comes down to you making choices? It's so much easier been thinking that you have to deprive yourself, you have to restrict yourself, or you won't be able to eat the foods that you love. Nope. I always, always Get to make these choices. So awesome. You guys, oh my gosh. You guys, thank you so so so much for being here today. I had such a great time answering your questions and seeing everybody who was well, not actually seeing you. It's true. I did not you in your pajama pants attending the webinar, but seeing all your names in the attendees list. It's been so wonderful spending time with you. Have a wonderful rest of your day. Thanks for listening. Be sure to leave a rating and review so other women of a certain age can Stop struggling with the scale and start loving their menopausal bodies. And if you're ready to change your mindset while you're changing your weight, then it's time to get into the get your goal mastermind group where you'll find my proven success formula, answers to your questions, expert coaching and the community support you've been looking for. You don't need to lose weight alone when you can have fun and level up your mindset with friends. With weekly coaching calls, live journaling classes, and access to the tools and strategies I've used to help thousands of women lose Wait for the last time. The get your goal group is the place for you to get your goal. Learn more about group membership at www.getyourgoal.com, and I'll see you inside!

Listen to the full episode here, and be sure to leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts.

Originally aired November 9, 2023
We’re diving into the world of weight loss, and answering YOUR questions – it’s a weight loss Q&A with Pahla B! Listen now for mindset-shifting advice on dealing with discouragement, re-thinking a recent weight gain, managing emotional eating, and more.
  • Spotify
  • Soundcloud
  • Apple

Meet Your Host

Mindset expert and certified life coach Pahla B knows a thing or two about changing your mind to change your weight and your life. She’s the creator of The 5-0 Method, Amazon-best selling author of the book “Mind Over Menopause,” and former yo-yo dieter who has cracked the code on lifelong weight maintenance. Join Pahla B each week for the personal insights, transformative mindset shifts, and science-backed body advice that can help you lose all the weight you want and keep it off forever.