You’ve been wanting to lose weight for a while now, but there’s a part of you that feels really foolish about going on another diet in your 50s. I mean, how vain is that? It’s not like you’re going to go running around in a bikini at this age.
But on the other hand, you’ve always wanted to be a woman of a “certain age” who looks and feels her best. One of those women whose whole essence oozes calm confidence and self-assurance. Maybe you could rock a bikini.
Ugh! But maybe you should just get over it and accept that this is your menopausal body – with 30 extra pounds. My friend, if this is the argument that you keep having in your head about whether or not weight loss is important, this podcast episode is for YOU.
Hey GOALfriend, I’m glad you’re here. Let’s dive in. One of the biggest fears I hear from clients inside the Get Your GOAL membership and something that I totally struggled with myself is this idea that losing weight shouldn’t be so important.
And I have such strong opinions about why weight loss is neither frivolous nor vain nor self-centered nor a waste of time nor an expression of latent misogyny nor a conspiracy of the billion-dollar diet industry that I became a weight loss life coach and I’m here on this podcast with a bit of a rant.
I get riled up about this one.
All day long, I see women shaming themselves for their desire to live their best life inside a body that’s healthy and strong and – yes – a particular weight. I hear people on the internet insisting that the act of creating the body you want is a form of self hatred or societal conformity.
But I disagree. I truly believe – and teach, inside the Get Your GOAL membership – that weight loss is the path to complete self love, self acceptance, and showing up as your best self in the world. In short, everybody wins when you decide to lose weight, because there’s something really important for you to learn about yourself on your weight loss journey.
So, today I’m sharing my Top Four reasons why weight loss isn’t vain or shallow or frivolous, but is instead one of the most important things you can do for yourself. And, interestingly, these happen to be the top four reasons that most women tell me they want to lose weight.
Reason #1: You want your old body back. This was me, a hundred percent. When menopause came knocking on my door and brought low energy, volcanic mood swings and extra weight with her, I was desperate to feel like myself again. I doubled down on everything I’d been doing that used to feel good – exercising more and more to chase after that energetic feeling I used to have. But nothing felt right.
I wanted my old body back because I didn’t understand this new one. I felt mad. I felt sad. And (here’s the big one) I felt betrayed. And you know what happens when you feel betrayed? You stop trusting. You stop giving from generosity, and you start being stingy with your love and affection. And I’m not just talking about loving and trusting your body, I’m talking about loving and trusting everywhere in your life. When I felt betrayed by my body, I was constantly looking for (and finding) distrust about my husband, my kids, my family, my friends, and my business. Everywhere I looked, it felt like everybody was letting me down.
But when I learned how to understand my menopausal body’s needs and started loving and trusting her again, that love and trust flowed back to me from my body, in the form of weight loss. And it rippled out into the world in the form of me loving and trusting my family, my friends and my business again. It’s not shallow to want your old body back, it’s important to remember that you can love and trust.
Reason #2: You want to look good in your clothes. When I gained weight with menopause, I really struggled to dress my body in anything but oversized, unattractive clothing, and this was during a time when I was on-camera filming videos as my full-time job. It was a constant mental battle. I didn’t feel good inside my body, so I didn’t think I looked good in my clothes. I was so critical of every photo and every video. All I wanted to do was hide.
But also…I wanted to look good again! I love wearing bright colors and cute outfits, and I love sharing that vibrancy with other people. I’m the kind of person who stops other women in the grocery store to tell them I love the dress they’re wearing. But not when I was struggling with menopausal weight gain. When I could barely look at myself in the mirror, I stopped looking at other people, too. It felt like I couldn’t say nice things to other people because I didn’t have anything nice to say to myself.
But when I really took an honest look at that self talk with daily journaling, I started chipping away at it. As the negative chatter in my head changed, so did my weight (and yes, that’s the order it happens in – you have to change your mind before your body will change). Before long, I started noticing and complimenting other women wearing bright outfits and looking good in their clothes. It’s not vain to want to look good in your clothes, it’s important to share a connection with other humans and to give and receive genuine compliments.
Reason #3: You want to be done dieting. Oh my goodness, this was me, too. I went on my first diet when I was nine years old. I literally don’t remember anything about what that diet entailed, but I do know that it was the first in a long, long line of diets that I started and stopped with varying success, all the way into my forties.
You know that statistic about how we spend a third of our lives asleep? I’m pretty sure that between the ages of nine and 49, most of the other two-thirds of my life was spent worrying about what I was eating. Is this going to make me fat? What’s the portion size on that? What if I get it all wrong? What if I’m not losing weight? What should I eat next? Have I already eaten too much today?
And the thing that I find interesting about this one is that I honestly had no idea how much time I was spending on MENTAL DIETING until I stopped. Suddenly, it was like I had all this time in my brain to focus on other things, and to actually be present in my life in a way that I’d never been before.
Since I turned 50 and lost weight for the last time, I’ve created a life coaching business, I’ve written a book, and I’ve started traveling to places I want to see. This is the real magic of what I teach inside the Get Your GOAL group – how to slowly but permanently remove the mental dieting from your life. It’s not frivolous to want to be done dieting, it’s important to learn how to focus your attention on what you want to do and be in the world and be present with yourself and during time spent with your friends and family.
Reason #4: You want to be in control. I could have finished that sentence in a number of ways – you want to be in control of your eating, you want to be in control of your weight, you want to be in control of your emotions, or you want to be in control of your body. But the truth is, they’re all kind of the same thing. Gaining weight with menopause feels so OUT of your control.
Like I mentioned in reason number one, I was flummoxed by menopause when it first started. I have always identified as a control freak, but when I felt so out of control of myself and my hormones and my body and my weight, I turned that desire for control onto my family, and kind of the world at large. Everything – literally, everything – that wasn’t getting done the way I wanted it to be done seemed to fill me with frustration. The way the kids put their dishes in the sink was wrong (and I told them so). The way my husband took off his socks and left them on the floor was wrong (and I told him so). The way that random person parked their car in the Walmart parking lot was wrong (and thankfully, I held my tongue on that one, but I had a LOT to say about it inside my head).
I deeply wanted to control everyone and everything else in the world because I felt so out of control of myself. When I finally broke out of this frustrating cycle, I wasn’t the only one who felt the sweet relief of freedom. My family absolutely benefitted from me learning and embracing what I’m really in control of. Which is to say… me. My thoughts, my feelings, my actions, and my results. It is absolutely not self-centered to want to be in control of yourself, it’s important to take agency and own your own power, so your friends, your family, and frankly, the rest of the world, can have control of theirs.
Losing weight is one of the most important things you can do for yourself and everybody you love. On this journey of self love, self trust, and being your best self in the world, everybody benefits – so let’s get to it. Thank you so much for listening, I’ll talk to you again soon.
